The Night Isn't Waiting For Us

Soft sky above, soles upon smooth stones and clouds caressed with reflected light. A breeze brings a long awaited relief to my bones. All whilst birds arc above, playful upon swirling updrafts. I was back here again after that day, and then again, and again.

Akie-san would just sit there listening to me complaining for hours and hours, occasionally saying a word or two. Though he wouldn’t say anything to ease the pain in my heart. But I didn’t need any of that. What I wanted was someone to whom I could open my heart, someone who would gladly agree to hear me out. It was Akie-san, to whom I was able to tell everything, all my feelings, until I ran out of words to say every time.

And through that I found some peace in living. Nothing changed for me at school though, but at least there was someone who made me feel that I’m not wrong. If anything, I found some hope that something may change someday, something he showed me.

“Akie-san, what is this book you are always reading? On top of that, it doesn’t even have a cover or anything.”

“Oh, this.” He gazed at the book for a second, then bringing his eyes back at me, “Natsume Soseki’s ‘Kokoro.’ ”

“Why is it that you are always reading that book.”

“Well, you’ll understand when you have all the time the wolrd wants in your hand, yet nothing to do with it at all.” He smirked, then continued in a deeper tone, “Though if I had to say, it’s also like Karma.”

“Karma? What do you mean?”

“Iori-kun, have you ever fallen in love with someone?” Akie-san asked back, as I could see those gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of his heart, as if neither it nor his soul would welcome a beat.

“To be honest, I’ve never felt anything like that.”

“I’ll be frank. Love is the cruelest yet most beautiful curse that can exist. Love can make, break and shatter about anything.”

“Can you please stop with your philosophy?” I pouted, “I didn’t ask you that.”

“Don’t say it like that.” He laughed, uplifting the mood around us a bit, “But love truly is a curse. During my high school years, blinded by love for someone, I tricked a friend of mine who was dating that someone. In layman’s terms, I broke their relationship. The friend of mine moved away to a different city after graduation, while I took advantage of her broken heart. It was very pathetic of me, yet I used my love as an excuse to hide my guilt.”

“Kokoro , meaning heart, which has been torn apart…” I murmured, “As if heartless.”

“Saying that aloud kind of stings.” He sighed, “Though I think you are right. Both me and protagonist of this book, Sensei, ended up the same, heartless. He became a living ghost, while I’m… ahem.”

“Do you still regret it?”

“No. There is nothing for me to regret for that. Or you could say I slowly grew to forgive myself for that. Because with my wife and daughter, my life at those times was something I couldn’t ask more of.” He said, looking less remorseful, “Though there is still something for which I would’ve loved to get another chance in life. Remember the story I told you when we first met.”

“Yeah.”

“For me, to have been waiting here for so long, for you to be able to see me, our encounter, these aren’t mere coincidences. Meeting you that day, I don’t think that it just happened on a whim. I don’t know, but I might slowly be approaching to the answers I was looking for all this time.”

In the end, Akie-san didn’t give me the answer I wanted. Though I wonder, what is it for which he wanted to get another chance in life. Does he regret doing something, or not doing something? But does that even matter? What will he do after he finds what he is looking for? Looking at first glance, he seemed like a lost bird as he spoke. He was flying, flying, flying in search of a place. But at that moment I didn’t realize that I was also a tether of his lone adventure.

Next day, weather reports said that a typhoon was closing by our city, so I stayed back and didn’t go to school. Being able to not go to school was good in itself, but I didn’t like staying home either.

Dad was watching TV in the living room. He was intoxicated with booze, as the room reeked of the alcohol.

“Tropical typhoon moves eastward across the country, bringing torrential rain and flooding. The storm made landfall near Sasebo, Nagasaki Prefecture-”

The plasma screen sat in the corner like an unwelcome mirror. I tried not to look, but with it the reflected mess in the room seemed so much worse than the real thing. I went and turned the TV off.

“Don’t play the TV so loudly!’ I chimed, “And also, don’t drink so much!”

Dad’s foot tapped abruptly up and down, his gaze felt tight as he yelled, “Why did you turn the TV off!?”

Then almost without a conscious thought he picked up the remote to turn the TV back on, his mind comfortably blank once more.

My dinner was sitting on the dining table. Mom was doing the dishes in the kitchen. There are enough places for everyone to sit across the table, yet as a family, we never had a meal together ever till I can remember. Though I like it this way.

I was having my meal like usual, when mom came in the dining room. “Can’t you tell your dad to not drink so much? He doesn’t even go to work, just sitting infront of the TV all day and drinking.”

“You know what he does when he is drunk, don’t you?”

“How did things end up like this?” Mom whined, as she forced her hands over her face, “I’m trying so hard, yet I’m not able to fix anything.”

I was just listening to her while having my food, not glancing at her even once. I chugged a glass of water and looked up, as her eyes were staring right at mine.

“How are you doing at school, Iori?”

“I don’t know. Fine, I guess.”The most borderline answer I could’ve given to her. Mom didn’t say anything, as I noticed that she was looking at my right hand, at the burn mark of the cigarette Yamai-san gave to me.

“Iori, how did you get hurt there, let me see.” She said, as she pulled my hand towards her, “Did you get into a fight with someone?”

I didn’t say anything in return. The two us were silently gazing at each other, the TV in the next room loud enough to reach our ears. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Tell me, did you get into a fight or anything? How did you get hurt.”

“It’s nothing! Just leave me alone!” I made her leave my hand, as I pulled out from the chair before finishing my food.

“What do you mean nothing. Tell me, what’s your problem?”

I slammed my hands over the table, “What will happen if I tell you? What will you understand?”

There’s nothing more for me to tell her. Every time, it’s the same misery repeating itself. My classmates, the teachers, school authority, down to even my parents, no one will ever understand.

“It’s all his problems. How are we supposed to help him?”

“What do you mean they are bullying you?”

“Isn’t it like you started a fight, and now you’re running away.”

“Why do you always pick up unnecessary fights.”

“Iori, why do you always cause so much trouble for me?”

I’m tired of people putting on a blind eye. Nothing ever changes, no one ever understands. That’s why I am sick of this place. In a spurt of motion, I leave the dining room, and head for the front door.

“Iori, where are you going? Get back here!” I didn’t turn around, and headed straight outside. The lightning upon the cloud tops was the only brightness that night. The wind ran as if it has been restrained for time out of mind and it was determined to outrun any chaser. The sound of it was a strange song, as if howling yearned for a melody. The trees join in the unfolding scene, as if the change, though abrupt and startling, was as welcome as a surprise knock on the door.

The downpour was so heavy that to be caught unaware meant being drenched to the skin. Each drop was as large as a cartoon tear and they fell like gravity had been turned up. I picked up my pace, holding futile hands skyward to fend off the worst, as the world was mould into more drab beats.

The rain covers everything around like a curtain of silvery mist. I kept on walking, occasionally looking backwards to check the path. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard the sound, like a temple bell. I turned to the sound, only to see a vendor standing by the sidewalk under the lamplight. The rain carried the sweet aroma of the flowers, all in abundance in the display, quenched by the rain. Not something you would see that much in the city though, specially when a typhoon is passing by.

“What are you doing in this rain, young boy?” The person asked. His voice had a mystery to it, gritty yet serene.

“I’m just out for a walk.”

“A walk, in this rain? Doesn’t seem so to me.” He laughed, which also carried a sense of mystery.

“What about you? Is this any time to be selling flowers?”

“Why don’t you have one?” He said, pulling out a stock of wisteria from a bunch. “The flowers here aren’t just any flower.”

He handed the flower to me. I accepted it none-the-less, “What do you mean, are they special?”

“They have the power to fulfil any one of your wishes, young boy.” As he said that, the first thing that came to my mind was about Akie-san. “Do you really mean it can fulfil any wish?”

His glare was terrifying, was the only way I could express them. The light of his eyes were like the canvas of his irises, and the stage for an infinite soulful emotions. “Yeah, I can assure that.”

There was not a single part of me that doubted his words. Everything felt unreal, enchanting, yet that alone I couldn’t put a finger at.

Flashes of white in the grey, tumbling as they struggle against the clouds. Beneath them the sea rises as great mountains, anger in the form of water, turbulent and unforgiving. Yet neglecting all of it, he was just standing there still, unbeknown to the anything around him. For all the uproar the sea was making, Akie-san noticed me walking towards him, turning around at me as I took my last step.

“And here I was thinking you won’t come today.” He sighed, as he looked at the stock of wisteria in my hand, “Where did you pick that up from?”

“Akie-san, do you still have any wish you want fulfil?” I asked.

“Any wish, did you come all this way just to ask that.” He grinned.

“Just answer.”

“Yeah, I have. What other reason do you think there is, for which I had been waiting for so long?”

“Then, take this.” I gave him the flower stock. He stood there confused with the flower in hand. “The promised flower?” He murmured.

Saying that, he started walking across the beach. He stopped right by the sidewalk, at the end of the beach. “Akie-san, aren’t you not able to leave the beach? What are you doing?”

“You’re wrong. It’s just, I’m no supposed to leave the beach.”

“What do you mean?”

Akie-san didn’t wait for my reply. It was just another step, and everything went silent, the roars of the thunder, gush of the waves, everything was but a whisper. Small globes of light danced in the night as if choreographed by every joyous memory and dream. As If the stars had transcended to that pure and heavenly black, to come as lights into earthly poetry.

I walked up to him, as he turned back towards me. Little transparent patterns started sprouting from his feet, slowly making their way upwards. They weren’t just any pattern, Akie-san was fading away.

“Akie-san, you’re…”

“Well, I wasn’t supposed to leave this place after all.” He chuckled, “Thanks for everything you’ve done, Iori-kun. From here, you can follow me if you want, or you can go, as you please.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” I whined, “Let me see this through.”

“As you wish.”

It was a long walk, the entirety of which we both remained silent. As the walkway glisters with the headlights of the cars and buses, I wonder were we are heading. After waiting about hundreds of footfalls, he stopped infront of a two-storied house.

“Is this where you used to live before?”

He didn’t give a reply. Though it’s more like he didn’t have a reason to do so, as he went in through the gates, hinting me to only follow. He stood infront of the door, a name hanging there, ‘Watanabe Residence.’

“I guess you should wait outside, Iori-kun. They’ll be able to see you.”

“Oh, you’re right.” I stepped back, and went outside the gates. Leaning back on the concrete wall, I bring my gaze at the road beneath, large puddles fashioning the black pitch. Akie-san pressed the doorbell. After a moment I heard the front door opening, and two voices, a woman and a girl, conversing among themselves. I peeked through the rusted bars of the gate inside.

By the door was a woven mat, fashioned from colorful strings, enriched with the rain and mud. A testimony to the life that dwells in the house. The door mat as quite old, and it could’ve been replaced years ago, its edges frayed and curled, but it was still there. The floors were polished, the curtains anew and the walls painted. For a few moments, Akie-san stood there motionless, as if all of it were treasured mind-photographs.

“Sweetheart, is that you?” Akie-san said, though his words were left to just resonate among the raindrops. “It’s me, dad!”

“Who was here?” The woman said, as she carefully observed her surrounding.

“Yuzuru, it’s me, Akie. I’m back!”

I wonder, how Akie-san is feeling right now. Being back home after who knows how long, yet now they seem so strangely distant. I guess he knew from the beginning that he needed a miracle for them to be able to see him. I could hear him sobbing, as his muscles got tensed, “Yuki-chan, I might be a bit late, actually no, I’m very late. I’m sorry for that, sweatheart. Happy birthday.”

“I don’t see anyone.” The girl said, as her gaze fell to the ground, “Isn’t that wisteria? What is it doing here?”

Akie-san stepped forward, gently brushing her fingers over her hair, “Sweat heart, you’ve grown up a lot. Forgive your old man for being so late.”

Suddenly, the girl froze in her place, as she grabbed her chest with both her arms. Reality is always cruel to us, that’s what I always thought. But I guess Akie-san was right. Little miracles do happen in this shitty reality we live in. That’s why we all are here alive.

“Dad?”

Akie-san just stood there, as the doors closed and their footfalls faded on the other side. “Good bye, sweetheart.” He took a deep breath, and walked outside.

“Iori-kun, what year is it now?”

“2019. What’s the matter?”

“So I had been waiting for 10 years, huh?” He said, “Thank you again, Iori-kun. Because of you I was able to finally fulfil my wish.”

“It’s my pleasure, Akie-san.” By now the patterns were all over his body, as if a bubble was engulfing his body bit by bit. “But, what about you? Are you…”

“Iori-kun, I don’t know the reason for you to be out in such a storm, or why you had the flower in your hand. I think the universe had led you to me tonight. You might’ve been looking for someone, something, other than me. Yet, as things became quickly apparent, it was destiny and fate taking control of chance, to give us a chance, one more chance to take that leap.”

“I’m just glad that you were able to fulfil your wish.” I murmured bringing my gaze down, clenching my fists, “But…”

“Do you still have anything to ask?”

“Will I be able to see you ever again?” I couldn’t tell if I was crying or not, as the rain was washing my tears away.

Akie-san placed his hand over my shoulder, as I brought my gaze back up, “My story will end here, Iori-kun. As ironic as it could’ve been, this stormy night will be the last scene of my monogatari. But you still have a long way to go, kid. And I pray that you’ll see a clear blue sky in the end of your journey.”