Chapter 32: Healing Scars

Standing in Sam’s doorway was the last person she wanted to see right now.

“Cain,” she growled. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I just came to check up on you, Sammy,” he replied with a smile. “It looks like you’re doing fine though. Hugging everything out okay?”

He glanced at the bed. “Nice bow.”

“Get out!” She shouted, flinging her pillow at him. “Out, out, out!”

“Hey, is that any way to treat a concerned friend?” Cain ducked, popping back up with a smile.

“You! Are not! My friend!”

“…Maybe not, but I’m still concerned. I’d like to help any way that I can.”

Sam took a deep breath, spitting out through clenched teeth “then please… just… leave!”

“H-Hey, come on, Sam, he said he wants to help,” Carly said, stepping between Cain and the potential barrage of pillows. “It couldn’t hurt to hear him out.”

“Sure it could…” Sam growled, reaching for her chair.

“Whoa, hey, truce, truce,” Cain said, holding up his hands. “Come on, Sammy, I’m really here to help!”

“Then leave! I don’t want to see your smarmy face again!”

“Even if I can fix your shoulder?”

Sam paused, putting her chair back down. “…I’m listening.”

Taking that as permission to enter, Cain walked into the room. “Look, you’re quitting Boffer Club because you don’t want to risk your arm getting worse, right? But if there’s nothing wrong with you, you’d stay?”

Sam shifted awkwardly in place, scratching at her shoulder. “…Yeah, I guess.”

“But the x-rays said your shoulder was fine, right?”

“How long were you eavesdropping?” She growled, narrowing her eyes.

“…Not important. What it sounds like to me is that you’re suffering from a classic case of hypochondria.”

Mary’s jaw dropped. “Sam’s been brainwashed?!”

“What?! No, you idiot,” Sam groaned, rolling her eyes. “He means this whole thing is all in my head. And he’s wrong. I know what the x-ray said, but I also know what my body is saying, and it’s telling me my shoulder never healed properly. I can’t lift heavy stuff or swing a sword, and I definitely can’t use a bow again. So just drop it!”

Cain sighed and shook his head. “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, I’m telling you, that’s all in your head. Trust me. I’ve done a lot of studying on stuff like this. The fact of the matter? When someone hurts themselves like you did and goes into physical therapy, a lot of the time, even when they’re fully healed, they’re too worried about hurting themselves again to use the affected area the way they used to. Even when there’s nothing wrong with them. Isn’t that what’s really going on here? Aren’t you just afraid of hurting yourself again?”

“No I’m not afraid!” She snapped, crossing her arms.

“Didn’t you just say that earlier, though?”

“Sh-Shut up! S-So what? That doesn’t mean I’m wrong! I tried, don’t you get that? When my shoulder healed, I tried to go back to archery, I did! But I couldn’t! My arm just wouldn’t work properly!” She wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of this jerk.

“Are you sure? Did you really try? Or were you so afraid of failing you just gave up before even really attempting it?” Cain asked, narrowing his eyes.

Sam flinched, wilting under his gaze. “Th-That’s… of course I…”

“Sam!” Mary cried, grabbing her hand. “Maybe Cain’s right! Maybe you could do it if you tried!”

“Exactly,” Cain nodded. “In fact, I can’t think of any reason why you shouldn’t go and give it a shot right now. You still have your bow, after all.”

Sam’s eyes shot to the bed. She swallowed.

“R-Right now?”

“Come on, Sam, I know you can do it!” Carly nodded in agreement. “Don’t you want to see if you really can use your bow again?”

Right now Sam was being pulled in two directions. Part of her really wanted to give archery a try again, while another part of her was afraid of what would happen.

“What… what if I can’t do it?” She sounded so meek and fragile that Carly was stunned. But she didn’t let that shake her. She walked right over to Sam with a big smile on her face and patted her uninjured shoulder.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be there cheering for you the whole time,” she assured her. “Right, Mary?”

“Right!” Mary nodded eagerly.

…

“I can’t believe there’s even an archery room here!” Mary marveled at the large shooting gallery Cain led them to. Targets riddled with holes sat mounted across the room, inviting anyone to come take a shot.

“It’s for the school’s archery club,” Cain explained. “I come here every now and then to test out my knives too. But for now, it should be the perfect stage for our little sharpshooter.”

Sam was too petrified to shoot back a response. Her bow felt like it was made of lead in her hand, was she really going to do this?

“I-I don’t think…”

“Scared, Sammy?”

Asshole! Sam glared at him and stepped forward. Right now, her anger was ruling her more than her fear was. It… it would be fine, right?

“Good luck, Sam!” Carly cheered as she stepped up to the line. Cain had even gone to the trouble of loading some arrows in the stand. There were twenty in all, ready to shoot.

She swallowed. A stab of pain shot through her shoulder, but before she could reach for it, it was gone.

They’re right… it’s all in your head. Your shoulder’s fine, right? You can do this. You have to do this. Sam had faced challenges harder than this before, and she’d come out on top. So why wasn’t she grabbing an arrow? Why wasn’t she getting ready?

…I really am afraid, huh?

What if she failed? What if she tried, what if she really tried… and like last time, she couldn’t do it? If her arm really was completely messed up…

She shook her head. No! Stop thinking like that! You’ll never be able to do it if you’re afraid! Seizing a moment of courage before it could pass her by, Sam grabbed an arrow and slid it into place. Bow tight in her left hand, she lifted it up and aimed. She’d done this a thousand times. Aim, draw back straight across her chest, and release. She inhaled as she drew the arrow back, pulling it across her chest. It made her smile. Holding her bow felt like shaking hands with an old friend.

Then her arm jerked as she released, and the arrow flew wildly through the air, missing the target by a mile.

Her heart cracked a little, but she wouldn’t let it break.

“It’s okay, Sam! You’re just warming up!” Carly called out behind her.

“You can do it!” Mary cheered.

Sam took another deep breath.

Relax. Just relax. You were too tense that time. You can do this. She grabbed another arrow and locked it into place.

…

“Wheeeeew, Sammy,” Cain whistled. “I’ve heard of not being able to hit the broad side of a barn, but at this point I’d say we’re in skyscraper territory.”

“SHUT UP!” Sam screamed, turning to swing her bow right at his fucking skull.

Twenty shots. Twenty complete misses. Arrows littered the ground behind the target, staring pristinely back at her.

Laughing at her.

Mocking her.

Telling her she’d been right all along.

Sam’s knees felt weak, and she started to cry. “I knew it… I knew it! I can’d do id… by arm, id’s… id won’d work anymowe…”

“C-Come on, Sam! It’s just a bad break!” Carly was trying to be encouraging, but even her confidence was starting to wane. “Just… just give it another shot! A few more arrows! You can’t give up now!”

“Sam, it’s okay,” Mary whispered, walking over to her. “It’s okay…”

She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Your shoulder’s fine,” Cain said. “The problem is you.”

Sam’s head snapped up, and she glared through her tears. “Shut up! You don’t know anything!”

“I know that your body tensed up like crazy every shot you took,” Cain replied. He walked out to retrieve the arrows. “Your hand jerked away every time, like you were afraid to fire. Of course you wouldn’t be able to hit anything like that.”

She shivered and grabbed her shoulder. “That… that’s just because my-“

“It’s because you’re scared,” he cut her off, tossing the arrows to the ground in front of her. “You need to relax, Sammy. Don’t get so worked up all the time!”

“Worked up?! Worked up?!” Sam scrambled to her feet and grabbed an arrow, drawing it back and aiming it right at him. “Wanna see worked up?!”

“Good, great energy,” Cain laughed, stepping to the side. “Now try shooting like that.”

Sam fired the arrow with a growl, and again, it went wild. Her body just refused to cooperate.

“Sam, I-I think Cain’s right,” Carly murmured. “Your arm, it’s just… it’s like every time you draw back, your hand shakes.”

“Well what do you want me to do, huh?!” Sam demanded. “My arm doesn’t work properly!”

Carly shrugged. “It looks fine to me, Sam. I don’t know what to say.”

Sam wanted to scream. They didn’t understand! It wasn’t some easy fix! Her shoulder was messed up, and these guys, they were just… they just…

Her eyes landed on Mary, and the other girl quickly glanced away. Then she shyly turned back.

“Um… what if you closed your eyes?”

Cain raised his eyebrow. “Oh, now that’s an idea.”

“Close my eyes?” Sam snorted. “What, are you crazy? What good would that do?”

“W-Well, I mean… I know you have to aim and stuff, but… every time you draw back, your hand kind of jerks before you let go. So what if… just, just hear me out, what if when you draw back, but before you fire, you close your eyes? That way you’re not staring at the target, and maybe… you’ll be able to stay relaxed? Maybe?”

Mary looked up at Sam with a face that was both anxious and hopeful. It was the kind of pleading expression that made it really hard to refuse.

“F-Fine,” Sam muttered, grabbing another arrow and turning back to the target. “I’ll try it your way then.”

She drew back her bow, pulling it straight across her chin, and as she reached the anchor point where she had to let go, she closed her eyes and tried to relax. She thought back to when she was first trying out archery. She’d missed nearly every shot. But it had been so fun. That “twang” of the bowstring, that satisfying “PWIP” when the arrow made its mark, she could spend hours practicing shots over and over again.

If only she could go back to that time, before she’d wrecked her shoulder. She never would have driven herself so hard and ruined her body like that. She would have taken things slowly, carefully, not pushed herself to the limit and-

PWIP!

Sam’s eyes snapped open in shock. She knew that sound. And she never thought that she’d hear it again.

“Oh my gosh, Sam!”

“Sam, you did it!”

It wasn’t anything to be proud of. She hadn’t even grazed the outer ring. But her arrow had made it to the edge of the target, standing proudly for all to see.

Before she could think, she’d already grabbed another arrow and drawn it back. Was it just a coincidence? She needed to see. She didn’t close her eyes this time, but her shaft sailed straight through the air all the same.

PWIP!

Closer. In the outer rings now. Twice in a row, she couldn’t call it a coincidence.

PWIP! PWIP PWIP!

Another. And then two more. Nowhere close a bullseye, but all of them hit. And not the faintest bit of pain in her shoulder.

She grabbed a sixth arrow and pulled it back. But she couldn’t aim properly this time, her hands were shaking too much. All of her was shaking, and the shot flew wild. She didn’t care. She fell to her knees and broke out crying.

“I did it… I actually… I actually did it… I’b nod… I’m not broken…”

Her bow fell to her side and she bawled her heart out. Mary and Carly rushed over and the two girls pulled her into a tear-filled hug.

“Carly… Mary… thank you both… I’m so sorry…” Sam sobbed, hugging them tightly. All this time she’d been terrified that her body was ruined, and had taken that fear out on everyone. But those problems had been all in her head. There was so much to do. She needed to call her mom. She needed to apologize to all her old friends, and her new ones, too. But that could wait for later. Right now, she just wanted to cry. She wasn’t broken. Not anymore.