Fear

“Fear… Fear is humanity’s greatest enemy, yet also its greatest ally. Too little fear causes recklessness and arrogance. Too much fear is cowardly and halts progress and discovery. Fear is humanity’s greatest enemy, yet our greatest weapon. Let your enemies fear our name and manipulate it. Let our enemies fear themselves, their decisions, their regrets, their everything. And with that, one of humanity’s greatest virtues is disabled. Trust.”

***

I felt empty and lifeless, like the things that laid in front of me. The world continued, and the group of people beyond the objects in front of me continued discussing.

Whatever they were saying, it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t even hear them. The most important people in the world laid on the ground. Broken.

I didn’t know how to react… I just stared at them with a face of disbelief.

I felt like crying, I felt like screaming, fighting, destroying, annihilating everything I could get my hands upon.

But what could I do? I was just a child. Nothing more… nothing less.

A hopeless child that cried when her parents didn’t buy her a toy because of financial problems. A spoiled brat that yelled and threw tantrums when her parents didn’t want to play with her. An annoying thing that acted as if she was the queen of everything, like in a fairytale…

Life wasn’t that nice…

Their eyes were staring at me. No light could be found within them... Just… Just fear.

Only fear.

Red liquid reached my knees and dirtied the black tights I was wearing.

I reached my hand out and petted their hair. It was the same feeling as always, yet there was no reaction.

No kind smile, no harsh words.

Their eyes were staring and that look terrified me.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want this. This is just a nightmare. It had to be.

“Mama, papa…” I said with difficulty, almost as if my voice was disappearing. “Please wake up… Please…”

But there was no reaction.

It was just me… and the dull corpses of my parents…

It was just me… nobody important…

My body began to quiver. I felt cold… so cold… I held my sides and lowered my head, making myself as small as possible.

I let out any noise my voice could make. They were all soft and forced. They were all painful.

Tears fell down my face and landed on my hands.

What had I done to deserve this? What did I do? My parents were gone…

That had to have been my fault…

They were kind to everyone… they were friends with everyone… they were always cleaning up after each mess I made, always giving me stern words about how I should act.

Saying thank you when someone gives you something. Saying please when you want something. Treating people the way you want to be treated. Helping someone who asks kindly…

If I asked someone… would they help me?

Would they save me from this nightmare I found myself in? Would my parents come back and give me stern warnings again? Will they laugh with me once more?

Someone… Please save me… please… I beg you, anyone! Please… just help me…

Someone placed their hand on my shoulder, and I looked at their face. A woman’s face… I used my sleeve to wipe away my tears and tried to speak.

“Please… save me…” I cried out.

But their face twisted. They grabbed my shoulder firmly, hurting me with their metal arm. Forced to stand up, I began crying even harder and tried everything to run away, but their arm was too powerful.

I started hitting it. Over and over.

Each time a small clack entered my ears. Even through the pain, I continued hitting it.

But it was all useless.

When faced with superior power, I can’t do anything. I will never be able to do anything…

I am just a thing, not someone. A tool meant to be used. That’s all I am.

At least… I lived like that until I was saved.

I didn’t know how many months or years had passed…

I didn’t know how many tears I had cried, or how much blood had flowed out of my body…

CLEAR saved me when no one else did…

***

I placed my keycard on the door’s scanner, opening the apartment. As soon as I entered, I smelled some grilled fish.

I looked over to the kitchen and saw Mana cooking some rice on the stove.

“Good morning,” I said to her.

Her shoulders jumped a bit and she turned to me slightly blushing.

“You scared me… I’m not used to living with someone,” she said as she combed through her hair. “I’ve prepared breakfast for myself. I was unsure if you also wanted to eat or if you had already eaten, so I made some extra. It can be stored in the fridge either way.”

“I haven’t eaten anything yet, but I don’t eat normal food.”

“You don’t?”

“I need every advantage I can get, so I eat food which was handmade for my height, weight, habits, and lifestyle in consideration. The most optimal food for the most optimal body.”

“Psychological stuff can also affect the body, you know?”

“You’re right, but ever since I took over, the only time I’ve been stressed is now that Mythical is planning to attack,” I said as I went to the kitchen to pour myself water.

“...Don’t you think maybe Mythical isn’t the one that’s attacking us?” Mana said as she turned off the stove and served some rice in a bowl.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think Akihiro is being completely truthful…”

“Do you have any evidence?”

“The intruder yesterday said that MINX will break you, not Mythical. They were stating it as a fact. I don’t like saying this, but it either means they have absolute confidence that you will defeat Mythical and then face MINX, or maybe MINX is the one behind the attacks all along.”

“You’re right that it's odd… If it truly was Mythical, I feel like we would have gotten more information from Akihiro’s trip. I’ve also considered… Why does a well-known terroristic group have an inconsistent track record? Why are they sometimes the best, yet sometimes the worst? Unless they’re drowning in new members, they shouldn’t be able to afford to bring amateurs to an important mission.”

“Akihiro’s report in and of itself is weird. It feels incomplete like there are some lies mixed in with the truth and some information that should have been there, yet wasn’t,” Mana continued.

“This whole situation is completely baffling. For the first time in four years, three separate intruders have been found. Two claimed to be from Mythical. The one you and Rai dealt with can only be presumed to have been a part of MINX since she mentioned them.”

“You said you were going to ask permission to view their records from the orphanage and adulthood. Did you find anything?”

“I found something… They all hated a specific person or group of people in CLEAR, besides the obvious fact that they grew up in the orphanage. The intruder caught by Akihiro, and the intruder that had hacked a Cyber hate me. The intruder caught by Kanaye hated Rai. The intruder you and Rai dealt with hated you, Mana.”

“...They were just like me then… weren’t they? Something happened in the orphanage and they’ve held a grudge ever since.”

“Someone must have taken advantage of that and approached them during adulthood. It's the only time we’re not watched over by superiors or caretakers.”

“It could have happened to me then…” Mana said, her gaze lowered.

“Luckily, we have our very own demon that loves to see people grow from inner conflict…”

“Yeah… You’re right,” Mana said slowly.

“Do you not trust Akihiro?”

“I honestly don’t know. He doesn’t seem vengeful. As far as I’m aware, nothing super bad happened to him at the orphanage. He’s just intense when it comes to verbally abusing people to force them to grow,” she said with a bitter smile.

“You had it rough, didn’t you?”

“It was pretty bad, but it was better than to keep being bitter about something that happened years ago… Sorry about all this, I’m what you would call an overthinker. I was a bit afraid you would turn me away when I told you I was staying over…”

“I said this at the party, but I don’t dislike you, Mana. I think you are strong, and being able to put the past behind you is an incredible feat… You’re amazing is all I can say.”

“I’m glad I decided to make up with you,” Mana said with a bright smile, “Thank you for being my friend.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” I said.

Mana giggled a little. She grabbed her breakfast and sat down at the table.

“Can I ask you one more question about this whole situation?”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you think… There’s a traitor since before they were taken in?”

“Impossible,” I responded quickly.

“Wouldn’t it make sense though? Their personality would remain constant and they wouldn’t bear a grudge against someone, meaning they can’t be taken advantage of. If they were physically or intelligently capable they could get a job at a high-ranking position, thus being able to leak more important information.”

“Yet there are some problems with that theory. Most importantly, if someone in an important position were a traitor, they wouldn’t need to probe our defenses. They could have attacked while that traitor steals the data and brings it to them.”

“I guess you’re right about that… I’m just considering all possibilities.”

“That’s fine. Let me add something else. No matter what the traitor’s personality would be, I don’t think they would be able to leave everything behind. Betraying the people they’ve known for years, abandoning their place that is more stable than their position as a spy. Not to mention our education and psychological development makes sure we won’t betray CLEAR.”

“You’re right about that…”

“I’m not criticizing you. Sometimes, great ideas spawn from debates. That’s what this is. When you have another theory, tell me, no matter how stupid or convoluted it might be.”

“Yeah, I will.”

I nodded and drank my water, placing the glass in the sink. I walked to the bathroom and prepared to shower when I saw the silver phoenix pendant. I grabbed it and wore it for the first time. I exited the bathroom and showed Mana.

“How do I look?”

“Well… I would say you first need to change into your work clothes,” she said with a cheeky grin, “it looks good.”

***

“...Search and Destroy! Those are your orders,” Erity said confidently.

A worthless and obvious command. Find all traitors and annihilate them. It’s the standard way of doing things. So why is she uttering those words as if they were anything new?

I exited the room, Rai following closely behind.

I need my revenge, but how do I go about it? I need her to be kicked out of CLEAR. I need her to eat the dirt and feel everything I had felt. It’s only fair.

People get sentenced to prison or pay a fine in accordance with how much suffering they brought someone. How is this any different?

“Mana, could we talk privately for a moment?” Akihiro asked.

“Huh? Sure I guess. What about?” I responded roughly.

“I said privately. Let’s walk a little, shall we?” He said, waving me to follow him.

“I’ll see you later, Rai.”

“Take care. Are we still going to eat at that fancy seafood restaurant?”

“If Akihiro ruins that, I will hit him. Don’t worry. I’ll be there.”

“How violent,” Akihiro said with a grin on his face.

Rai and I waved each other goodbye. Following Akihiro for a few minutes, we arrived at a terrace high above the ground.

“Erity often comes here to eat lunch,” Akihiro said as he leaned on the railing and looked over the park below.

My gaze narrowed and focused on Akihiro.

“What did you want to talk about?” I responded.

“The past. More specifically, the past between you and Erity.”

“Cool, I’m leaving.”

“Don’t you want to beat Erity?” he said, pulling at my strings.

“Isn’t Erity your partner? Why would you want me to beat her? Do you not know what it means for me to beat her?”

“Of course, I know. It’s obvious. I was there when your hatred started. You want Erity to feel the same pain you did when you lost Mieko and Yukako.”

“You remember their names even though they had nothing to do with you?”

“It has a lot to do with me. Besides, remembering people’s faces and names is a talent of mine. Remembering actual knowledge, not so much.”

“Why do you want to help me?”

“I’m not giving you help. I’m giving you a chance, a piece of advice, and a bet.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“The way I see it, you can challenge Erity whenever and fight against her, or wait for some intruders, succession battle, or any natural chance.”

“The last time there were intruders was four years ago. A succession battle is close. I could always challenge her…”

“But you’re not confident you can beat her, right?”

“And why do you think that?”

“Because you’re not dumb. If you had the confidence that you could beat her, you would have challenged her already. It's stupid, you know? That hatred of yours,” he said with a grin.

I clenched my fists and closed the distance between us.

“You think me avenging Mieko and Yukako is stupid?” I said, close to his face, yet speaking loudly.

“It’s almost the most childish thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and you’re number one…” he said, his grin not fading.

I launched a punch at his stomach but only hit something hard. He had blocked it with his metallic hand.

But he only had one of those.

I threw another punch with my free fist, aiming for his face, but with just a small step, he dodged it and punched me in the stomach with great force.

I recoiled and grabbed my stomach, I felt like vomiting and keeling but I forced myself to remain standing. I looked up at Akihiro. I felt my head getting hotter while I coughed aggressively.

“Avenging is not the same as revenge, you idiot,” Akihiro said as he came closer and closer. “Mieko and Yukako would be disappointed in you. They never asked you to defeat Erity. You imposed that on yourself. You selfishly and arrogantly decided that’s what your friends wanted. It’s the reason why you will never win. It’s the reason why you will always stand below everyone else.”

I clenched and lifted my fist again, this time with much more power.

I aimed for his chest, but he blocked it with his metal hand. Again. Trying to free my hand, I lifted my leg and tried to kick him, but he was quicker than me, using his leg to block my attack and then sweeping it away causing me to fall.

I looked towards Akihiro, who was already launching his metal arm straight at my face. The only thing I could do was close my eyes and hope the hit wouldn’t be as bad.

A loud and dull noise rang out, and I could feel the ground shaking a little. I slowly opened my eyes to see Akihiro’s right metal hand had just missed my head…

He moved his face closer to mine and began whispering.

“Your hatred is a stain on the memory of your friends,” he said, his eyes lifeless and void of any emotions. “Your just a child throwing a temper tantrum. A puppy that only barks. You’re pitiful.”

I looked into his eyes, attentively listening to what he was saying. I felt pain in my chest and something welling up in my eyes, causing my vision to blur.

“You’re blaming Erity for something she had no control over. She didn’t decide what the test would be, nor its rewards or punishments. She looked out for herself. I would have done the same, and if I remember correctly, you HAD done the same to some other people in the same test. You’re just a hypocrite. A burden to Rai, Erity, Kanaye, and most importantly yourself. You are your worst enemy, you are stopping yourself from growing.”

“That… that doesn’t mean I can just forget about it!” I said, my voice trembling and something leaking from my eyes. “Am I supposed to forgive someone who took everything from me? Yukako and Mieko were everything to me! They were my family when I never had any!”

“How do you think Erity felt when her parents got murdered?”

My eyes widened in surprise…

“What…?” was all I managed to say.

“Weren’t YOU just willing to do anything in your power to defeat Erity? Because she got your friends killed? Did you ever think Erity was similar in that regard? That she lost everything dear to her, and that she will do everything to never experience that again?”

I felt weak. The eyes that stared at me, the grin that made me uncomfortable, and the person that spewed those words as if it were a normal occurrence. He looked like a demon to me…One that was personally toying with me…

“And so the circle of violence continues. You hate Erity because of what she did to you. What about the two people you betrayed? Do you think they were just loners without anyone that cared for them?” That thing asked me.

“I… I had… to fulfill my promise…”

“Since when were you more important than someone else? When have your promises to someone been more important than someone else’s promises? You’re just a hypocrite, don’t you understand? Despite that, do you still want to beat Erity?”

“YES!” I cried out, trying to wipe my tears with my cold hands. “I… Want to beat her…” I said softly.

I WANT to beat her. I need to defeat her. How else will I make it up to Yukako and Mieko? How else?!

“Then let’s make a bet.”

“What do you want from me!”

“If you win, I’ll resign my position to you. That would allow you to plan your revenge better, right behind Erity’s back. If you lose, you’ll try to leave the past behind. Forever. Do you accept?” He said as he took his metallic hand back and held it out in front of me.

“I…” I didn’t want to shake his hand. I felt that if I did, it would be like selling my soul. Yet I still did it anyways, to get my revenge, to put everything behind me… I have to put this behind me…

“You think fighting Erity and defeating her will make her feel everything you did,” Akihiro said as he helped me stand up and walked away, “yet ironically… you will hurt her the most when you finally become her friend,” he said softly.

At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. Now I think I do. Am I just a tool to you?

To break someone you must know everything about them…

The traitor Rai shot said someone from MINX would break her… And in that case, there are only two candidates. Shina, who knows about Erity’s past before she arrived at the orphanage…

Or Akihiro…

Akihiro…What or who are you?