Start Of My Actual Story

(This is the actual story of... Nothing!)

I don’t have a story like this... I never met my chance...

What the hell is “my chance” anyway...

Wait...

Yes... I remember... Two years ago... I try kill myself... 

But why... I have to have a reason right... I can’t kill myself for no reason...

“Aoki... Don’t cry... You still have me...” 

Wait ı know this voice... She’s... She’s... No... I know her... Im sure but... What’s her name?

“Aoki...” Who are you... “Aoki... Don’t cry...”, “How are you ended up like that...?” 

But... People who are say these aren’t the same person... Im sure about that... İt can’t be...

One of them is Miss Chieko... But other one... I don’t know...

No ı know

She’s my sister... Aiko

I don’t remeber our first met but she remember for me, she was four when we met

She always say that, she wanted a baby sister but when she had me, she fall in love with me at the second she saw me

I don’t know where’s our parents are, ı just know that ı always only have my sister

We’re always together, she always protect me, she always be there for me

I never looking for a parent just because ı have her

But one day... She just gone...

I don’t remember how she’s gone, ı just remember that she’s gone and she never come back

She was always smile and look warm, she always treat me just like one of her friends

She always so nice and warm...

But ı don’t remember her face, ı just remember her voice

But ı remember how everthing start, how we ended up alone with her

(About 8 years ago)

I was walking home from school with Eri, she telling me she bought a new game we wait so long for come out

I was really want to go her house but ı know ı have to tell my mother ı leave first

So ı go to my house and knock the door and wait for someone open it

But no one open it, ı knock it harder but no one open it again

So ı thought they go to store or something like that... I don’t remember well...

Anyway ı decide go Eri’s house directly

I know my mom would be yell at me and punnish me but ı also know that she can’t stay angry to me so long

So ı go to Eri’s house directly... Im still regret that why wouldn’t ı knock door more... İf ı do that maybe ı can change something...

Anyway we’ll never gonna know this...

I go to Eri’s house and we play this game for so long, almost for hours

When ı remember ı have to go back home it’s almost ten o’clock

I take my stuff say “See you later” to Eri and start walking home

When ı come home ı realise my dad car isn’t here

İt was strange, he always come at the right time from work

When ı knock the door no one open it again, so ı sit there and wait for someone come

But no one showed up

I keep waiting for hours but still no one showed up

I still remember how hopeless ı feel after every second pass

When it’s almost midnight neighboors realise me and call the copes

They come and take me to police station

I remember ı was happy because ı was in a police car and police men are so nice to me

They talk me nicely and take care of me

When ı was in police station my sister come to take me

I can see she cried and has scar on her face, she’s always like this so ı don’t mind that so much

Police men talk with her but don’t let me hear them so ı don’t know what they talk about but ı can say they talk something about me at one point because my sister point me and they look at me

After police men stop talking with her, she come hold my hand and take me to home

When we were on the road ı keep asking her “Where’s mom?”, “Why dad work at this late hour?”, “What are you talk with police men?” But she don’t answer me

She kept her silence until we come to home

When we come to home she lock the door and sit front of the door

She’s still smiling but ı can see her tears falling

I go next to her and kness down front of her, ı hold her face and look at her with worried look on my face but she just look at me with her smile and “What’s wrong?” She said

I be closer to her and hug her “Sister don’t worry ım sure mom and dad just have to work, ım sure they would turn back”

I was said that just because calm her, but she start crying even more and her smile dissapeard

She hold me and pull close to herself, she hug me so tightly and cry more and more

Now ı can’t see her face but her tears fall to my face

I try to save myself from her hug and want to look at her face but she hold me even tighter “Aoki no... I don’t want you see me like this...” She said and start cry even more

I can’t understand why she keep crying, ı knowed it’s not normal my dad work until late hours but she don’t have to cry for this

She know that sometime mom and dad dissapeard for days but they always come back and she never cry before

I save myself and look at her face, and ı shocked

She wasn’t smiling... But how... She always smile... She has to smile...

She look at me and see how ı look scared but she don’t smile and keep crying “Aiko... You scared me... Please smile...” I ask her but she shake her head “Aoki... Smile... Smile for me... I don’t think ı can do more” 

No... I can’t believe this... She has to smile... “You have to smile!” I yell at her, she normally don’t do anything when ı yelled at her but this time she slap me on the face

I look at her with my eyes, she look so scary right now... I can’t even cry, ı just hold my cheek and look at her with fear on my face...

She stop for a moment and don’t do anything, when she realise what she do to me

She look so scared now, she start appologize and hug me tightly “Aoki ım so sorry... Im sorry... İt’s not your fault” 

I save myself from her hug and stand up front of her “Tell me what’s happening right now! You don’t act normal! Mom and dad don’t come home! What’s wrong?!” I yelled at her with full eyes

Im about to cry too but ı try to look strong “You can’t cry you have to smile all the time!” I keep yelling at her

She look at the floor and wipe her eyes and look at me with smiling

Now ı can understand she force herself for smile for me but at this time ı thought she was finally happy

When she finally cry and smile at me ı was feel happy too

I thought everthing normal now... I don’t have to cry anymore... I don’t have to afraid anymore...

But ı was wrong... 

Until ı start to middle school everything was fine, ım happy and my sister was happy too

Atleats ı thought that way...

İn my third year in middle school something bad happen

My sister kill herself... 

She just call me when ım in school, ı can’t open it because when she call me ı was in class

İn the break ı call her back but it was too late

She just leave me a text and gone... I don’t even know her reason... Or how she killed herself... We never can find her body...

I just have that text she left me... But it’s only have one sentecnes...

“Smile... Smile for me... You can’t be sad...”

Im still regreting why ı didn’t open her phone... Maybe if ı open it ı can save her... 

Anyway ı can’t change the past now... 

And now how is my actual story start... How ı ended up like that...