Sanae's Soliloquy

This is bad. This is bad. This is really bad!

Sanae Tsubasa booked the first inn returning into Outset and hurried upstairs carrying Daichi on her back. Both of them were panicked, panting, and long since out of stamina. But Daichi was far worse. Sanae's abilities let her monitor his condition, revealing that he was barely holding onto life by a thread.

She opened and closed the door to their rickety, dark room. There wasn’t time to be gentle. She unlatched his arms around her shoulders then tossed him on the bed.

I’m sorry! We have to do this! I need to see the curse mark progress!

Sanae started stripping off all his clothes one by one. She maneuvered the brown robe off then hurriedly tore away his undershirt. Desperate, shaking hands moved to unbuckle his trousers, careful to expose only what was needed, and then he was down to his boxers.

Moonlight leaking through the nearby window exposed a curse mark infestation all throughout Daichi's body. Black blotches were crawling over him like renegade shadows, inching towards his eyes. The worst-case scenario had materialized and it demanded a stalwart response. She further adjusted him then tossed her own robe to the floorboards.

Without hesitation, Sanae ripped off her camisole blouse and tore it to literal pieces. Down to only her bra and panties, she tied a knot around her right arm, making sure it was tight. “Forgive me . . ."

She climbed on top of him and placed her hands on his chest CPR-style. Daichi was littered with sweat and his body radiated heat so intense Sanae could feel it through her thighs. She took a deep breath then pressed into his chest, making him scream.

Bear with it! We don’t have time for an alternative!

Her right hand took on a yellow glow. Sanae closed her eyes and visualized a black ocean gathering beneath her.

“Cursed darkness; I invite thee into a new light. Where the waters are calm and the ripples are gone. Be still the air and stiller the splendor. Come feel the warmth and let your presence be known in your new home.”

Slowly, Daichi’s curse marks started retreating and pooling underneath Sanae’s palm. She waited until the last bits arrived from his feet before pressing into him once more, releasing a blinding flash as she concentrated all her energy for a last-ditch struggle. Bubbling darkness beneath her hand vigorously resisted, but was ultimately squished into a smaller and smaller orb until it couldn't even be felt under her. Then all was soon still.

Daichi had fallen unconscious but had at last been cleansed of curses. His breathing normalized once again and it seemed he was finally out of danger. Only Sanae's rapid pants continued as her own sweat dripped onto Daichi's bare chest.

Oh thank you, God. Her hand attempted to calm her hammering heart. But it was pounding not from the close call, but from what she knew was to come.

After a long, hard gulp, she slowly opened up her right hand. The skin in the center of her palm bore a tattoo-like, black dot that wasn't there before. Ominous energy had already begun to pour out with rapid intensity.

This is the least I can do for you, Daichi. If I don’t make it, please take care of yourself.

The black dot started bubbling, becoming larger and larger while it screeched sounds like steam escaping from a kettle.

Sanae braced herself.

Black flames suddenly erupted out of her palm, spewing cursed embers straight upwards. Flashes of fiendish light spread everywhere that blanketed the entire room with baneful hues.

"AAAHHH!" Curse marks surged up Sanae's wrist as she wailed and fell off the bed. Through agonizing pain, she tightened the knot over her arm she'd tied earlier to slow the curse's spread, but dark blotches still stretched underneath towards her neck.

You will . . . stop . . . here! Her left hand fastened the knot tight enough to cut off blood circulation. Black curses soon reached her face then streaked across her defiant, sapphire eyes. If the concentrated malevolence reached her brain, it would all be over.

Malicious flames continued spewing out but she forced her flaming palm shut, summoning her last bouts of strength for the final fight. Through sheer willpower she pushed the curses back down her neck and halted their spread. On cue, her closed palm started irradiating an azure glow. It traveled up her arm, consuming each blotch one by one until Sanae untied the arm knot and allowed her body to be overtaken by pure light.

Soon, Domination's curse disseminated into arrays of blue particles that danced around in the air. A few fell back onto Sanae, tickling her face as she stared up at the ceiling with a satisfied grin. "Heh. Heh heh heh . . ."

The bed frame creaked as Sanae tried propping herself up against it. She barely had enough strength to sit up, let alone stand, so her bum plopped back to the floor. Already her remaining stamina had begun draining away, but she needed a checkup before granting herself respite. Her tired eyes then examined her entire bare body:

Hands: clear

Arms: clear

Feet: clear

Legs: clear

Torso: clear

Looks like we're in the clear! she sighed to herself. Her body's natural curse resistance, like an immune system, had kicked in just in the nick of time to save her. Clerics enjoyed several perks not available to other classes, but were balanced out by having inferior stats in most other areas.

The last bead of sweat trickled down her face and dripped off her chin. But just as her eyes began shutting, two arms from above draped a blanket around her shoulders. Without a word, Daichi shifted off the bed and sat down beside her.

“Thank you,” Sanae whispered. She used the blanket to wrap herself up.

“You’re thanking me?" Daichi cheerfully said. "I've lost count how many times you've saved my life today. As far as I’m concerned, you never gotta thank me for anything again.”

She shook her head. Already the guilt of being an associate of someone's suffering was inflicting overbearing emotions. “No, I’m a terrible person. I let Makoto string you along knowing he was full of it. I watched him have fun seeing Domination fling you around, and I let it all continue because he had me tricked too.”

“What do you mean?”

I mean everything! Sanae still wasn't even sure if she wished to confess all her sins. She was weary even looking him in the eyes, afraid he'd judge her for what she'd permitted. But something about Daichi—something about his innocent, honest nature had ignited a new spark inside her. Even though she'd only known him for a day, she already missed being able to peer into his forest-green eyes. They were eyes full of hope that didn't yet know how heinous the world he'd spawned into truly was.

And within that dark room, she gave him the quickest of cutest glances, before she blushed and looked away back towards the floorboards.

"Hmmm?" he said.

I totally forgot he's half-naked! Sanae tried to hide her face with blankets. Wait, I'm half-naked too under this!

Daichi made an uncomfortable chuckle as he probably realized his own lack of clothes. "Well you stripped me because you had to, I'm sure, haha."

"You're not mad?" Sanae said without looking at him.

"If it was to save me, you could've taken everything off if you wante—actually that came out kinda weird, my bad . . ." He glanced away with a blushing, stammering face.

But it was his innocent honesty that fascinated Sanae to no end. She'd be lying to herself if she denied not being at least a little charmed by him. But maybe, just maybe, he was someone that could cure her of her own inner nihilism, and pick up the torch that Hiro had always refused to. Just the prospect alone made her fidget with girly emotions she hadn't felt since high school.

And then her mind was made up.

"Okay. I'll tell you everything," Sanae said with reaffirmed confidence. She willed herself to turn in Daichi's direction and meet his eyes.

"Oh, only if you're feeling comfortable with—" Then he froze.

The air energized with their fervent glances, their eyes meeting directly for the first time since escaping Domination's Raid. For precious moments, neither said a word and only admired the wondrous beauty of each other's faces in their moonlit room. Remnants of blue sparkles still wafting through the air reflected in Sanae's glimmering eyes as they longed for a response from Daichi.

But just as his face started nearing hers, he recoiled and fidgeted about, like he thought he crossed a line he shouldn't.

"It's just—erm—uhhh . . . You don't need to mention things you're not comfortable with yet, y-yeah!"

This guy is gonna be a handful, haha. Her lips curved into the cutest smile, but she hid it underneath her blanket. Muffled, wholesome giggles blessed the air around her.

"Well, they're a little serious stuff to say, but they're still things I think you need to hear," she replied to him. She didn't mind divulging all of the day's events, but her grief-stricken past was still something she'd rather keep hidden for now.

"Yeah! Whatever works, whatever you want. Just don't force yourself."

A deep breath into her mouth and she began. “Alright. In the woods outside the Raid, when I told you to run away, Makoto made me tell him all about you, then he offered me a deal: If I became his girlfriend, he’d make Lone Star prioritize finding your sister. But if I refu—”

“Sanae!" Daichi's voice rang throughout the room as he stared right at her. "You never have to go that far for anyone! You refused right?”

"Y-Yeah." Her bare legs fidgeted inside the blanket, surprised at his chivalrous reaction. "He's always wanted to screw me, so I tried compromising and seeing if he’d settle for anything else, but of course he wouldn't budge.”

“I’m sorry you got put into that situation because of me.” Daichi seemed genuinely apologetic but didn't know how to convey it; he just looked at the floor in shame. However, there was still more that he needed to hear, even if it might break him.

Sanae buried her face in the blanket again. “Makoto gave us another option though: If you survived in a fight against Domination for fifteen minutes, he’d greenlight helping find your sister. I knew how impossible that was but still agreed anyway, when I could've just put out like he wanted and saved you all that suffering."

Silence.

Daichi probably hates me now . . . Her thoughts were clouded with guilt and self-loathing. No one knew better than her what the consequences of torture were. But she'd earlier willingly allowed someone else to suffer in her place. What kind of Cleric am I? What kind of person am I? Maybe I should just disappea—

A sudden hand started gently ruffling the top of her head. Sanae looked to her side and saw Daichi beaming a contagious smile.

“If that’s what you’d have to go through, I’m happy I suffered through Domination's fight," he said with pure sincerity. "Plus, you still saved me with those Soul Ropes, right?”

“Y-Y-Yes." She tried to muffle a cute sniffle. "They were our guild's. Makoto was letting me store them, so I planted one on you while Hiro and him sparred."

“Guess that’s something else to thank you for, haha."

“Maybe. Soul Ropes bind to your Void Soul and can get past those pink veils. But I waited until the last moment to use it because I wanted Lone Star to help find your sister, when I should’ve just jumped in there—even if everything would've been off.”

“It doesn’t matter now though." He sat up and brought one of his knees to his chest. A strong look of pondering overtook his face, taking a few seconds to continue. "You’re done with Lone Star, so you don’t gotta deal with crazy cowboys anymore.”

Sanae slid herself lower to the floor. “Makoto is a terrible person, but even after everything, I still don’t think he’s a complete asshole. Him and Lone Star really did save me from a dark place in my life back then."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

It wasn't something she was ready to discuss in detail yet. Risking losing yet another friend over things beyond her control was too heartbreaking to even imagine. "Maybe some other time," she responded.

"Mm. No problem. Whenever you're ready."

There were only a few centimeters of distance separating them, but it felt like a whole ravine the more she kept her emotions to herself. If she couldn't reveal her abstruse past, then the least she could do was further explain her background with Lone Star.

"Makoto", she started, "he never forced me to do anything I didn’t want. I joined his guild because I wanted to—to thank him for saving me. We all had fun adventuring together, but it was obvious he was changing for the worse. Crueler pranks and an attitude that became more unbearable by the day. So I guess him picking up that cowboy shtick was just his way of trying to suppress himself, haha."

"Huh. Now that I think about it, he did sort of break character a few times during the Raid." Daichi grasped his chin as if to try remembering.

"Breaking character is fine, but trying to kill you was the last straw for me, so I broke things off for good." But deep inside her, a cathartic feeling of freedom gave off blissful sparks, like she'd finally summoned the willpower to escape an abusive relationship. The only lingering regret was . . .

"Wait, what about Hiro?" Daichi said. "Super nice guy, and I think they knew each other in real life?"

"Yeah, since they were kids. Makoto was a bit of a nerd apparently if you can believe it. People just change I suppose when you put them in a world where your actions don't matter as much."

"I don't think Hiro changed much though, right?"

"Who knows. Hiro was just—someone I really respected, but I guess all that stuff is in the past now."

“If you really want it, you’ll bump into Hiro again someday! Guaranteed!” Daichi tried reassuring her. “I’m just not sure where I go from here, haha."

She smiled at him, granting a tiny glimpse of the white teeth she took pride in. “Make a guild, and I’ll join it.”

“W-Wait, what?”

“Mm! I’ll be your guild’s dedicated healer and help you find your sister! Think of it as my way of atoning for everything.”

“Sanae, I couldn’t ask you to do anything more for—”

“I don’t mind at all; I’m all yours,” she sent him a quick wink. “Besides, it’s my fault Makoto roped you into his guild in the first place. That’s why I left you out in the woods after saving you from Hoppers. If I came back with you into town he’d for sure try recruiting you.”

“G-Guess your plan didn’t quite work out then, haha." He looked somewhat flustered, but Sanae couldn't tell if it was from her proposal or her teasing.

There he goes again. She let loose another cute giggle, while surges of gratefulness enveloped her for the string of coincidences that'd led to her meeting this funny boy. Maybe Paradise isn't so bad after all . . .

Sanae balled herself up and let herself slide onto Daichi’s shoulder. Her eyes began slowly shutting from exhaustion, but feeling him fidget from her touch felt oddly relaxing. Both of them enjoyed the stillness of their solitude together for a few moments.

“So the guild is okay?” she mumbled with a tired voice.

“Depends. If you're serious, we got a long road ahead of us. Kyouko probably isn’t gonna make herself easy to find."

“Two heads are better than one . . .” Her thoughts trailed off as she recalled saying those same words to another friend long ago, when they'd both arrived in Paradise two years ago. Where was she now? What was she doing? Would there still be lingering antipathy between them?

"You tired?" She barely heard Daichi say. "I can—"

“Momoka . . .” Sanae whispered as sleep started overtaking her. In her dazed state, she felt a pair of gentle arms pick her up and lay her in bed. Quick fingers brushed aside her bangs then checked her forehead’s temperature. After hearing some footsteps tiptoeing away, she squinted her eyes open and saw Daichi getting comfy in a distant chair, wrapping himself in spare blankets.

I won’t make the same mistake, Momoka. This time I’ll protect everyone that cares about me, and I will find you one day to say I’m sorry, even if it’s just your grave I find.

She clutched the pearl pendant around her neck and closed her eyes once more.