Chapter 3:

The Jester's Explosive Crepe factory

Escape Witch

March 13th, 2023, 7:00 A.M.:

“Wait, I really get one more day off?” Yuni asked.

“Yes, Superintendent Kurobane found out about my little scheme and decided to give you one more free day. Though you won’t get any more days off even if you somehow wind up in a case today,” Mutsumi clarified.

Yuni hung up and decided to grab something to eat. As she was walking Madoka showed up riding on the back of a motorcycle.

“Hey Yuni! Where you heading?” Madoka asked.

“Madoka!? Oh, just to eat something. Wait why are you riding on the back of a motorcycle!? Who's the girl driving it!?" Yuni asked.

“Ah, you haven’t met. She’s one of the few friends I have, besides you, as well as my editor and assistant, Rolly Polly. She’s shy and doesn’t like to take off her helmet, but her computer skills are legit. Oh, and she’s also a motorcycle enthusiast."

The woman on the bike waved. She wore a crimson helmet that covered her entire face, crimson sneakers, a black leather jacket, black bra top, and black skintight pants. She also had massive breasts which looked to be the same size as Madoka’s.

“So where are you two heading?” asked Yuni.

“A new crepe factory just opened and we’re going to check it out. Wanna come?” Madoka asked as she pulled a flyer out of her breasts.

“Sure, though I don’t think there’s room for me.”

“Don’t worry, the flyer I got says it’s not too far from here. I’ll have Rolly go ahead while we walk together.”

Madoka took off her helmet and handed it to Rolly as she began walking with Yuni. Rolly sped ahead while the two girls chatted and walked at a slow pace. 


A few minutes later, Yuni and Madoka reached the site of the crepe factory. It was an abandoned warehouse.

“Like hell this is a crepe factory! It’s just an abandoned warehouse by the waterfront!” Yuni fumed.

“But look! That’s Rolly’s Yamaha YZF-R1 over there. Oh no! Don’t tell me she got kidnapped instead of me!” Madoka shuddered.

“BUWAHAHAHAHA! You have come! Madoka Gindini!” a loud voice rang out.

The girls looked up to see a crazy old man perched atop the building surrounded by masked ninjas. With his bright green hakama, red pointy shoes, and face paint, he certainly looked like an eccentric fellow.  Not to mention, his hair and beard were purple, and he was sporting a  samurai topknot.

“Oh no, its HIM,” Madoka groaned.

“HIM!? Who the hell is this freak!?” screamed Yuni.

“He’s some crazy geezer that likes to kidnap me. Ever since I escaped from one of his death traps when I was 12, he’s been obsessively trying to kidnap me in order to defeat  and kill me.”

“Wait he’s trying to KILL you!? Is he with Illumous?”

“If he is, they clearly don’t want to claim ownership of him."

“OI! DON’T IGNORE ME! They call me Jester! The greatest criminal in the world! Oi! Play my theme song!” the man shouted.

Two ninjas pulled out a shamisen and an electric guitar respectively, as Jester began singing.

“Yo Yoi! I am the greatest criminal from the depths of Edo. The great daimyo of organized crime. Everyone fears my name! For every atrocity, I have attained! Murder! Kidnapping! Drug Smuggling! None can match my Might! Theft! Assault! War Crimes! All now fear my wrath! With my evil ninjitsu I will conquer all that’s good. They say Jesters are the fools, WELL WHO'S LAUGHING NOW DUMBASS! Lalalalalala! Jester-sama is the evil, dastardly, wicked, inhumane, dark ninjutsu daimyo! Oh oh oh oh! Yooooooo!”

“If any of you want the TV size or full version, just give obscene amounts of money to my Spudify, Etunes, and Orange music accounts! And don’t you dare pirate, or I’ll copyright strike you to hell assholes! Thanks for giving me all your money dumbass fools!” Jester snickered.

Yuni and Madoka cringed in disgust as Jester and his ninjas leapt down and surrounded them.

“Madoka! We meet again, this time you will not escape death! Oh, and who is that high school gyaru?” Jester asked.

“I’m a cop and your under-arrest dumbass!” Yuni growled as she whipped out her badge.

“OHHH! Detective Gyaru! You are about to enter a world of hurt. Bring out the barrels! And the prisoner!”

Two ninjas came out rolling barrels while another carried a barrel with a woman’s head sticking out of it. The woman trapped was a beautiful girl with dark gold eyes and crimson hair, some of which partially obscured her left eye. Her mouth had been gagged with a piece of cloth and she cried in fear.

“Emeri!” Madoka shouted.

“Who!?”  Yuni gasped.

“Oh, she’s Rolly Polly. She likes to hide her identity due to her shyness and hacking career. She’s also technically my cousin,” Madoka explained.

The ninjas then overpowered Madoka and Yuni and bound them with chains and locks before placing them in the barrel. Once they were locked in the barrels, they were gagged and carried into the warehouse. The ninjas then placed the three girls in the middle of a sea of explosives before attaching explosive devices to each of their barrels.

“Now allow me to explain! As soon as I’m done explaining, a timer will begin counting down from 3 minutes. Once time is up, KABOOM! YOU ALL DIE BUWAHAHAHAHA! And if you move around A LOT, KABOOM! This time I have trapped you in barrels, though I’ve allowed you the privilege to poke your head out.  You will get to gaze at my super evil backside as I strut outside to watch the explosion. I’ll be eating crepes and chugging a smoothie while you get blasted to bits. Let’s see you escape this time Madoka! BUWAHAHAHA!” Jester laughed as he strutted outside.

As soon as Jester was outside, he pressed a giant red button on a remote control that started the timer as his ninjas closed the door. Yuni was now terrified.

“WHY are there so many explosives! How did this chunibyo psychopath move this many explosives without anyone noticing!? He’s definitely with Illumous, but how are we going to escape?” Yuni thought.

“Oh, if you’re wondering how we escape, just leave everything to me,” said Madoka as she opened Yuni’s barrel and undid her restraints in an instant.

“MMPH!? (Huh!?)”

Yuni ripped off her gag and noticed that Emeri was free as well. Madoka then motioned for the two of them to follow her.


Outside the warehouse, Jester was internally monologuing.

“Buwahaha, those fools think I’m lounging IN FRONT of the warehouse, but I’m actually positioned by the SIDE window of the warehouse. I imagine IF Madoka somehow frees herself, she’ll leap out through the side. That is where I’ll catch her and kill her! And get 100,000 euros as a bonus from Oni-chan! Even in the 1% chance she decides to exit the front, I had my one strongest soldier guard it. There’s no way she will get out. I WIN!”


Emeri and Yuni walked out the front door and came face to face with a giant ninja holding a gun.

“You two! Where is Madoka Ginkawa!? Don’t tell me she’s sacrificing her-DOHHHH!?”

Madoka had sprinted out at lightning speed, slid to the ground, and kicked the giant ninja in the nuts sanding him flying towards the entrance. Yuni and Emeri dove out of the way as he crashed through the door.

“Bu- But I was wearing a cup- “the giant ninja moaned as he lost consciousness. Yuni then ran for Emeri’s motorcycle, but both Emeri and Madoka stopped her.

On the other side of the warehouse, Jester looked at his watch.

“3 minutes are up, lets jump inside!” he declared.

Jester and his ninjas leapt through the window and saw nothing the TNT, three empty barrels, and the unconscious giant goon.

“Master, the timer reached zero and the bombs didn’t go off, plus they escaped," a ninja sighed.

Jester smiled darkly as his tone became darker.

“Those fools, did they really think I’d do something as brazen as this, when all I had to do was something so simple?” Jester maliciously smiled.

“What do you mean O’ Wise master?”

“I expected them to escape, that’s why I planted a time bomb in the motorcycle, it will go off in approximately 30 seconds. I imagine Madoka is running while her friends are riding. I wonder how much despair she’ll be in when she watches her friends die in front of her Buwahaha.”

“Um master, do you mean THIS motorcycle next to the TNT barrel?”


Jester’s eyes widened as snot began to drip out of his nose. He nervously turned around to see the very motorcycle he planted a time bomb on. Light then began to emerge from the motorcycle.

“[OH SHIT!]”


The warehouse turned into a vicious fireball as Jester and his ninjas flew into the sky.

“IMPOSSIBLE! HOW DID SHE SEE THROUGH MY BRILLIANT PLAN!? THOUGH TOO BAD MADOKA! Aside from some dirt and comedic afros, me and my men are perfectly fine. You failed to kill us Madoka. Oh, and if you think this fall will hurt us, think again. We’re ninjas. We- have- para-gliders.”

“Um master, did you forget!? She destroyed all our para-gliders when she escaped two days ago. We still haven’t had them repaired!”

“Heh!? EHHHHHHHHHHH!? [FUCK YOU MADOKAAAAAA]!” Jester screamed as he and his ninjas flew off into the sky.

Yuni, Emeri, and Madoka flipped off Jester as they gazed from a distance at the smoldering warehouse.

“Hey, thanks for saving me back there, but how’d you know the motorcycle was booby trapped?” asked Yuni.

“Simple, I just did. Plus, I know how that wacko’s mind works by now," Madoka stated.

“I also noticed some irregularities and figured he probably assaulted MY Yamaha. I hope he has a very painful fall for what he did," Emeri glared.

“I’m sorry Emerii! I didn’t mean to drag you out just so you could get kidnapped.”

“It’s alright Mado-chan. For the first time since the bounty was placed, you wanted to go out with me instead of going by yourself or having the servants pick up the food. Yeah, I got kidnapped and was terrified, but if you think I’m never gonna go outside ever again, you’d be wrong. You're one of my closest friends and family. Heck, I practically view you as a little sister. I’d happily brave the elements just to make our lives happier.”

“Emeri your so cool!”

“Hey, I can be badass if I need to be, though that doesn’t mean I can put up well with those I don’t know too well.”

Emeri then became shy again once she saw Yuni looking at her and quickly hid behind Madoka.

“You look cute, I guess I can understand why you want to hide your face. Any way I’m Yuni Futagawa nice to meet you," Yuni smiled

“Y-  you’re not going to report me, are you?” Emeri trembled.

“For what!? I’m off duty today. Besides you did nothing wrong.”

“*Sigh* W- well, you’ve seen my face. I’m Emeri Kuramori. Though please call me Rolly Polly when we’re not alone. If there’s no one but us, feel free to call me Emeri.”

Emeri slowly emerged from behind Madoka and faced Yuni. She was still trembling, but at least now she wasn’t hiding.

“T- this will take some time to get used to," she stated.

“No worries. Oh, are you more comfortable talking via texts?” Yuni asked.

“Seems like you are a detective, you know exactly what I’m thinking.”

After exchanging contact info, the girls decided to flee the area before the police arrived. 

"Why don't we all go get some crepes at the good ole trusted and true place?" Madoka smiled.

"Perfect, I can even go a few rounds in the arcade there," Emeri stated.

"Arcade? Wait, what place are you thinking of?" Yuni asked.

"The place I wanted to take you to last night," Madoka grinned.