Pun Detectives and the Case of the Kidnapped Kitten! (Part 13)

“Hey,” I said to Lily, trying to ignore the pangs of pain shooting through my side from my rough brush with concrete, “why don’t we go see if Sheldon’s home before we leave?”

It was a long shot, but it was better than leaving the stakeout empty handed, we decided. I had no idea what we would do if Sheldon actually came to the door, but I would figure that out when — if — it happened.

We walked up to his door, Lily’s stuff in tow, and I rapped a few knuckle beats on it. We waited, and just when it seemed like no one was coming and I was about to suggest that we leave, we heard the weighty mechanical relief of a lock relinquishing its hold, and a crack widened in the door. Slow and steady, not to mention creaky, it continued to widen until we were face to face with a bowl cut wearing two pairs of thick glasses that mumbled, “Yeah, yeah, who is it?”

So he was here after all.

He must have been inside all day. We hadn’t seen him come out of the house. At least not through the front door.

“Huh? Wallace Wade? And… the lunch girl? Again? Why are you two…”

Sheldon trailed off.

All three of us — Sheldon and Lily and me — were stunned for a second. Then Sheldon’s eyes widened. His biological ones, that is. His two pairs of glasses stayed the same.

An awkward silence ensued.

First, Sheldon broke it: “Oh no! They’re on to me! Run!”

And then, a crash splintered it: he’d slammed the door shut.

That was what I’d thought at first, but a moment later, I realized what had actually happened.

Wedged in between the old door and its frame was a hand.

My hand.

A searing pain set in, and I cried out. I could feel my entire hand — bones, muscles, all of it — crying out along with me.

But there was no time to worry about that. Our prime suspect was displaying some decidedly dubious behavior, and was furthermore on the run. Grounds enough to corner him, I figured. And if we moved fast, we still could. Which meant no time to worry about a soon-to-be-swollen hand, no matter how much pain it was in.

“Lily! Let’s go after him!”

“But your hand, Boss!”

“Never mind that for now.”

Slowly, Lily nodded. We both realized there was no time to worry about me now, or about entering uninvited. I peeled the door carefully from where it was painfully pressing down on the back of my hand, and we ran inside after Sheldon.

#

The house was big and empty, silent, still, like it was just a picture of a house, a facsimile frozen in the monochrome of an old photo. It was one of those houses that was pristine, spotless, with no trace of life. Like nobody lived there at all. Keeping with the general vibe, nobody seemed to be home. Nobody besides Sheldon, that is. Which isn’t to say he was making his presence particularly apparent. In fact, irritatingly enough, he was nowhere to be found. Man, this guy was annoying even when he wasn’t around.

We stole slowly, carefully through a big, open living room, a kitchen floored with a creaky wooden boards, a den area with big mirrors on its walls, and then up plush stairs to the second floor. Little of the sunshine outside was finding its way in. The whole house was colored a gloomy gray. My hand was on fire, but I tried my best to ignore it.

Finally, we found him. He was standing stock still, not making a sound, like a deer in headlights, in the upper-floor bathroom, and he was flush with anxiety.

Err… sorry. Flushing with anxiety. That was how we found him. He flushed the toilet.

“Come on, Sheldon.” I sunk my head into a disappointed — and still throbbing — hand. “I know we’re the cats and you’re the mouse here and everything, but don’t just go flush the toilet like that. You just gave up your entire position, man.”

“E-easy for you to say,” Sheldon shot back hostilely. “You try holding it in while trying so hard to hide that you’re not even breathing. See how far you get.”

“Uh… yeah. Good point. But you could’ve waited to flush. Or could you not handle the smell? Do you take vitamins by any chance?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I usually tak— Hey, wait, hang on. Don’t we have more important matters to discuss!? Like why you two showed up at my house out of nowhere and barged right in like you own the place?”

Lily curtsied. “Our apologies, Mr. Six-Eyed. Given the circumstances, Boss and I came to the conclusion that our only recourse to continue our line of investigation was to enter uninvited.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Sorry, Sheldon.” I didn’t like the guy, but busting into someone else’s place when they clearly didn’t want you there was still wrong.

Sheldon didn’t say anything in return, just shot us sharp, pensive glares from behind his extra pairs of eyes.

“You’re right though,” I said. “We do have more important matters to discuss. Like a certain cat. Name of Teabone? I’m guessing you’ve heard of her.”

Sheldon winced. Lily and I shared a glance of understanding. The fact that Sheldon ran and hid when he saw us was suspicious, but this may as well have been a confession.

“Well.” Sheldon sighed, adjusting his glasses back into place on his nose. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Follow me.” He wasn’t even trying to hide it. All the better. He always was a terrible liar.

He led us out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into a room. As we filed in, he flicked on the light. A quick sweep and I realized we were in Sheldon’s bedroom. Instantly, my eyes landed on a single spot on the spotless floor. There, in the middle of the room, was a silky, bright-eyed calico kitten, rolling about and stretching long without a care in the world.

Teabone.

We had found her.

The end of Pun Detectives and the Case of the Kidnapped Kitten! (Part 13)!
To be continued in Part 14!