De Memoriae Vitae Praeteritae

The night was cold, colder than usual. Influxes of bitter tastes in the air hinted at what was to come. 

Daichi Ayanami gripped his swing’s chain handles as he lightly rocked back and forth. The deserted playground near his home held too many memories for him to feel relaxed. Overwhelming him were illusions of his mother pushing him down the slide as a kid, of her helping him cross the monkey bars, and he could even almost feel her pushing him on the swing.

They were all memories begging to be relived but could never be experienced again. Mementos of bygone times were all that remained. 

Then, atop the jungle gym, a strange sight prompted his eyes to squint ahead. Donned in an alluring goddess outfit, a young woman was gazing up towards the crescent moon. Her long, green hair dotted with sakura petals was tucked behind her ear, showcasing a shimmering crystal tied around her wrist. Sparkles twinkling with the essence of every star in the universe were seemingly contained within her trinket, but just as she started turning to face Daichi, a breeze blew her entire existence away.

Did he imagine her too?

Squeaks of metallic chains from the left swing focused his attention again on the black-haired girl sitting beside him. She seemed listless, as if being consumed by a silent melancholy. Every now and then her fingers that were coiled around the swing chains would quiver with slight hints of life. What was she contemplating? What did she want to—

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Daichi asked his friend Hanako. Both teens were still in their black uniforms back from school, but metaphorical clouds hung over their heads from which rain seemed imminent.

Hanako's face was expressionless but she managed to force a smile. “I accidentally saw you the other day behind the gymnasium, and kinda overheard Hayori's whole confession. Sorry."

Oh, that’s what this is about. “She was second year I didn’t know very well—asked me to meet her back there during lunch, but I honestly wasn't sure why."

“If a girl asks to talk to you somewhere private, it should be obvious what her intentions are." Her lips curved again into a dejected frown, the kind that could break any man with guilt.

Hanako's statement made him remember why he was sitting here. "Yeah, I rejected her though. I could tell she was a good person, but I hardly knew her personally.”

“There's more though: I heard rumors that the piano prodigy herself confessed to you at the cultural festival too? Is that true?”

“Well I rejected her too so—”

“That’s not the issue!” she almost yelled. Her pained voice echoed in the silent night. “You’re popular, Daichi. You have been ever since I can remember. But I thought maybe, just maybe, you were waiting for me to speak up."

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just that—I really, really wanted to wait for this, since I know there’s enough on your mind with Kyouko, but I don’t wanna risk losing you to someone else anymore.”

“Huh?”

She took a deep breath, and then her acutely lavender eyes peered towards the night sky above. “I love you, Daichi. I always have.”

His heart skipped several beats, but he remained composed. All he was hearing was what he'd already suspected and knew he would have to confront eventually. The time had just arrived before he'd fortified his conscious.

“There’s so many girls confessing to you—girls that don’t know what you’re going through—but if you accept me, I’ll be better than all of them! I'd bring you homemade lunch, I wouldn't be overly attached, we could keep it a secret from your dad . . ."

Words went in one ear but out Daichi's other. If he didn't retain her solemn sentiments, maybe it would be less heartbreaking to issue his formal response.

". . . and if you reject me, I’ll still be your friend if nothing else," she finally concluded.

Daichi looked towards the ground as his emotions collided with his priorities. “Hanako. This is just kind of sudden, so I’m not sure—”

“If you're not interested, you don’t have to sanitize things." Her eyes started watering but she looked away to hide it. “I’d do anything for you, and that includes letting you live your life if you don’t wanna share it with me.”

“J-Just let me think about it for a while,” he stammered. “Honestly, you’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met, and I’m happy we grew up together. I love your eyes, your silky hair, your body, everything.”

“Then—”

“If you confessed at any other point, I don’t think I could say no. But right now yeah, looking after Kyouko is the only thing on my mind; Sorry."

He waited to be chastised, to be lambasted for his calculated but heartfelt reply. Nothing came though. Not even the whimpers or cries that would have crushed his soul. Instead, there was just a deafening silence—and he'd have to break it.

"Can you wait for a solid response until things get back to normal?” Daichi concluded his pitiful appeal at consolation. His eyes fluttered between being glued to the ground and trying to read Hanako's expression beside him.

Then, she outstretched her right hand between their swings, like she wanted him to hold her. “Give me a reason to wait."

Huh? His left hand twitched, itching to embrace her, but kept itself attached to the swing chain. Everything could have changed if he just reached for her, to let her know that he at least cared for her as a friend, though it just wasn't worth the risk. 

After a few seconds, he watched her arm retreat back to her lap. Bits of sniffling ensued but she soon calmed herself.

Neither teen looked at the other, likely afraid of the faces they'd each be making. They both just sat quiet in their own swings while another uncomfortable silence festered between them.

“Sorry," Daichi said. He talked to the ground ahead of him as if it were her. "When I’m ready to give a better answer, I’ll let you know though."

Hanako shook her head. “It’s fine. I get it really. There’s tons of pretty girls lining up for you. Why settle for just me?” She hopped off the swing and started to leave.

“Wait, wait!” Daichi leapt from his seat then ran to grab her hand. She was cold enough to surprise him, like she'd been digging into the frigid chains far more than needed. “You’re waiting for me, and I’m waiting for Kyouko. So if you don’t mind, let’s just keep talking like we always have, and see where we go from there. Okay?"

She turned to face him. Her radiant, purple eyes that sparkled even under indirect moonlight had a calming effect. “Alright. Alright."

"Erm, alright what?"

"Geez! I mean I'll wait for a bit, since Kyouko is important to me too. But don’t make me wait until you’re ready—because I already am.”

It was a fair, sound compromise. Daichi let go of her hand. “I’ll do my best.”

The first honest smile of the night spread across Hanako's lips, then she cutely giggled. “You always were indecisive. Guess I’ll need to take the whole package if I really want you.”

“And if I end up saying ‘yes’, all your K-Pop and otaku probably come with you too.”

“All or nothing!”

The two burst into wholesome laughter together like it was another ordinary day—the days he yearned for. Daichi wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and never let go, but he couldn’t involve her in Dominion's affairs yet. He was far too close to answers to risk setbacks.

“Okay, I'll get going now,” Hanako said. She randomly performed a quick twirl that lifted up her skirt a tad too much. “Teehee. I’ll apologize for today’s cringe later on. But when I do, maybe send me a hint? Girls like that sort of stuff."

“Hmm? What kind of hint?”

“Like, you could maybe try holding my hand on the train, or randomly hug me like I’m already yours . . .”

“I think those are things couples do, haha.”

She playfully stuck her tongue out at him. “Semantics, dummy! Fine! I’ll just play the fussy tsundere until senpai notices me!”

“We’re in the same year though.”

“Super geez!" Hanako facepalmed, letting her hand drag all the way down. "Those other girls sure dodged a huge bullet.”

“Huh?”

“Mm-mm! Never mind! I’ll see you around though, k?” She ran across the playground and walked around the street fence. A cute wink to the boy she'd fallen for was her last parting gift.

Daichi waved goodbye, but as Hanako walked down the sidewalk, the same Greek, green-haired goddess from earlier materialized behind her. She was over a dozen centimeters taller than her prey and walked at a brisker pace. Eventually, the woman waltzed into and melded with an oblivious Hanako—becoming one with her. The unfettered, black-haired girl continued on her way like nothing occurred.

Am I seeing things? Daichi blinked then rubbed his eyes. Maybe I gotta stop staying up so late on the net.

Up above, clouds had started eclipsing the crescent moon.

An omen? he thought. But omens can be good too.

“Excuse me, sir?”

"What?" Daichi heard a woman’s distant, echoing voice. He turned in all directions to discern its source but a ringing in his ears disoriented him. "Ack!"

“Sir? Sir?"

And then slowly, he began awakening from his trance.