A Cigarette

It was only a matter of time before everyone would have to leave for home. With the kids all tuckered out and the parents fed up with smelling griddled burger beef and bacon, we started to evacuate the McPremises to avoid burger asphyxiation.

“It was nice getting to know you. I’m sorry things got a little weird in the middle of that.” I spoke to Sofía outside the restaurant.

“Don’t worry about it, I had a lot of fun.”

Both our kids were already asleep in their car seats, and the sun was down to a point where the entire place was lit with a nice blue mood. Because of this feeling, this moment, just us outside together at the end of the day, it felt kind of sad. I wished for things to last just a little longer, but the bittersweet end of our time together was here and I wanted it to not hurt so much.

Pulling out a pack of cigarettes from my jacket and knocking one out, I felt it was necessary to ignore this pain in my heart. I’ve picked up bad habits since those rough days of the past, and because I’m such a coward, I escape the wanting feeling I had to ask her to stay in touch by sucking smoke.

“Pass me one.” Sofía held out a hand.

The last thing I expected of her was to be someone that smokes. I guess we’re all human and even she has flaws too. Maybe her nerd side could be seen as a flaw to some, but I think it’s cute.

“Are you okay with this kind?” I handed over a cigarette.

“I should be asking you that.”

“What makes you say that?”

“This type is popular with young women.”

“Says who?”

“The internet.”

“You believe everything the internet says?”

“All my girlfriends use the same type. So I got two sources.”

“Whatever, I can enjoy any cigarette I like.”

“I never said there was anything wrong with it. Now light me up girlfriend.” She spoke like a stereotypical gal amongst her friends.

When she came in close and presented the end of the cigarette from her mouth to me, I held up my lighter to it. Her eyes were closed, and the tiny flame of the lighter casted an orange flickering light her face. The long lashes, the way her lips puckered around the cigarette, and the relaxed aura. I was in awe, so much in fact, I forgot to pull away when the cigarette was lit.

Eventually, she opened her eyes to look up at me, and I was caught stuck in fascination with her for a second time that day. Even her eyes, which were masked by the goat contacts, didn’t change a thing.

We looked each other in the eyes for a brief moment before breaking away.

“Don’t you know when a cigarette is lit?” Sofía looked down at the ground.

“Sorry.” I too looked away, kicking an imaginary can and stuffing my hands into my pockets.

“Do you have to apologize for everything you do?”

“No, I just tend to make mistakes.”

“You and me both.” She blew a puff of smoke to the sky.

The idea that she too had a troubled past had me curious. With her having a child, I was considering whether she was in the same boat as me, or maybe floating in the same lake.

“Do I ask?”

Sofia paused, she wasn’t ready and I could tell from her face. I too wouldn’t want to talk about my past, not at this moment, and especially with someone you’ve only known for an afternoon. I kind of felt stupid for even bringing up the idea.

“Not now, at least, not like this. Maybe another day.”

“Got it.” I scratched the back of my neck.

The idea of there being another day had me excited. Was she planning on meeting me again? How would she do that? Are we gonna exchange phone numbers? I hope for that to be the case, but unfortunately, wishing for her to make the first move is exactly that, a wish.

Watching her from the side as she smoked, I couldn’t help but notice Sofía began to shiver, rubbing her arms to keep warm. Her cosplay wasn’t exactly cold weather friendly, and it had me bothered in more ways than just concern for her health. The best way to solve both our issues was for me to give her my jacket.

“Here.” I took my jacket off and brought it over her shoulders. “It’s cold isn’t it?”

Sometimes I didn’t understand myself. I didn’t have the guts to ask for a simple phone number, but I can lend my jacket with no hesitation.

“Oh, thanks.” Sofía pulled the jacket over her front to keep warm.

I knew she was a fairly small lady in terms of height, but after seeing my jacket on her the difference was jarring. I think it came in handy, as it made the cover up process easier. The only thing that couldn’t be saved was her legs, but she seemed cozy enough just with the jacket.

“Aren’t you also cold?” Sofía nudged me with her shoulder, coming in closer.

“I’m pretty resistant to cold weather.”

“Really?”

That wasn’t wrong, but if I were to be entirely truthful, just having her in my vicinity was warm enough, but maybe that’s too cheesy to admit, even to myself.

“Yea, I’m actually from up north, this is pretty normal.”

“A city boy?”

“Something like that. I didn’t live directly in the big city, but I did commute to university in one.

“Must’ve been tough.”

“Very.”

“When did you decide to move out here?”

“After my fourth year, Imani turned one around that time.”

“Do you regret it?”

That was a difficult question. There’s a lot of things I miss, the people I left behind and places I used to cherish were all buried away. But I’ve grown accustomed to how things are now. Imani has been building her own little beautiful story here, and I’d never want to regret that. Hopefully at some point I could do the same.

“No, not in the slightest.”

“I’m glad you like it out here, there isn’t a lot to do, but the charm is in the peace.”

“You’re right.” I admired the skyline, letting one last puff of smoke escape my breath.

The peaks of trees as their silhouette bordered the blue hour sky, the gentle breeze through my hair, the occasional car that cruised by. I could close my eyes and fall asleep standing.

With the flick of our cigarettes to the pavement, it signaled our time to leave. The frustrations were deep, but the calming of the mood and the smoking we shared made it bearable. Before we went our separate ways, I smashed and twisted at the cigarette with my shoe.

“I’ll be heading out now.” I waved somberly, walking away to my car.

“See ya.”

The drive home was quiet. Imani peacefully slept the whole way, and the roads weren’t busy at all. My throat felt dry and coarse from so much talking. Haven’t had something like that for a while.

Home sweet home came into view, our little humble abode. It’s grown on me. I might not have the internet, but cable tv is all we really need. Just a small home in the middle of a wooded area, perfectly secluded from the noise of people. There’s nothing more I could ask for.

Walking through the front door with Imani in my arms, I’m always surprised with how deep asleep a kid can get. Not even the loud whine of our front door as we entered or picking her up from her booster seat could faze her. Which made putting her to bed way easier.

It being the weekend, I wasn’t in a rush to prepare for tomorrow. My body was just aching for a good night's sleep. So when I started to undress, I tried to take off a phantom jacket.

“Shit.” I cursed at myself.

It seems I gave my jacket to someone I don’t even know how to contact. The jacket only had my cigarettes and a crumpled receipt, so I wasn’t too pressed on the issue. To be more exact, my worries were overrun by the thought of her casually wearing my jacket. It was way too big on her, but man did it make me toss and turn in bed.

Then my mind was filled with all the possibilities. What if she found it burdensome? If she had a partner, maybe they’d be suspicious if she came home with another man’s jacket. I’d hate to cause any misunderstandings, but then it tugged at my heart once again the idea she could have a partner.

Now I’m in a loop of overthinking, and it’s all because of her. I guess I won’t be sleeping well tonight.