This Life, This Dream

I don’t consider myself to be particularly smart. I get easily overwhelmed in most situations and I only ever realize important things at the last possible moment. I guess that’s why I’m fighting through my anxiety right now as I sit on my bedside calling everybody I know one by one. To avoid further complications in an already far-too-complicated summer, I plan to clear absolutely everything up tonight, or at least try.

“Is this the… uh, Lewis residence?”

“Yes.” Kirk’s father’s deep voice announces to me through the cell speaker. “Kirk is not available. Please find something to do with yourself.”

“I’m… uh, trying, sir. But actually, it was you I wanted to speak with.”

“…Is that so.” He answers after a slight pause. “Yes, go on then.”

“I would like to… formally invite you and your family to my home tonight. Consider it an apology. I will be serving a meal.” I do my best to appeal to his manners. So long as I ask politely, I don’t think he’d have it in him to say no to something like this… especially not if he had to tell Kirk later that he did. No dad would wanna have to do that. But… then again… isn’t that exactly the kind of thing this guy might do? No. I put the thought out of my brain. Every time I get worked up about the negative possibilities like that, it never amounts to anything. Anyway, it’s only when I don’t consider those factors at all and go in blind that I make mistakes anyway. So I assure myself I’m on the right track this time.

“…My family would always be delighted to visit if invited. I will say, that despite the… incident occurring upon our arrival, we all enjoyed your get-together on the fourth. What time?”

“Five!” I fist-pump to myself, before calming down. “Uh- five, sir.”

“Very well then. Thank you. Goodbye.”

“Bye.” He hangs up. Great. One down, three to go. I pick up my phone and stare at the dial screen, more than ready to call them all.

…

Oh, shit.

My chin resting on my fist, I can’t help but scold myself. Of course I don’t have Seth’s, Elias’, or even Cleo’s number. Sheesh. And I really thought I wouldn’t have to see any of them until tonight. Would’ve been a tad more dramatic that way. But… oh well, I guess. One last mad dash around the block couldn’t hurt. I mentally project a map of the neighborhood onto my anime-plastered closet wall. They’re all quite close. Elias is the furthest away, but not by much. Seth is pretty close to him anyway. Cleo is the closest, obviously, but…

Another lightning bolt strikes down through my brain as my ingrained knowledge of all things Vtubers activates like a sixth sense. I recall looking at her stream schedule for this week. All I had to do was glance at it, and those times and dates were seared straight into my obsessed skull. That’s right… today. From just about right now until who knows when, Cleo is streaming as Sumire Anata.

I suppose this complicates things a bit.

I can go see the others first, but even then, there’s no telling if she’ll be done by then. No… I can say almost for certain that she won’t be done. A typical steam can last well over two hours, especially for someone as devoted as her. I’d say three hours would be the average, at least for the Vtubers I watch… which is to say, essentially all of them. If I could call her, it would be no problem, she could easily excuse herself for a break… but since I lack her number, and Seth certainly wouldn’t have it either… I’m kind of screwed. Are phone books even a thing anymore? I know for sure we don’t have one in our house. Maybe I could send her a superchat… no, that wouldn’t work at all. She might not read it until a later stream, and even then, what am I supposed to say? “This is Roscoe, party at five?” It’s too unreliable. Maybe if I just go up and ring the doorbell, she’ll answer. I can’t say for certain…. But I mean, I’ve seen other Vtubers interrupt a stream to pick up a package or food though, so… yeah. I’d say that has a fairly good chance of working. It’s simple. Just like the first time I met her. Just go up to the door, ring the bell, and pray for the best. I see no reason why that couldn’t work. I’m totally overthinking this.

I put on my shoes. Even so, I’ll hit her up last. If there’s any chance the stream ends before then, it won’t be a problem at all. I shove my phone in my pocket, opening her steam before I do so. With one earbud in my left ear, I’ll know if she starts wrapping up.

“Going out, Ross?” Dad calls as I hurry down the stairs. “I’m getting out to pick up the food.”

“Yeah. Just… realized I never got anyone’s number all summer. So it looks like I’ll be inviting most of them in person.”

“Ah, lucky them. Well, good luck out there.”

“You too, dad.” I say as I run out the door. The sky looks more blue today than it has ever looked in my entire life. I feel a little like a kid again… not that I exactly ain’t one.

“So yeah, today we’re just gonna be shootin’ the… today we’re just gonna be talking. How’s everyone doing this fine morning?” Cleo asks into my ear and on computer screens around the world in her ever-so-slightly pitched up character voice. Now that I know how to feel about the two of us… it’s actually really calming to hear her voice in my head as I go about this final mission.

Elias ordered me never to return to his humble abode, but he really leaves me no choice. Maybe it’s okay so long as I don’t have to go in, which I won’t. He seems to have become more self-aware about himself, so hopefully he won’t be too pissed to see me at his doormat again.

I didn’t notice the first time I went there, but Elias’ door is the exact shade of almost-navy blue his jacket is. I joke to myself that maybe his mom painted it for him when he was little or something as I ring the bell and stand as un-awkwardly as possible (I mostly fail.)

Of course, he’s the one to open the door. Thankfully, the guy doesn’t seem to get out as much as he might like to have others believe. Even more thankfully, he doesn’t look mad or even all that pretentious today. Just kinda… dead. He doesn’t know what to say to me or how to act around me anymore. At least last time he had something to do for me. Now I’m just kinda… here, and there’s not even a reason for it.

“Hey. Uh, Elias, I wanna invite you to my house tonight.”

“Why? Are you… planning a sleepover or something? A little… loser sleepover?”

“No. It’s just uh, a get-together. There’s gonna be food. Some other people from the neighborhood will be there. You don’t have to stay long.”

“I’ve never… been.”

“Huh?”

“To a… sleepover.”

“Oh… uh-huh.”

“I… hate myself, Roscoe.”

“Yeah…? Uh… I’m sorry… about that.”

“Why am I such a dick, Roscoe?”

“I wouldn’t… know.”

“I’m sorry. I just embarrassed myself again.”

“You don’t have to… think about it like that. It’s… fine.”

“No. It’s not fine at all. I don’t know how to live with myself.”

“You don’t… like, need to know. Again, it’s… fine. Don’t… think about it too hard.”

“Have you ever… wished you were a different person, Roscoe?”

“Yeah… for sure.”

“I thought… This was the best person someone could be. Because people like this succeed. But really… well, this was actually the worst person I could’ve ever turned out to be, wasn't it? Sure, I’ve succeeded… but only by acting like I’m above… guys like you. No. Even that sounds bad. See, still, I’m trapped in such an awful way of thinking. I made everyone proud… but really, I’ve only let myself down. Tell me… Roscoe… just what the hell do I do?”

“…Forget it.” I sigh.

“Huh?”

“Don’t ever worry about who you’ve been in the past. It never makes much sense, looking back on… I dunno, things that’ve already happened… I mean, you can’t always put yourself back in that headspace, you know? Listen… my answer’s the same. You don’t have to sweat it. It’s pointless. Just… geez, man, just try to have fun. I forgave you days ago.”

“….”

Elias looks at the grass. He’s thinking really hard. No… actually, I don’t think he’s thinking at all. Just… feeling. Feeling more than he ever has before.

“Alright, Roscoe. Good tip. Five, right...? I’ll be there. For as long as you need me.”

“Good talk. See ya.”

Walking away from the well-kept house of my former enemy, I’m reminded of his classic blue jacket. For some reason, he wasn’t wearing it just then.

I was afraid Seth might be working today, but as I step towards his building, his car seems to be in his driveway. He opens the door the second I knock on it, poking his dark-haired head out and looking at me like some kind of serial killer.

“Roscoe… What are you doing here? You really should be doing anything better with your summer…” He says, tugging on his half-buttoned shirt he’s currently sweating through.

“You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah… I uh, got fed up, and quit my job. Didn’t even… haha- send in a resignation or anything, I just… decided to leave! Geez, what the hell is wrong with me…”

“Seth… uh, can you come over tonight?”

“Huh?”

“Trying to meet up with all the people I ran into over the break. Figured you ought to be there too.”

“Why? God, kids are so annoying these days…”

“Listen, Seth, do you have anything… better to do? Come on…. It’s a free meal.”

“It doesn’t make sense! Why the- kid, what the hell are you doing inviting guys like me to your house? I’m a bad influence, you know! And when have you ever-“

“That’s not true, Seth. As… much of an ass as you can be, everything you’ve said has been genuine. Sorry if this comes off as backhanded… but… well, honestly, all summer, you’ve been kinda an anti-role model for me. I mean… it kinda seemed like from my point of view you just didn’t want me to make the same mistakes you did… and end up like you.”

The man in front of me laughs out loud. “Is that so? Shit, I really am pathetic, huh… I don’t take it back. Nobody should live like I do.”

“Did. For better or worse… you left the job you hated, right? Unless you plan on going back.”

“Never. Said it myself… I’d rather starve. But hey… stupid as you can be, kid, I guess that means you've got a point in one area… no reason to pass up a free meal.”

“That’s great. See you at five, then? Thanks.”

I turn to walk away, but something falls out of my ear.

“Huh? What’s this?” I whip back around to see Seth picking up the small device still connected by Bluetooth to the phone residing in my right pocket. I gawk as he puts it up to his ear. I’ve never seen Seth with such a dumb expression on his face before.

“What the- this is… is this… Cleo?”

“Maybe. It’s also the Vtuber, Sumire Anata. Either way… my idol.”

After Seth returns my earbud, I arrive back at my preverbal neck of the woods and at Cleo’s door. This all went down in the span of less than a month, but it feels like I’ve stood in this exact spot for cumulative years at this point. And I guess, hopefully, this won’t be the last time, either.

I turn up the volume on my phone. Is she still going? I hear the subtle noise of the usual pleasant BGM as she chats about something I don’t have context for. It doesn’t sound like she’s even close to stopping, so I’ll just have to come knocking. I decide to be polite though, since I’m in a unique position to do so. I wait for her to finish speaking on the topic, and after about six minutes, I ring the bell.

….

She starts going onto another topic. Did she not hear at all?

I ring. I ring again. I try knocking. But nothing works. Then I start to wonder…

While other Vtubers leave to open their doors if needed all the time… I have never once witnessed Anata do so. She definitely takes breaks, obviously, but if she specifies why she’s leaving, it’s only ever to use the bathroom or something like that. She never orders food or stops a stream to talk to someone…

I backtrack, jogging backwards to the road until I can peek just up into her window. From this angle, I can’t see her, obviously, just the ceiling of the room she should be in right now and some of her soundproofing. That gets me thinking… if she already has some habit of not opening the door during a stream, she might be locked up in her room right now, unable to even hear me. What then?

Well… I could just wait for her stream to end… but that could end up giving her only a few hours notice before the party starts. Sure, she might come anyway… Cleo’s nice, after all, but then again, no reason to risk it. Either way… I don’t want her to have to stress about it tonight. After all, she’s the one I’m doing this for more than anyone. Because… I want her to be the first person to know about my dream.

I draw my phone from my pocket. I can see her, right there. Just in the form of a stylized vampire princess, swaying back and forth in tune with her motions. Right now, she’s talking about a game she streamed before she moved here… I hate to interrupt her, but it seems I have no choice.

Fighting against every moral fiber in my viewer body, I begin to spam, “window” endlessly. Like a crazed anti, I copy, paste, and post without remorse. My once brothers-in-arms in the feed condemn me with messages like “bot” and “ruining the stream” but I carry on, even more tenacious than before. This is for the greater good, I tell myself. This is for Cleo.

“Huh? Oh, sorry, chat, I’ll ban that guy.”

A deep shame overcomes me as I am kicked off of the stream. This WebTube account has been rendered useless, and for what? She didn’t do so much as get up to look out her window. I guess it’s time for plan B.

I dunno if he’d agree… but… the very reason I realized Cleo was living next to me was because of a loud truck that drove past the first night she streamed. My dad is gone shopping, and he would never speed, much less in a neighborhood… but I know one guy who’s got nothing to lose. If I can just get Seth to strap up in that car of his and burn rubber down the road, maybe it’d be loud enough to get her attention. Then, when she looks to see what caused the commotion, I’ll be there across the road, flapping my arms like mad. It’s foolproo-

“Just what the hell are you thinking?”

Cleo’s voice comes not from the tiny speaker in my ear, but rather, her front door, which is now wide open as she stands in it with one hand on her hip. Needless to say, she isn’t pleased.

“Cleo! I- I’m so sorry! I needed to speak with you! It’s really important!” In my haste, I didn’t even notice her get up and leave the stream. “I tried really hard to get your attention, but-“

“You think I didn’t hear my doorbell ringing?” She sighs. “Ross, I woulda come seen you, but I had to wrap up the first half of the stream before reading off superchats. This is my job, okay? I take it seriously. Even if I am… beginning to lose passion for it.

“I-I’m very sorry.” I stare at my shoes in embarrassment before my head shoots up in confusion. “Wait, “lose passion?” What do you mean, Cleo?”

“Ross… I feel like I’m forgetting why I do what I do. Now that you know, and I’ve gotten used to this new place… it’s not doing much for me anymore… the spark from when I debuted feels like it’s starting to fade.”

I look at her with what may very well be the most determined stare I’ve ever given anyone. “Cleo… I need you to come over to my house tonight! Everyone will be there, but I need you most of all! It’s more important than anything else I’ve done before it. At five o’clock, okay? There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Yeah… Okay… kid, you’re acting different today. Did you… figure out what you like?”

“I did.” I nod. “Please be there so I can reveal it.”

“You got it.” She smiles. “Sheesh, you’re so anxious, you can’t even wait one day before solving your problems. I kinda like that about you. You’d do well in a job, whatever it is you’ve decided on. Just… make the right choice.”

“Thanks. You can get back to work now. And I’m sorry for the spam.”

“Apology accepted. But do it again, and I’ll ban your IP. I know where you live, you know. That fact goes both ways, hahahoo.”

“See ya!” I laugh nervously. That does it. In under an hour, I got everyone all set. Though my god, I had better get their numbers before next time I need them. I run back into my house. Now, the easy part.

This feels like waiting for Christmas morning, if Christmas morning was important for my foreseeable future in terms of my relationships and life’s purpose. It really doesn’t make much sense to make such a big deal out of this on the surface- but nowadays, I kinda like things being a “big deal” now and then. It’s exciting. I may be sitting in bed now, but tonight, I’ll be making progress to something I never even considered until now. Progress towards my first real dream.

My dad shows up. As I help him stock the fridge and set the table, we quickly realize we’re gonna need some more seating. In addition to the small table we have but rarely use in the kitchen, we manage to add a couple more chairs to the main one. Soon enough, it won’t feel as empty as it always did eating dinner with the three of us every night. For a little while, it’ll be so full I’ll hardly be able to handle it.

The rest of my time waiting is spent with Mylie. She shows me a lot she’s been working on lately. Drawings. Short stories. A couple handmade costumes and props. I still hate that I used to discourage her. Ever since I stopped doing that, though, I actually began to feel a little insignificant compared to everything she’s doing. But not anymore. With my own future in sight, any jealousy or bias is gone from my view of her- and it’s clear she’s got a lot to look forward to. When the first person arrives, we’re the ones who greet them.

“Roscoe… I ended up gettin’ a little drunk before I came here… but I ain’t slowing down… ya got beer, right? Thanks…”

Unfortunately, that person is Seth.

“R-Roscoe?” Mylie asks. “What kind of friends are you making out there?”

“Ah… well, you know, Seth’s better than a friend. He’s like… uh… Dad? Do we have beer?” I call out.

The others start filing in shortly as the party gets going. The Lewis family, plus Kirk’s co-worker, Darla, all come in.

“Roscoe! I hope it’s okay that I brought a plus-one. We started dating today!” My best friend announces.

“T-that’s great! Yeah, of course that’s totally fine!”

“Thanks man! I just found out she watches those… what were they… oh yeah, those Vtuber things too! But don’t worry, she doesn’t watch Cleo!”

“Wait, watch who?” Darla attempts to ask, though the question is entirely drowned out by a terribly fake, terribly loud laugh I conjure up at the last moment.

“Data! Get back here!” Ms. Lewis calls out as her youngest son goes to explore our entire second floor.

Elias comes in next, on his own. I guess I didn’t say anything about his family coming. It’s not like I need to talk to them, but he didn’t have to come alone… I consider asking, but before I can, he’s already sitting down.

“Roscoe. Sit with me.”

“Okay.” I say, taking the spot across from him. Never in a thousand years did I think this guy would be at my dinner table, but here we are.

“A lot’s been on my mind these past few days… why I am the way I am… whether or not I can change… if it’ll make life worse, or better… but it’s all been distracting me from just one thing…”

“W-what is it… Elias?”

“What was that deranged cartoon we watched those short few days ago? I mean- that couldn’t have aired on- TV, could it? Was that- some kind of experimental film, or…”

“It’s uh… that’s an… it’s an “anime.” Um. W-why?”

“Anime… I think I’m going to need… to watch a lot more anime… if I ever want… to get out of this head of mine. Do you understand, Roscoe?”

“Y-yeah… I get it.” I say. “That can… be arranged.” I realize it now. Elias was never any smarter than me. We’re both idiots who didn’t know what we wanted or how to live. We just got obsessed with different things. So if I need a spoonful of real life… this guy might actually need a spoonful of fantasy, for once. But besides that… we’re both idiots because we both act like total weirdos. 

Just as I excuse myself to get a drink or something, the door opens a fourth time. Of course. I knew this was coming. I thought this wasn’t gonna be so dramatic considering I had to manually tell each one of them when to show up earlier, but, despite her being the closest to me, fate has conspired to have Cleo arrive last.

“Roscoe! Hey, man!” She casually enters, immediately deflating any theatrics. I’m kinda grateful. “Ah, Christ. Is that Seth goddamn Pines?”

“Cleo.” He burps. “Looks like the brat has conspired to reunite us. Now it all makes sense.”

“Alright, asshole!” She marches up to him and points a demanding finger in his face. “Tell me why you’ve been so damn interested in my house as of late!”

“What, what? You move into my frickin’ neighborhood and I’m just supposed to ignore it…? Paranoid as always, you alcoholic barf-girl…”

“Says the one drinking right now! And wait- you saw that? So you were at the last party! And don’t you get me started about my relationship with alcohol- I believe it was you who got me into the stuff, was it not?”

“Oh, please. How was I supposed to know you weren’t twenty-one? Hardly had time to think with you always yellin’ yer head off beggin’ me to pay for it. And may I remind you that you’re the one who got me to pick up smoking, you little delinquent.”

“So what, we’re even? Uh, last I checked, you were an adult at the time and I was most definitely not in the eyes of the law. Therefore, I am the innocent victim in quite the ugly case of a bad, scary older influence.”

“We’re both bad, scary influences now. Least you could do is accept it and move on.” He takes another sip.

“Roscoe.” Cleo gives me a frightening smile. “Don’t you ever end up like this bum, okay?”

“O-okay…” I say. “Glad you two are getting things worked out…”

“Seth, hand me a beer.”

“Why? So you are gonna get drunk?”

“Just saving one for later before you drink them all. Don’t worry- I’m not starting until this guy tells me his big surprise. I want to be nice and sober for that.”

“Thanks for the… consideration, Cleo.” I say. “Are y'all… uh, hungry?”

“Alright!” Cleo shouts, only getting herself more pumped up. “Let’s get some food on the table!”

I begin to understand how people like me and Cleo work. We’re quite similar, really- alone, and in states of order and peace, we’re quiet folk- we don’t ask for much and would rather not be bothered. At least, that’s what we’d tell ourselves. But when things start getting interesting- when there’s fun to be had or things to be done- when a party gets going, or someone insults our dream- all our built-up passion bursts out in the chaos, and we start doing all sorts of things… running around town, yelling at people, crying... Little funny, maybe, but when you think of it like that, it ain’t so bad being someone like me. I might even say I like it. All that was missing was finding how a weirdo like that fits into this world.

The two families and Elias sit around the main table. We leave Cleo and Seth to catch up in the other room. I don’t think Ms. Lewis would take too kindly to having to hear them bicker. Personally, I just hope no one loses an eye.

The table is essentially split down the middle- more of a diagonal split, since the Lewises have an extra family member on us, but we’ve got them on one side, Data at the head, and us on the other, my father at ours. Makes it look like my dad’ll be debating with an elementary schooler, instead of the actual argument I’m gonna have to start up pretty soon. Mylie is next to me, but Kirk is right across the table… with his dad seated beside him, much to Darla’s dismay, who, like Ms. Lewis, is seated kind of at a corner of the table. The meal is nachos. A staple of my dad’s, considering he’s only good at dishes that involve cooking a lot of beef and not a whole lot else. Just like his burgers, they taste great, though.

“Kirk…” I go for my opening bombardment. “So… uh, done everything you want to this summer?”

“Oh, uh…” He begins to answer, with far less gusto than would be typical for him. “Not… exactly. Still plenty of time left though. I could maybe get it done.” Suddenly, Mr. Lewis turns to me.

“Roscoe, if you’d like to speak about something, I appreciate trying to ease us into it, but it would be better to just bring up the matter at hand.”

“Oh… uh.” I respond, expecting him to continue.

“Well.” He interrupts the version of himself in my head. “Bring it up, then.”

“Yes… I- well, sir, I think it might be… I mean, our friendship aside, don’t you, uh… think it might be good for Kirk to have a bit more freedom with his time? The few times we’ve spoken, he seems like he could use that…”

“Roscoe. One thing you come to understand at my age is that, as a child, your future matters more than your present. That is not to say you should not do anything- quite the opposite, in fact- I believe you should strive to make your future a suitable one for yourself, as, inversely, as an adult, your present matters more than your past or future. Instead of relying on people, you now have others relying on you, and you have much more freedom to experience your present in the first place. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well, I…. With all due respect sir… uh… no?”

Kirk’s father gives me a firm, professional glance.

“It’s just that uh… sir, you’re only a kid once… are you not? And at this point, we’ve only got a bit of that left… don’t you think all this time keeping Kirk locked in his room might at least be better suited to after the school year starts? I mean, heck, they’ll already be talking us to college there nonstop anyway. I saw that last year. If you… I mean, not to tell you how to do things, I’m only as old as your son, but… if I were in his place, what I’d say is… “won’t you let me enjoy this while it lasts?”

“Kirk.” Mr. Lewis turns to his son. “You have argued this same point to me before. So why is it that lately, you’ve stopped? From my perspective, you began to see this as right for you, and finally accepted it.”

“Oh.” Kirk stammers. It’s strange seeing him like this. Now I know how he felt when I started coming out of my shell. “Dad, I… I just stopped ‘cause I didn’t see the point in it anymore… I mean… I thought I was done for.”

“I see.” His father says quite sternly and twice as coldly. I know then that he’s listened well to all we’ve said… and doesn’t see it as a viable argument. His tone is that of a politician hearing about a problem they never intend to solve. It doesn’t matter what we say to him, in his mind, he knows what’s best, and there’s no stopping that. I start to wonder if there’s any other way I can get Kirk some more free time…

“Kirk, we’ll stop studying for the rest of summer.”

I don’t hear him at first. Did Mr. Lewis just say that? What, is he joking? What a cruel bastard, I think. But then I see Kirk’s face. He’s smiling so darn wide. Now I see I had nothing to worry about at all. Of course. Kirk’s dad ain’t a boss monster I’ve been going up against, just some guy who disagreed with his son on the values of a good summer.

“Thanks, dad! Seriously, thank you! I promise- I’ll make the most of this summer, no matter what! Darla, scratch everything I said when I asked you out! I mean- expect the part where I asked you out, that’s still good! Everything else though, that doesn’t apply anymore! We can start hanging out right now, we ain’t gotta wait for school or nothing! And Roscoe- you too, man. The other half of my summer’s dedicated to you, dude. We’re gonna have enough fun to make up for all the lost time seventy times over, or I’ve failed as a friend. You got it?”

“Yeah!” I exclaim, maybe a bit too loud. Nobody at this table seems to care. In fact, they all seem pretty happy to see something like that get cooled off so fast.

“But Kirk…” Mr. Lewis starts. “Next time, don’t give up pestering me if I’m doing something you don’t like. I think I’ll listen eventually, so long as you’re reasonable.”

“You got it, dad. Clear communication from here on out, that's a promise.”

The food goes fast with the eight of us around the table and the two having a shouting match in the other room. Once we’re done, I decide to go check on them. Or… at least I try, but Seth beats me to the punch, limping drunkenly out the kitchen door as he rests his hand on my shoulder.

“Kid… thanks for that… I hate you, but thanks for that… we had to argue like this eventually… I’m just glad it got to happen in a secure location with plenty of liquor. I’m gonna laze about ‘till I sober up, then go home… just don’t bother me, okay?”

“Yeah, alright… uh, Seth, you gonna be alright? As for like… your job, and everything.”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but… I gotta a support network. Good family not far from here. If worse comes to worse… I ain't actually gonna starve. I left that job… cause I could. I’m stupid… yeah.. just not that stupid. Don’t worry about it, ya damn weirdo… stop carin’ for creepy grown-ups so much!”

“Alright. Thanks for the summer, Seth.”

“Don’t thank me yet… dumbass kid.” Seth hiccups over to the couch in the den and starts sleeping it off. I make a mental note not to forget he’s in there.

Finally, as everyone else chats on their own, I can walk into the kitchen to see her. As promised, her single beer remains unopened. She looks drained, but she’s still wearing a half-smile.

“Ross…” she says. “I got out everything I needed to with Seth. Thanks for giving me that chance.”

“No, I’m just proud of you. If anything, I’m sorry you had to see him. I'm glad you could handle it.

“This has been good for me… since I’ve always just cut out the people I didn’t like my whole life… I’m always worried about them popping back up. But now… there’s one less of those. And I feel a lot more comfortable in this little neighborhood.”

“That’s great. It makes me happy to hear you say that, Cleo.”

“Now… kid. You’ve had me on the edge of my seat all day. As I start to care less and less about my job and my life… I’m at least interested to see what you’ll do. Just… What is it you’re thinking about making out of this life of yours? I thought hard about it, and there were a few ideas I had… but I thought, no… that couldn’t be the case. S’too unlikely. Ross wouldn’t do that. But then I remembered… who I’m dealing with here. Unlikely is the name of the game for you. So tell me… what was your decision?”

“I…” excitement bubbles in my throat. “Do I really have to say it? I mean…” my heart’s beating fast. This is it. “Cleo, there’s only one thing I could possibly do… I just… love the idea of it more than anything… and the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s what I GOTTA do, no matter what anyone says, or how hard it might be… what I want… What I love more than anything…”

I swallow hard, and speak.

“Cleo, I want to be a Vtuber.”

How did this happen?

All of my summer amounted to this.

I must be insane.

But at least I’ve found what I want.

As I sat in that room surrounded by my obsession, this profession I studied and admired but never aspired to myself- I didn’t get how it took me so long to realize I wanted this. Once the idea struck me, it all clicked. A job that would allow me to express myself and make other people happy. A job with a constant workflow that I could fall into, like putting pieces of a machine together over a few hours. A job where all my “loser” knowledge would actually be incredibly useful in navigating the landscape. Everything I was looking for… and it was right in front of me.

“Roscoe… you really are something, you know that? My god… are you serious?”

“Yeah, serious as can be. Now, I’ll probably end up working part-time at the same time to help pay off a model and everything else I need… it won’t be easy. In fact, this is probably the hardest thing I could possibly do. But what separates from all those other jobs and futures is that I actually want it. And that makes all the difference. When I really thought about what would make me happy in life… well, I really just wanna bring people the same happiness you brought me. I wanted to be just like you. But… I didn’t understand that before. Because I never imagined being somebody I’d actually like.

“Roscoe… you know how stupid that could end up being, right? You almost certainly won’t succeed.”

“You’re right. I wanna try anyway.”

Cleo gives a smirk that is just as entertained as it is proud.

“Alright. Now this… is exactly what we want here in my line of work, Ross… passion!” Reinvigorated, she shakes me by my shoulders. “I’m gonna train you to be the best damn Vtuber in the world, whether you like it or not!”

“I will!” I say, obviously.

I never talked, so I thought I couldn’t.

I never liked anything, so I thought I wouldn’t.

I never tried to love, so I didn't know if I wanted it.

A job that lets me express something… one where I can always know I’m working towards something… one that’s all chaos, no silence… and in line with my interests. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Oh, that’s right. Because I didn’t much like Roscoe before now. So I didn’t let him think about things like that… things he wanted. Now… I’m free to do the things I actually wanna do.

Who knew life could be so simple.

The visitors slowly begin to leave after that. The Lewises are first, along with Kirk’s girlfriend Darla. Before he steps out the door, Kirk says one last thing to me:

“I heard what you told Cleo. Good luck, dude. Darla’s trying to get me into these Vtubers, so I’ll check you out too when you make it.”

It’s gotten so dark outside so fast. Before I know it, they’ve all disappeared into the cold summer night. And soon enough, a sobered up Seth follows.

“Roscoe… you don’t still plan on dating Cleo, do you…?”

“No. I don’t like her that way.”

“Good.” He yawns. “Me neither. Find yourself someone better, you hear?”

“I’m good.” I reply. “I dunno if I’m really into liking people either. But hey, we’ll see.”

“Heh.” He laughs. “Should’ve figured as much. You did kinda remind me of her.” He walks at the door with not one more word. I’m not sure how I grew to enjoy Seth’s company, but at the end of the day, I wish the best for him.

“I’m leaving, Roscoe.” Elias walks up next.

“Have a safe trip home. This was pretty fun.”

“Yes. Thanks for having me. Sorry for being an asshole. When… school starts again, I’m probably gonna drop most of the friends I had last year. If you’d let me… I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s more than fine. I’m gonna get bored with just Kirk around, now that I’ve got a taste of how… interesting other people can be.”

“Same here. Roscoe… I will be rewatching that… “anime” tonight. I expect to have a long discussion about it with you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

Then there’s just one more person who needs to find their way home.

“Cleo.”

“Well alright, Ross. That’s it for tonight. I hope your dreams manage to come true. When exactly do you plan on debuting?”

“I made a promise to my father to find a job before the summer’s end. Even though I said I’d work another job in addition to streaming just to keep my career afloat, I want my Vtuber work to be what satisfies that promise. So I’ll be starting before this break ends, no matter what.”

“Gutsy as always. If you have any questions, I’ll gladly take them. Don’t get overconfident, but… with my help, I think you can do it by then.”

“Okay.” We shake hands firmly like 80’s action heroes. “My promise extends to you, too, then. I will be a Vtuber before school starts, or you can keep me banned from your channel for all eternity.”

“Deal. See you soon, Roscoe.”

“See ya.” I say, as she exits out into the darkness.

The house is quiet again. Mylie is adjusting the ears on her costume. Dad is cleaning up. In a flash, it’s back to the same sanctuary I spent most of this summer in- the boring cage I wasted away in before Cleo broke my world. Of course, I gotta give myself some credit. After all… I really could have just never talked to her, and none of this would have ever even happened… it’s the scariest thought I can conjure at this point in my comparatively minuscule life.

Before I go up into my room to think more, and maybe even begin planning my career until I go to bed, a large, warm hand on my shoulder stops me.

“Hey, Ross. I got one last thing for ya.”

Dad is holding something in his other hand, but again, his work-worn hands are so big, I can’t even see it.

“Your mother gave me very vague instructions for when to hand this over. She said… “when he’s starting to put the pieces together, give it to him…” and that’s about it. Son… I dunno what it is you’re trying to get into, but the way that lady… Cleo… looked at you… son, if you’re making people completely unrelated to us that proud, I think you’re more than on the “right track.” Take it.”

It’s a small, green thing. Soft, yet… worn, and old. A one-eared stuffed bear with patches sewn onto its emerald belly of a sun and half a heart.

“His name is Oakley. When Denise was in the hospital, she held it every day as she thought of us. She said that she made it as a child, and whenever she clenched it at night, her dreams would be pleasant. It’s one thing her parents couldn’t buy for her if she lost… something she made on her own, that she could be proud of no matter what. It’s no stretch to say that little bear was the most special thing in the world to her, as far as inanimate objects go. Take it… make something of it, alright? Make it special to you.”

I look at the oddly-colored teddy bear, and for whatever reason, it’s like I’m looking in a mirror. Maybe the same feelings my mother put into this bear are the ones she wanted me to embody as well. I take it to my room with me, and set it on my bedside table. Staring at it, I know just what to do.

“I’ve decided already. You’ll be my partner. Let’s go find our dream.”

This summer was short, but it kinda feels like more happened in just this last half of it than my entire life. I’m thankful for every last day of it. The good, the bad… just any time I got to spend here… was so much more real than anything I’d ever experienced before. I promise myself… to live the rest of my life like I lived this summer. Running from door to door, not stopping for anything… so I can make sure I don’t miss a single thing.