A Promise Through the Hedge

I closed the door to my apartment and took off my shoes. It was dominantly dark with minimal light from the curtained windows, the eerie silence signifying the absence of people inside – I was familiar with this atmosphere. My mom must've taken extra shifts again, and my sister was probably doing student council president work.

The apartment was a below-average place, but I was lucky to have a room at the end of the hallway. I dropped my schoolbag and face-planted into my futon on the floor. My face buried in my small pillow and my hands gripped my hair.

*What is wrong with you?!* shouted Swani. *I can't believe that's how the conversation with the girl ended today!*

I thought in reply, I know, I know! I-I shouldn't have taken any action, but she was like me... I could see it. Her promise throws a wrench in the works... Her promise...

➼ ➼ ➼

"Then... How about we make a deal!"

When she said that, I was beyond confused and stayed silent.

"Eek!" she panicked. "Did you think I meant, like, a drug deal? Should I have said 'promise' instead"

"I didn't think that," I said, "I-I was thinkin' bout somethin' else again."

"Hmm? Is it something you can tell me?"

"I guess, since it was about why I found you interestin'."
I made sure my tone remained monotonous to show her that I didn't mean anything deep and she wouldn't blow it out of the waters with an overreaction.

However, disrupting the balance I tried to set was natural for her, and her reaction was as expected.

"Eeh?! You're planning to confess to me already? I don't know if I'm ready––"

I didn't even wait for her to finish and said, "Not like that."
I knew she was genuinely curious, so she remained silent as I continued.
"Both our reasons for comin' to the garden shared a common interest: We didn't want a friend. I'd prefer to not have anyone here – even strangers – but despite not gettin' that, I welcomed it."

The hedge rustled on her side again.
"Personally, I don't think you really want that."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's just a hunch I made about someone I didn't know, so don't worry about it."
She glossed past my question and returned to the topic I made.
"You're right about us having a common interest. Talking to you instead of the flowers has evidently helped me more and, with what you said, it seems like you don't mind what I tell you because you'd do nothing about it."

I agreed with her. The back of my mind was working out what kind of promise she had ready.

"So how about this: You can continue to use the garden every day like normal, but whenever I feel stressed or overworked, I can visit this place and express my problems to you? Don't worry, you won't do anything to help and just listen, like today – well, you don't really have to listen either. This means you can still do whatever you normally do when I'm not here, and nothing more. This interaction shouldn't have any effect on our normal, individual lives! Promise?"

➼ ➼ ➼

I turned over in my futon to face the water-stained, gray ceiling. My eyes squeezed shut as I rubbed my face with my hands.

*You agreed to that! Should I remind you how "doing what you normally did and nothing more" ended like last time?*

"No!" I shouted.
I quickly sat myself up and felt my hair slap around my face. My eyes shot open to face the small window on the other side of my room. My vision was still grainy; gradually returning to normal.
"This is with a singular person who I didn't fully know, it's different."

*Why are you arguing back at all? One person or four, it doesn't matter. We're scared, remember?*

"I want to keep the garden as my sanctuary. S-Since she won't show up every day, it'll be easy to make sure we don't establish anything more than what we have now: Nothin'. If I simply hear, or ignore, what she says, then without a face to connect it to, it's all useless. Plus, I didn't introduce myself to her either, and she knows nothin' about me besides the fact I don't want friends."

*Huh? You're either lying or forgetting about that last point. Do you remember what you did tell her about yourself?*

I sunk my head and stared at my hands on my lap.
Y-Yeah, I remember... I messed up.

➼ ➼ ➼

I told the girl, "The only time I come here is durin' lunch instead of after school."

"Awh that's a bummer," she said, disappointedly. "Well, I can come talk to you during lunch, then to the flowers after school in case something happens in the classes after lunch. I won't drag you out like this again."

I'm probably fallin' into a trap, aren't I? I asked myself. Oh well.
"P-Perhaps, stayin' after school wouldn't be so bad. There's never anyone at the apartment until late in the evenin' anyways. It's a different kind of lonely when I'm there."

I heard her gasp and the sound of her shoes brushing the grass as she apparently stood up. The upswing of her voice followed her movement.
"You'd do that?!"

I replied, "It's not much of a big deal. I didn't do anythin' during lunch that was specific to lunch only. I just worked on school papers along with Karuta––"

*Stop!*

I slapped my mouth with both my hands as my eyes widened. Without moving my head, my eyes darted to my left and my ears perked up. I heard a faint "Hmm?" from the girl as she sat back down. She continued without question.

"When I spoke to the flowers, I also made up a song about them. I incorporated the flower meanings from my calendar book into the song. Out of all of them, the butterfly weed was the one that stuck with me the most."

"Is songwritin' somethin' else you're a prodigy at?"

"Fufu, definitely not. I don't like the song I made up, but I'm constantly trying to improve on it. You probably wouldn't understand since you haven't written anything on your own, huh?"

"You'd be surprised," I replied.
I had fallen into another trap.

A triumphant, yet troublesome giggle came from the girl.
"So you do write! It's something to do with Karuta, right? Are you a poet?"

"U-Uh, no––"

"You are, aren't you?!"
She gasped again, a lot louder in volume this time.
"I'm going to call you 'Poet-kun' from now on! Is that okay? I'm going to say it's okay!"

I could only respond with a disappointed sigh and a soft slap to the cheek issued by Swani. There was no point in trying to rebuke her naming choice for me, since it was my mistake to begin with.
Standing up, I said, "It's gettin' late, I should head to my apartment now."

Showing no concern for my approval of this "promise" she offered, she told me, "I'm looking forward to our next encounter."

"I hope you don't feel too stressed out...because that would mean you won't come talk to me anytime soon."

"Hmph," she pouted. "Well if you're going to leave, then I should thank you for today!"
Her voice became bubbly.

"Don't thank me for doin' nothin'."

"You were doin' something, so you'll accept my thanks, Poet-kun."

"Maybe if we meet face-to-face."

➼ ➼ ➼

I turned to my deteriorating wooden desk and saw a box on the edge of it. Forest green all around with golden autumn text displaying "Karuta" in English lettering. I had purchased it after my departure from my friends. No one used to know I liked Karuta.

I pondered, What's that girl really tryin' to do? I can't figure it out.

Swani said, *Don't think about it.*

There was one thing I did figure out: I was wrong. Her true self was indeed happy and chipper, so it wasn't like she wore a mask of smiles to hide her anxiety from others. It was more like her pain was separately kept inside a locked box hidden behind her back. There was only one place where she could open the box and release her stress – though it didn't fully help – and that was anywhere with flowers.

She was on a boat flowing down a river of life's currents. She jumped from the front with her box in hand, unlocked it underwater, then rose back to the surface in time to mount the boat again without being noticed by others. That was her life.

I said aloud, "It's only a coincidence that she opened her box where I was stuck under the river's surface."

*Continue like this, and one day she'll take you back up with her.*

I made a promise to hear the struggles of a girl who did whatever it took to make the people around her smile, and do nothing about it. This girl had a name. She had a love for flowers. She had a flower calendar book.

She also had an appearance, but I didn't know it. She was in one of the first-year classes, but I didn't know which. She had many things I didn't know, and for the benefit of us both, I shouldn't know.

I shouldn't know.

I shouldn't.

Should I?