A Breath of Fresh Air

Ethan Reed was a man of meticulous planning, his life a symphony of precision. Yet, he embraced the unpredictable today, stepping outside his comfort zone. He woke up in the arms of Jack Van Derloch, the man who had become his life's cornerstone. His feelings for Jack had grown to surpass even his self-regard.

They had drifted off together on the couch, their memories of the night before blurred by alcohol. Ethan knew he had acted out of character, but so had Jack. He had seen a new side of Jack, a relaxed, genuine, refreshing version compared to his usual guarded demeanor. It was unusual, but it felt right.

Waking up, Ethan felt sore and flustered, the sensation of Jack's bare chest beneath him stirring up a whirlwind of emotions. As his memories from the previous night trickled back, a warm, suffocating feeling gripped his chest.

Ethan Reed was in love. The realization brought a rush of happiness and anxiety. What if Jack didn't reciprocate his feelings? What if he had crossed a line? Would he revert to his old habits of obsession and jealousy? His worries were overwhelming, but the question of whether this was even appropriate, given Jack's role as his psychiatrist, loomed large.

A torrent of worries had accompanied his declaration of love. But the most shocking revelation was Jack's reciprocation. The tears flowed freely as the weight of his emotions hit him. Jack loved him back, but this only amplified his anxieties.

As he lay against Jack's bare chest, his mind raced. His eyes were dry from crying, but he could still feel the warmth and care radiating from Jack. Even after his confession, Jack hadn't pressured him for a response. His patience and understanding were unnerving, causing Ethan's thoughts to spiral.

The moment felt surreal. He could still feel the lingering warmth of Jack's lips on his skin, the gentle caress of his fingers. He buried his face deeper into Jack's chest, his cheeks and ears burning. A soft chuckle from Jack indicated he had noticed.

"Should we... get some fresh air?" Ethan suggested his voice barely above a whisper.

Jack took a moment before responding, his fingers idly playing with Ethan's hair. "If you want to. I'll go wherever you go," he replied, his voice low and seductive.

Ethan blushed even more, struggling to recover from the emotional impact of Jack's words. "That's not fair."

Jack merely chuckled softly, his gaze never leaving Ethan. Ethan met his gaze with a flustered glare, but when their eyes locked, all his frustration melted away, replaced by a sense of peace. He quickly averted his gaze, trying to gather his thoughts.

"I... This... Us..." he stammered, his mind a whirlwind of confusion. "Can we just go out? Fresh air. Brunch if I'm reading the time right."

Jack smiled, leaning in to kiss Ethan's forehead. "Stop worrying so much, Ethan. Relax. I'm fine with grabbing a bite, although I'm unfamiliar with this part of Arcadia."

The word 'worrying' struck a chord with Ethan. Jack's gaze seemed to penetrate him as if he could see straight through to his soul. It was comforting to know he couldn't hide his feelings, but also disconcerting. He couldn't glean anything from Jack or distinguish between his professional and genuine smile.

With a forced smile, Ethan stood up, his legs momentarily wobbly, and headed for the shower. His embarrassment was palpable.

After a quick shower and change of clothes, Jack emerged wearing his pants and one of Ethan's oversized t-shirts, a look that made him slightly uncomfortable, given his usual preference for formal attire. On the other hand, Ethan opted for a pair of pants and a hoodie, a casual outfit that would allow him to hide in the hood if necessary. Jack seemed slightly off, not as composed as usual, fidgeting with his clothes and attempting to conceal a hickey on his neck. This made Ethan feel better; at least he wasn't the only one grappling with the situation.

"Stop fidgeting, Jack. You look hot," Ethan teased, smirking at Jack's discomfort.

"H-hot? Oh, thank you," Jack stammered, his cheeks turning pink.

"There's a nice cafe nearby to grab coffee and food. I haven't been there myself, but one of my employees recommended it. Said it's peaceful and has a good vibe," Ethan suggested, ensuring he had his phone and keys.

Upon hearing this, Jack gathered his things and responded, "I... have never been to a cafe like that, so I'd love to."

"You... never? Really?" Ethan was taken aback, not realizing how sheltered Jack had been. "Guess I will be having your first, then."

"First? What... Ethan!"

With a smirk, Ethan led Jack to the car—a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. The two of them got into the sports car, an awkward silence hanging in the air as Ethan drove them to the cafe he had mentioned earlier. One of his subordinates had raved about the place, saying his girlfriend had loved it. It seemed like a good choice for their first outing in a long time.

They arrived at a quaint cafe nestled at the edge of a park. It was around noon, and the sun was high in the sky. A few people were milling about, and the cafe was about half full. The minimalist decor, bright light wooden furniture, and plants in every corner gave it a peaceful and vibrant atmosphere. Ethan could see why his subordinate had recommended it.

They found a spot near a large floor-to-ceiling window overlooking a pond in the park. An uncomfortable silence ensued as they waited for their food. Soon, their table was laden with a chai latte, salad for Ethan, croissants, and a cappuccino for Jack.

Ethan knew he needed to break the silence but struggled to find the words. The longer the silence stretched, the harder it became to speak, especially with Jack being patient and giving him space. His worries were still gnawing at him, and he had hoped the casual date would alleviate his anxiety, not exacerbate it. At least they were in public now, providing him an escape route if necessary.

They started eating, savoring their coffee and the cafe's ambiance. Ethan attacked his salad as if trying to eat away his stress, eliciting a worried look from Jack. This only added to his anxiety, creating a vicious cycle.

"Slow down, Ethan; it's not a race. You don't need to inhale your salad," Jack cautioned, his voice trembling slightly.

Ethan put down his fork, surveying the carnage that was his plate. His eating habits had swung from one extreme to the other: from barely eating to wolfing down his food. His hands trembled as he bit his lip. This date was supposed to be a pleasant diversion, a casual outing free from anxiety. Just a simple, joyful time with the man who meant more to him than anyone else, who had reciprocated his love.

"I..." he began, unsure of what to say next. "All I wanted was to have fun, relax, and enjoy this. This, between us. Yesterday, this morning. Everything. But I can't."

Jack opened his mouth to respond, his face a canvas of concern. The sight of his worry was like a knife to Ethan's heart, and his breathing became more rapid.

"Ethan, take a breath," Jack's calm voice instructed as he knelt beside him, taking his hand. "You're starting to hyperventilate. It looks like you're about to have a panic attack."

"Panic... attack?" Ethan echoed, his hoodie suddenly feeling too tight, his head light as he watched his fingers tremble in Jack's grasp.

"Focus on your breathing, Ethan. You're perfectly fine. Trust me; I'm a doctor," Jack said, attempting to lighten the mood with a soft chuckle.

Ethan felt like he was in the throes of a nightmare. His stomach churned as if the salad was seeking revenge. Why was he having a mental breakdown now? Why did this have to happen? Were the people in the cafe staring?

"Ethan Reed, listen to me. It's okay to have a bad day. A lot has happened. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. So take your time and breathe."

Hearing Jack's words brought a measure of calm. It took a moment for Ethan to catch his breath, trying to focus on Jack's comforting smile and gentle touch. Jack wasn't going to abandon him.

After a few minutes, Jack stood up, leaning over to whisper three simple words in Ethan's ear. "I love you."

Ethan nodded, his eyes fixed on his plate as Jack resumed his seat across the table. The silence returned, more awkward than before.

"I don't mind taking our time. I don't care about labels between us. Ethan, all I want is for you not to look so troubled. I want you to live. To enjoy these moments."

"Please... stop. Jack... stop worrying," Ethan replied, his voice shaky. "The more you worry and look at me like that, the more I feel like I'm drowning. I can't breathe, wondering how to stop you from worrying because my anxiety worries you the most. I can't."

"How can I not worry? Ethan Reed, the man I'm completely smitten with, who's taken over my entire life, looks like he's on the verge of tears. The more you cry, the more my heart breaks. Especially if you tell me that I cause your anxiety."

Ethan bit his lip, narrowly avoiding drawing blood, and took several deep breaths. He closed his eyes, calming himself, pushing away the heavy feelings for now.

"Let's talk about this later. Can we have one day without me being anxious and you looking like you're about to die from worry? I want this date to continue. I don't want my anxiety to ruin everything. That would only make me feel worse in the end."

"I'm here for you, Ethan. We can take this at your pace. If you want to continue, we will. If you want to go home, we can do that too. Just know that I'm here with you, no matter what. Let's take some breaks when you need to."

"Thank you. Now let's finish this meal. One bad moment doesn't ruin the entire day." With those words, Ethan steadied his hand and resumed eating his salad.

The customers and staff in the cafe had given them some space. Now that Ethan had calmed down, a waitress brought him a glass of water and a complimentary cheesecake, which he shared with Jack, who seemed utterly captivated by it.

"I'm sorry for how I've been, Jack. My mind and emotions are just a mess. Even though I know I don't have to apologize, I want to. It makes me feel better."

Jack nodded as he savored the last bite of his half of the cheesecake, which had disappeared in seconds. Ethan couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the usually composed man devouring the dessert as if performing a magic act. With a soft sigh, he pushed his half of the cheesecake towards Jack, signaling with a nod that he was free to finish it.

Once they had finished their meal and settled the bill, they stepped outside into the park. An hour and a half had passed, the sun was high in the sky, and the day was just beginning, even though it felt like they had already experienced a week's worth of emotions.

"Want to walk? The fresh air might be nice. And no, I'm not overly concerned about you right now. It just seems like a nice break," Jack suggested.

Ethan looked up at the cloudless blue sky, feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin and the cool breeze making the temperature more bearable.

"Sounds good. Just walking, no talking. No emotions, worries, or anxiety."

Jack nodded with a smile. "Just us. Together."

Ethan hesitated for a moment before correcting himself. “Okay, no. I do want to talk. I should be talking. Otherwise, we won’t get anywhere. Walk and talk. We both say everything we want to say. A safe space like in your office.”