And Confession

"You used to do what?"

"Back in junior high, I would do just that. Convince guys," she said.

"To get them to go to your church group?"

Haruko nodded.

What does that even mean? You would convince guys to follow you around? What for? Just because you could? Were you trying to prove a point? Did you want to hurt them? Should I have taken Fujiwara's warning more seriously? Is this what you were doing to me? What's your problem? Hello?

I wanted to say all of it. Instead, I remembered the last time Haruko made me want to blow up in a fit of rage. I remembered how I had laughed it off, and then I took a deep, long breath.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked.

"You should know."

"Then, what happened? I'd rather get the story without Fujiwara mixed in."

Haruko glanced up at me. "I'm sure he didn't lie to you, it wasn't good." She took a deep breath. "Back then, I didn't know who I was. Only one thing made me feel like I understood. And that's when people flattered me. Gave compliments. Like that I was pretty, or that I was cute, or that I was smart." She paused for a moment. I couldn't decipher her facial expression at all.

"So I kept doing things to make people tell me stuff like that, it wasn't even hard. They would call me all sorts of things. Beautiful, intelligent, capable, royalty, even God. Eventually, I would convince them that I was the most important thing in their lives. But that wasn't really who I was, that's just who they thought I was.

"I got carried away. Mostly with guys, but some girls too. I really did think that I could control them and… I wanted to bring them all somewhere that made me doubt myself. Somewhere that I felt, y'know, weak. When everyone met up and realized that I treated them all the same way, they got angry. Some of them yelled, called me names, told me I was worthless. I used to build myself up with the things people told me, so hearing those words was…" She stopped.

Her wrinkled face looked like it was on the brink of tears. Before she had started talking, I was so angry. And now I was even more upset. But none of that mattered anymore. She already knew she'd messed up. All I could see was a girl ready to cry in front of me, a friend.

I'm not sure what came over me, whether it was instinct or something else, but I acted before I thought about it. I took two steps towards her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I told her it was okay. I understood.

I didn't know how I should hold my arms, how long I should hug her, or how my words should come out, if at all. I'd never hugged anyone before, besides my parents, so I waited. I don't know if she cried, if she had, I couldn't tell. She stood there for a moment, laying her hands against my back. Her arms were shaking gently. After a long few seconds, she stepped away.

"Thanks."

I nodded.

"We don't have to go anywhere. If you're not totally into the idea of hanging out after that I get it," she said.

There was a lot to process after hearing her story. Part of me was reminded of my own junior high school incident, though I'm divided on which of ours was worse. Leading on a bunch of guys or getting suspended and nearly dropping out of school? Either way, I'd have never expected to see Haruko that melancholic. Now that things were pretty much cleared up though, I felt a lot more sure of myself. Sure of Haruko.

Well then, how do I cheer her up?

"So, you said it wasn't even that hard to get people to follow you around like that? Do you know why?"

Her head shot up and her eyes brightened all the way to their max setting. That signature smile returned to her face. Bingo.

"Isn't that weird?! That's exactly what bothered me the most about the whole thing. Like, why are they so willing to follow some random chick around anyway? You see, that's when I really started thinking there had to be more to me than any random girl on the street, y'know? Like, if I'm not God, that kind of thing could never happen! You know what I mean?" she leaned over onto the table.

"With godly power comes godly responsibility."

"Mhm! I better be careful, huh? You're lucky I'm so self-aware or I might accidentally squish your head with my fingertips." She shut one eye and held her fingertips up, squishing my head, presumably. "You know, that was surprisingly wise coming from someone like you."

"You are aware that I got it from a superhero movie, right?"

"What? Are you stupid? It sounds way too dumb to come from something like that."

 But you just told me…

"They usually say something mega cool right at the critical point, y'know?" she said.

So is that like a climax but different? "Oh yeah, where are we going by the way?"

She tilted her head to the side.

"I mean, if you're paying I'm definitely going."

"Oh!" She straightened up, puffing her chest out. "Hmm… I'm craving fried food, something that I'll regret on the way home, y'know?"

"Tonkatsu?"

"No! Beef! Deep-fried beef. I just want it to be super meaty and heavy, y'know?"

This had to be a new personal best "y'know" streak.

"We'll probably have to go into the city for something like that," I said.

"Perfect! How long can you stay out?"

I narrowed my eyelids. "How long? What, are you planning on kidnapping me?"

"You'd be so easy to kidnap there wouldn't even be a point in trying," she said.

That's a harrowing thought. "I'm pretty sure I can stay out as late as we need."

"Me too! Want to see a movie then? We can eat after that. Oh! And then there's this hidden place I want to show you by the station."

She kept on rambling, going off about what makes quality fried foods and the importance of an even distribution when mixing butter into popcorn.

Hearing her get all enthusiastic, it was starting to sound kind of fun. I hadn't seen a movie since—wait a minute. A movie?

"Maybe a movie isn't—"

"Isn't it exciting?" Her hair floated up with pure energy. It was palpable. And contagious.

I guess one movie wouldn't hurt.

But, now that I thought about it, wasn't this kind of similar to a real date? Like… a real real date? Does she…? No. No way. Definitely not.