Record no.3

It's been a while since I had such a lively night. Maybe it was because of today's stimuli overload. As I laid down in my bed thinking that I should change my sheets soon (I don't really remember the last time but they don't stink so it's fine I guess) I saw a new resident in my room, a spider. It was chilling on a wall by the bed, close to my face so I could examine it easily. It was Menemerus brachygnathus, adorable one, until it spoke. It had a voice very familiar for me, child-like voice of a friend I once had (probably my first and last one). I don't remember it too well but he disappeared at some point. His voice stayed with me. Or inside me. Dreams don't have to make sense. For me reality tends to feel more like a dream so it doesn't have to be rational too. Perception is limited.
Anyway, the spider began to recite Ecclesiastes which made me shrink inside. Everything is meaningless and futile, huh? Yes, I agree. Nothing new can be discovered? Indeed. I'm pretty sure he wanted to cheer me up though. Maybe living without deeper desires is the right way, this meaningless existence may be as well pleasant. But it would make me dull.. maybe the longing for the feeling of individuality and feeling special overall is just a part of accepting boring reality. 
A mosquito buzzed just by my ear, I think there's nothing that could trigger me more. I felt enraged, however his buzz turned into the sound of musical arrangement of „O fortuna” by Carmina Burana. I think attending private catholic middle school doesn't do me any good, being forced to memorise half of the Holy Bible haunts me sometiemes. I'm not even religious. Even though I sometimes find it relatable. Maybe I am a prophet, they seemed to be hallucinating too. My thoughts were interrupted by sudden silence. The spider ate the mosquito. I felt ineffable love for this little guy.
I heard sound of footsteps and front door creaking through my open window. Mother is back. I closed my eyes and listened. She was coming upstairs then stopped in front of my door and opened it very slowly. She must've been sure I was asleep, otherwise she wouldn't risk an a direct confrontation. She stared at me for a while through a crack in the door then left. I can always sense her piercing stare, even with my eyes closed. 

We are basically like strangers, I am pretty sure she sees me as an object she is cultivating as a part of some experiment. I suspect she keeps a record of my behaviours and development (maybe this desire runs in our blood?) she probably influnences in the way she planned. I understand her, I think we are similar. Well, I am literally half her. Who is the other half? I have no idea, I doubt she ever loved anyone, I prefer to not know actually, it's better this way.

Mother is some kind of scientist, pharmacologist. When I was a kid I once saw her putting some powder in the big water container at home we(?) drink from. I thought it was powdered sugar back then (childish perception). I wonder if she was testing some substances on me. Ha. I don't think she knows about my 'symptoms', I will never inform her about those. She could either react as a normal person and provide me a treatment or gain data for her research. Neither of those options seem desirable for me. To be honest I like living in my own world, I'm at least sure it won't really hurt me. Unlike...
„...”
                                                                              ***
A sound of a rock hitting my window woke me up. What the check? I didn't feel like getting up, it was Saturday. Who could it be..? I cautiously looked through a small hole in my curtain. Oh shit. It's her, she said "see you soon" last time, but this soon..? Does she want to mug me... Gasp, I shouldn't care about material goods, I can't even follow my own mindset.
Whatever, I opened the window.
- Look who woke up, come here you Sleeping Beauty! - she yelled at me (of course she was grinning like stupid).
The old lady who lives on the opposite side of the road was standing next to her for some reason laughed and said something like "Oh, I'm glad to see you have some friends, I was worried because you usually seem very gloomy. Where did you find such a charming lady? I didn't know you had it in you, hohoho"
What the check did that girl told her there. How does she know where I live and even which window is mine? That's creeping me out.
Oh, shoot, I wanted to do the same to her..
I heard mocking laughter around me. Oh, shut up. I put on some random trousers and came downstairs. I put on the chain lock and opened the door.
-What do you want now? - I asked through the narrow hole.
-Oh my, just how cautious you are. You seemed more cocky before. - she winked. 
- ...
-Don't be so stiff, let's hang out, I'm sure you aren't busy. - She put her arm on the door frame and leaned towards me. - Maybe you don't leave your room too much but you must know the area better than me, I need your help. 
Next she spoke softly and smiled:
-Come on, you really think you have anything to lose? I've chosen you, so follow me now.
At that moment I realised how truly charming and magnetising was her smile. I couldn't trust her, no but... indeed what do I have to lose?
-Ok, just let me put on some decent clothes -  I said. - Where are we going?
-You will see. - she smirked.