Simplicity

Before I could get myself out of my bed I had to wait for the traditional tears on my face to dry so that I could get ready to craft the next art piece on my face. I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m still anxious about being in a new school. However, this ‘Secret’ that I feel like I need to keep, doesn't make my angst any more calm. What’s more frustrating is that I had a good day yesterday, and now I can’t seem to keep that joyous feeling.

At the dinner table for breakfast, I avoided as much eye contact as possible with my parents, and even took a different approach with my makeup to seem less dreary. I think it worked because they didn’t seem to pick up my actual emotional state.

The three of us then exchanged loving words and support for the day. As I walked to school, I started to get really bothered by my actions this morning. It is really starting to get to me how I still haven't told my parents about my situation. I can’t explain why, I just feel like I can’t tell them because they won’t understand, or something.

“Ahh, rrr--” I accidentally released a groan of annoyance about my behavior.

I’m only in my third day of school and there is already too much for my teenage mind to handle. The realization of my own identity and how little attention I gave it has become incredibly frustrating. All of these realizations about my life’s identity are just snowballing out of control with every passing day!

How am I supposed to live an authentic life when I start to question my very existence! Oh my gosh! I just can’t believe how little awareness I have over my identity! I never really gave it any thought until now, yet at my old school, none of the kids ever brought up whether or not I was a boy, and my parents never raised me as a boy or girl. Really thinking back, no one has… I guess I just assumed that everyone knew that I was a boy, in reality, everyone was just guessing I was a girl, maybe?

Pondering the idea as a whole is starting to make my head hurt. I just need to relax. My Mom showed me some breathing exercises that I really need to start using. Okay… Class is about to start and I need to bury my worries, at least until I get home. I’m normally a very good student, that’s something that I should be focusing on!

◑ ◒ ◓ ◐

The distraction of school work, along with the breathing exercises has really calmed my nerves. Mom even packed me a very nice lunch that pretty much forced a smile on my face. Filled with cutely crafted bits of food and one of my favorite drinks. The delightful fizz and the perfect balanced flavors of Melon Soda! My mood feels really to be turning abound. More students complimented my makeup, even though I thought it was a little more intense than what I normally do. I also remembered that I’ll get to see more clubs today. I bet if I continue this trend upward, I’ll be able to find the answers I need!

“Hey, Hiromi-Chan! Are you ready to get the rest of your tour!” Hinata popped up with excitement.

“Yup! I’m ready!” I replied with anticipation.

“Then away we go!” Aoi then popped out of nowhere to make the declaration.

Aoi-San and Hinata-San provided a perfect tour, as expected. Showing the fun and intrigue of each club in a precise manner was great. Seeing this level of joy and friendliness really shouldn't be undermined. I’m starting to understand that everyone’s happiness is also important, not just my own. If keeping one White Lie or secret will continue to shine everyone happiness, then so be it… Well, that’s just a working theory anyway. After all, it's not like I’ll figure out every single aspect of my life in just a few days.

The remainder of clubs were either outside or in the other school building of the school. Most of the sports were outside then clubs like band and choir had their own rooms. None of which really interested me but I still found them enjoyable to watch. I’m a fan of baseball, somewhat influenced by my parents, so I hope to watch our team play a game in the future. Overall, watching all of the students enjoy themselves with a unique after school activity or a traditional one, really reinforced the idea to enjoy the little things in life. Simplicity is a goal I should strive for during my high school years. No need to make things complicated.

“Hey, what are they doing over there?” A couple of students caught my attention, I spotted them dancing outside near one of the school’s buildings.

“Oh, they are probably making a dancing video.” Aoi promptly answered.

“Are they part of the dance club? Bit of a strange place to have it.” I questioned.

“Ha, I doubt they’re part of the dance club, they’re probably making a TikTok.” Hinata remarked.

“Um, what’s that? Is that like an app or something?” My questions continued.

“Oh, you probably don’t know a whole lot of normal stuff, huh?” Hinata remarked with surprise.

“Well, I guess, kinda…” I looked downward with a slight feeling of embarrassment that I didn’t know of normal apps.

“Ugh! Hinata you don’t need to sound so rude!” Aoi was quick to criticize Hinata.

Hinata then made a goofy face in response to his unintentional behavior.

“Yes, Hiromi-Chan, it's a pretty popular app that people make videos on.” Aoi replied.

“Oh, I wonder if my parents will let me download it? It sounds like fun.” I wondered, as I looked at my phone.

“Sorry, but, You have to ask?” Aoi ask with curiosity.

“Who's the rude one now?” Hinata remarked with a grin.

“Shut it!” Aoi barked back.

“It’s alright, heh, my Mom and my Makoto will sometimes go through my phone to make sure I don't have any dangerous apps.” I explained with a chuckle.

“Well, they aren’t wrong.” Aoi added.

“Ha, right! I get viruses on mine like every month!” Hinata laughed.

“Anyway, that’s all the clubs! For most of them, you can join at any time, so just let me know if you are interested in any!” Aoi started with a friendly smile.

“Okay! Thanks!” I smiled.

“Sweet! I’ll see you two tomorrow!” Hinata shouted as he ran off, likely to his club.

“Yeah, I gotta get going too. See ya!” Aoi walked away with a charming wave.

◑ ◒ ◓ ◐

Walking back to my shoe locker I couldn’t help but smile the whole way. Just from the simple fact that I had another lovely day at this lively school. Even though they've been starting with some kind of worries, they quickly fade from being around such positive people. That alone strengthens my own positive attitude. I also can’t help think about Yoshioka-Sensei, and feel a little bad for him since he's like the only one that doesn't seem to have any energy. I hope I don’t end up like him. Nevertheless, I’m sure there is some reason. Everyone has a reason why they act the way they do. Just take me for example, I like to cry a lot and there’s a kinda good reason for it. So, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for everyone's behavior.

Huh… What’s this?

To my surprise and confusion. Once I opened my locker, not one but two envelopes fell out. And… And… And what sealed them both was a h-h-heart sticker. Oh, no… This can’t be happening already? It just had to be two as well!!!