I would never have thoughts like that

“Maybe it would be better if I just went with jeans and a warm sweater. It’s the middle of winter after all…” I said to myself as I was looking in the mirror. Even though I liked the dress that I was wearing, it wasn’t good for strolling around the Christmas Market. It would be way too cold. But then again… Jeans and a sweater would be warm but if I imagined how I would look next to the always perfect-looking Nastya, I felt myself cringe almost instantly. I removed the jeans again and went back to sift through my clothes. Maybe this one?

“That is the 5th time you changed your mind on what to wear. What is so important about your looks today?” Lise suddenly asked while I was putting on my newly picked dress. It was the first time I heard of her ever since that attack. So, I was glad to hear she was just fine. I know Rosalinde said she would be, but it is always better to hear it directly from the source.

“You’re back! Are you feeling better?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Lise said rather strictly.

Being confronted with Lise, I started to feel guilty again about going to the Christmas market with Nastya. It was better to come clean and tell her right away.

“I promised Nastya to show her a Belgian Christmas and to take her to the Christmas market in Brussels. I am not sure what would be appropriate to wear since it is cold out.” I confessed. I thought that she would be angry that I was going out with Nastya, but weirdly enough Lise’s voice suddenly became softer. It was clear she decided to be helpful and supportive.

“And that is what you plan on wearing? Are you out of your mind?”

I looked at the blue dress that I planned on wearing. “What’s wrong with it? It’s casual but not too casual either and I can put a wool sweater over it without too much trouble.”

I could hear Lise sigh. “We are talking about prim and proper Nastya, and you are planning on wearing your uniform wool sweater…”

Suddenly I started getting doubts. Was that really so wrong?

“Of course, that is wrong. Open your cabinet.”

I did as I was told. “You really don’t have any of the cute stuff you used to wear left…”

“I did not feel like that was me anymore, so I threw it all out.”

“Well, we will have to make do with what we have.”

Lise picked out a dark grey skirt and made me wear a matching little vest over my black wool sweater. That way I would be stylish and warm at the same time. She always had a good eye for stuff like that.

“Then now for your make-up.” The whole atmosphere we had going on was just like in the old days when we would do everything together. It started to feel nostalgic, and I was glad to share this moment with Lise.

She made me do something modest but quite effective with the make-up. Completely different from what Aunt Christina had taught me.

The only thing that did not really match my outfit was my shoes. There was just no way that I was going to wear heels to walk over the cobblestones in Brussels. But Lise got furious when I tried to put on some sneakers, so instead, she made me wear my pair of short boots.

When I was ready, I looked into the mirror and was amazed at the reflection. I gave off a rather strict air. Was that classy girl really me?

“Don’t forget the hairclip.” Rosalinde suddenly interfered. “You never know what might happen after all.”

I put the hairclip in place and looked again in the mirror. For a second, I thought I looked a little like my mom when she was making herself pretty to go out with dad.

“You really are starting to look more and more like her. I’m sure she would be proud of a pretty daughter like that.” Lise said.

I could not help but smile at that remark.

“Thank you, Lise. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“O-Off course. Now go out and have fun. Make sure to show her a good time! Teach her all about Christmas in Belgium.”

I picked up my purse and left. I was finally ready to meet up with Nastya.

+++++++

Rosalinde’s POV

“She looked happy, didn’t she?” Lise said with a sad undertone in her voice. I could feel that she was conflicted by what she had just done.

“Yes, very happy. I told you that it would make a huge difference for her if you acted supportive about it. She can’t keep living in the past.”

“I guess… I just wished I could have gone on that date with her.” Lise started to cry. I could feel her sadness. But I had no choice but to make her do this. This was our pact after all. Just a little more and our pact would be completed.

I sped toward her and took her into my arms to comfort her.

“You should be happy that you get to do this for her, you know she has been feeling guilty about this.”

Lise suddenly looked into my eyes with a sheepish look that asked for confirmation. “I know. This is for the best right?”

“Of course, it is. I can tell you love her very much if you can go this far for her and I am sure she can tell too.”

She then intensified the hug. I could feel her softness press into me and started to feel really nervous. It always was an overwhelming sensation when she did that. Since we were ghosts, this was a lot more intimate than if we would be alive, but Lise did not seem to care about that. As our energies started to flow into each other I felt my nervousness fade. I could feel that she needed to be comforted and put my hand on her head to gently stroke her head.

Before she released the hug, she said “I don’t know what I would have done without you. You’ve been so kind to us helping us as you do. You really are one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met.”

That smile she gave me made it hard for me to keep looking her in the eyes. Why did she always have to be so genuine? I could never spot a single bad intention toward me in her mind. This is making this so much harder for me.

“I’m not kind. I’m just doing what I am paid to do.”

“But you did not need to do that. You are even helping Nastya, just for making sure Fleure keeps her word.”

Please don’t be so positive about me. It is hard to take. You have no idea what the payment is going to be.

Each time Lise talked to me like that I became unsteady. Should I really go through with this? This was my big chance. But Lise was always so innocent in everything. I used to be like that but have long since lost that naivety after getting used and abused I learned that lesson the hard way. Was I wrong to do the same thing to someone else that had been done to me? No, I made the right decision. A chance like this might not present itself again this century. But why did she always have to be so sweet to me? It wasn't making things easier...

“Ah! Stop embarrassing me like that! You know I’m not good with that!”

… I looked at her again. Could I really do this to this cute girl with that genuine smile that was always truly there for me? While looking at her, noticed my eyes landed automatically on her chest. I could see the nipples of her small breasts poking slightly through the fabric. I wondered how it would feel to touch them…

I suddenly noticed that Lise was blushing heavily. Did I just leak out those thoughts? No these were probably hers to begin with. I would never have thoughts like that.

“And stop messing with my mind like that! Really!”

“But I really wasn’t…” Lise said while having trouble looking me in the eyes.