Into a dark forest

It always went the same way: first, granddad would ask the eldest cousin Marie about her relationship, casting a casual glance at Dave before turning back to Marie. Then, drop something like ‘children are the greatest joy this life can offer’, all the while keeping an eye on Dave.

‘So, how’s university for you? Already decided what you would like to be after graduation?’ granddad began.

‘It’s going fine. There’s still another year to go; we don’t need to decide until Christmas,’ Dave replied as he fiddled with a piece of potato on his plate.

‘And how’s you and your girlfriend?’

His brother sneered. ‘Oh right, how’s your internet girlfriend doing? Any babies on the horizon?’

‘Tom!’ mom glared.

‘We broke up a few months ago.'

‘Well, it was internet, after all. It’s not real. You should find someone while you’re at university,’ granddad scoffed.

Dave held his tongue back as he stood up and left. Without further ado, granddad continued to talk to Tom about his new job in the tech industry.

He passed the hallway, filled with their family photos from every birthday that they celebrated. Every granddad’s birthday, that is. It always was the same picture. A group surrounded granddad in the middle with some sitting and others standing. He leaned on his staff with a stern look. You could track the years according to his receding hairline alone.

As he exited outside, he leaned on the rail of the veranda. Ahead of him laid pitch darkness. Yet he knew. A deep forest was right in front of him. An occasional owl, rustling in the bushes, and a spine chilling screech. ‘What is that?’

‘Grandpapa can be such a drag, huh?’ Marie sneaked behind while lighting up a cigarette and settling in on a swing-chair.

Dave jumped, alerted by her presence, eyeing her with distrust. Her perfectly done hair, nails, clean outfit, light make-up. It didn’t match her tone or the way she slowly inhaled the smoke and puffed it out with slightly narrowed eyes.

‘Don’t worry about him. He’s old school.’

‘And you’re not old school?’

She chuckled, tapping off the ash from her cigarette. ‘Hey, do I need to remind you my relationship started online too? I just don’t bother mentioning it. So, have a new girlfriend now?’

‘What? No,’ he pulled his sleeves lower. ‘No.’

‘Ho ho? Such denial,’ she leaned forward. ‘Just saying because you seemed to be glued to your phone the whole evening. Staring at some chat. I’m jealous, you know. I wish I could be your age again, experience those crushes, anticipation, the nerves, the fluffy feeling inside. Get my heart broken, break a couple.’

‘You’re getting married. Isn’t that the end-goal of all the things you mentioned?’

She squeezed a wry smile, finishing her cigarette.

‘Anyway, you should get back to them, too. Don't give gramps any strings to pull later. Tom is already bringing your name up.’

One last glance and in a blink of an eye she transformed back to her old self, calling out to granddad in excitement as she returned to the living room.

'The nerves… That I’ve got plenty of.’

He stared at his last message sent to Miira.

‘I’m really sorry for what I have done. It was nothing personal against you. I just hope you’re fine.’

Hours had passed with no reply. She never even came online since that night.

‘Apologize properly.’

He started typing again.

‘I am not sure if there is a good explanation for this. I felt scared. It was unexpected-,’ he bit his lip and deleted. It was a bunch of fluff. Because at the end of it all, he couldn't put his reasoning into words.

He exhaled as he waved back to his mom, who signaled him it was time to leave.  The screech from within the forest echoed once more, stopping his hand mid air and drawing his gaze back into the darkness.

***

It was a second day in the row of utter radio silence from Miira — no static runs, no messages exchanged. The exam season was creeping closer, and the mounting tension seemed almost palpable. To add to all the mess, Luca relentlessly bombarded Dave with coursework questions that left him stumped. It was high time to hunker down and work.

However, no matter how many hours he spent in the library, his laptop glowing before him, he achieved only one skill: training how long he could keep his hands suspended above the keyboard in frustration.

He struggled to engage with the lines of code in front of him as another concern nagged at the back of his mind. It steadily claimed more space with each passing moment.

With a ruffle of his hair, he folded his arms on the table and buried face in them, conceding defeat. At this rate, the only thing he could type was ‘Please forgive me, Miira.’.

He turned his head and observed a couple of students bickering about something. Something about exams. A command. Not understanding its use. A need to go back to a lecture material.

‘Go back,’ the words reverberated.

He sat up straight, eyes widening. He gathered his laptop and left in haste.

***

The sun set, enveloping the park in a warm, golden glow and casting shadows from the hedges and trees around. Dave treaded the path of pebbles, his every neuron on high alert, ready to respond, searching for any hint of fear or anxiety. Yet, the tranquil park offered nothing but the curious chirping of birds.

Approaching the bench, he noticed an unfamiliar dark object resting upon it. He paused, trying to discern its identity from a distance, but uncertainty clouded his perception. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever awaited.

Sitting down, he picked it up. The umbrella was in immaculate condition, which triggered a wave of thoughts about its journey over the past days. 

‘Someone put it here. But who? Could’ve been a total stranger, or perhaps… Miira.’

He grasped the handle, holding onto it as it was his last hope, clenching his teeth.

‘God, I wish it were you. I wish I could laugh with you like nothing ever happened,’ and there it was. The realization of how good it felt to talk to her in recent days. How precious and fragile these moments were in his life. How much he longed to retrieve them.

Leaning back on the bench, he looked up at the sky with resolve.

‘Why am I afraid to meet you in person? Would I feel this way if it were Deilo, Apollo, or Sanakyu? No, I don't think so. Is it because you're a girl?’

He thought back to the girls he knew in the game, but only two people surfaced — 'her' and Miira.

‘Her’. There. He sensed something as he imagined 'her' beyond the hedge. Something that made him lose his breath, peeled his eyes open and tensed up every muscle. He had blocked ‘her’, but there ‘she’ was. Nestling somewhere deep in his mind, living rent-free.

Call it a night, watch some anime, play with Kyu. That was what he wanted to do now. That was what pushed ‘her’ out of his mind. But that wouldn’t solve anything, would it?

He stared at the tree next to him, anchoring to it as his lifeline to reality. The source of the screech beckoned from the dark forest.

- - -

Dave laid on his bed, tossing side to side with a sheepish grin.

‘Oh? You want to see me?’

‘Maybe. Come to me. For Christmas,’ he bit his lip at the prospect of having ‘her’ for a full week over. Waking up next to ‘her’, getting to feel ‘her’ existence, knowing that it was okay to touch ‘her’ because ‘she’ was his.

‘Daveyyy… You know I want to. I just don’t have the money.’

‘I know. I will pay for your tickets. You don’t need to spend anything. Just come.’

‘Okay. But let’s talk about the tickets later.’

‘Overflowing joy.’

Then it was dark. Raindrops tapped against the window. He watched one of them make its way to the bottom. His coursework sat in front of him in patience, half done. It was due in the next 15 hours. He jolted in surprise as his phone vibrated.

‘What are you up to?’ ‘she’ wrote.

It was enough to crumble his tiredness. Clutching his phone, he replied instantaneously.

‘Homework. You?’

‘I’m just laying. I feel so empty.’

‘Why?’

‘Life sucks?’

‘Not for long. Just two weeks and we will meet.’

‘Uh…’

He knitted the eyebrows and waited as ‘she’ typed for a long time.

‘I don’t think I will be coming.’

‘What? Why? Did your mom change her mind?’

And then silence. Nothing.

‘Shattered expectations.’

A few days later, on a bus on his way home, he got his answer.

‘Hey. Sorry, only now noticed your message. I’m ok,’ ‘she’ replied to a message he had sent hours ago.

‘You didn’t notice a ‘good morning’ message until now?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Right. What’s wrong?’

‘Listen. I think I need space.’

‘Space?’

‘Yeah. Like we should take a break.’

Space. Space, which ‘she’ filled with a rival party’s tank. Space, in which ‘she’ spent each day together with him, as Dave watched them from the distance. As he received a message from their other static members telling him they were becoming a thing. As he stared at the ticket he had bought ‘her’, showing departure only the very next day.

‘Betrayal.’

- - -

He opened his eyes to be met by a familiar tree.

‘I didn’t want to feel that shatter again. That betrayal. Because ‘she’ said you flirted with other guys. Because your first clear performance was too exceptional. Because… what if I let you close? Let you look into my eyes?’

It was a realization he dreaded — he had feelings for Miira. Despite the fact he barely knew her. Despite that only a few months ago, he endured the greatest pain he thought there was. A pain which kills any ability to love again. And Miira just waltzed into his life, turning his beliefs into a laughingstock.

He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was overflowing. His gaze locked on the umbrella next to him, and with a curious grin, he gently picked it up once again. Walking to the closest gap in the hedge, with a head held high, he crossed onto her side.

It looked… the same. Even a big tree. She had one of her own. A partner of his tree. And a desolate bench.

He approached it with a flutter in his heart and took a seat. A sudden blush overcame him, realizing how borderline creepy it was to feel the way he did. To sit on the same bench as she did, where her body pressed against. It swept him away for a moment, yet his determination reminded of his initial idea. He placed the umbrella down and, with a glint in his eyes, he turned on the heel and walked back home.