XXVIII. I wish I was naive enough to believe

"Go go go, Aizawa! Gooo!"

Kenji kicked the ball, which spun towards Nase like a top. Izumi sat next to me, upon the brick fence surrounding the tree Nase hid the ball in... on...? Today's menu consisted of non-kitty onigiri. I'd run out of time. While munching on one, Izumi noted, "I shouldn't even be here."

"Why not?"

"Apparently some guys in my class are obsessed with beating yours. Because of... uh, that guy." He gestured at Nase. "I got forced into the team."

I snorted. "You?"

He glared at me. "Like you're one to talk."

"I volunteered, thank you very much. What are you playing as, anyway?"

"As... I don't know, the guy at the back? But not the goalkeeper?"

"Defender?"

"Who cares."

Izumi the grouchy little mushroom playing as defender was hilarious, and I was too slow when it came to hiding my response. He gave me the finger. "Saku!" Called out Kenji. "Come here, you traitor!"

"I'm eating, sorry."

So Nase invited himself over again. He took one of the onigiri, bit it, then said, "This is so good! Who made it? Your girlfriend?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Really? Wow, I didn't know Hanamura could cook. Anyway, hurry up. You're next."

Izumi noted, once Nase had gone to torture Kenji again, "So you are dating her."

"I'm not."

"Listen, if... if you and Yuki start drama over this, just know it's none of my business. It's just insane how much you're ignoring the red flags."

"What red flags?" I asked. "Have you even spoken to Hanamura before? Exactly. You're just going off what Hoshino tells you. At this rate, if she tells you to jump off a bridge—"

"Just go."

I just went. "I know how to do passes," I told Nase. "Let's just do something else."

He grinned, but it came out forced. "Sure, but... um. Could we do a few of them anyway? Please? Do you think you can do it if the four of us participate? HEY, YAMAZAKI, COME HERE!"

Izumi did. 

"Nice nice. We'll just do passing drills for a bit. It doesn't have to be in order, doesn't have to be perfect—just try to keep them clean."

The worst out of all of us was Kenji by far, but all things considered, he seemed to be pretty into it. Izumi frowned, his eyes following the ball as though this were one of those cup games. Nase wasn't even trying. Should I try? I wish I was naive enough to believe that if I did my best from the bottom of my heart, I'd get good at this again, and everyone would watch in awe as... yeah, no.

"Let's go! You guys are doing great! Aizawa, use the side of your foot. Yamazaki, keep it up. Watanabe, could you move a little bit m—hey!"

Kenji turned to look at whoever it was Nase waved to, so the ball rolled away from him. "Focus," Izumi snapped before chasing after it. I followed their gazes, for who could show up to such a remote place, unless they'd been instruc—

"Do you want to practice, too? Come on, the more the merrier."

—ted to... yeah, I would've known who it was at this point even if I hadn't stared her way. Hanamura lurked at the corner of what used to be an arts and culture building. When talked to, slowly, she unattached herself from it, then jogged our way. I looked away after that. Kenji muttered a hi, which she returned. Izumi greeted her, too. 

So it was five of us now. I knew I was being a little bitch, but...

"Wait, Hanamura, do you play?"

I looked up. She shook her head. "No, just. With. Um. Neighbors."

Nase knew about her status as pariah for sure, but that didn't stop him from talking the way he would to anyone else. I couldn't find him annoying anymore. "Really? That's cool. Maybe you could teach your boyfriend as well."

Never mind. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. If the ball had come my way, I would've shot it at his head for sure. Instead, it went to Hanamura, who not only failed to kick it, but also sent her shoe flying into the ether. She would've tripped had Nase not caught her in time. "Sorry," she said. "I mean thank you. I'm. Be right back."

"I'll go." Izumi went. For the shoe. 

Something swatted the back of my head—Kenji. When I scowled at him, he nudged his chin at Hanamura's direction. "I know," I mumbled. "But didn't you like—"

"No."

"Really? Not anymore, or...?"

"Not after she told me she liked you. I was just kinda... yeah. But anyway, we're just friends. And if you keep acting like this, then the same will happen to you, and Nase will—"

"—steal her." Izumi rolled her eyes. When had he even...? He stood behind us both. "Kenji, please stop saying shit like that out loud. Anyway, Hanamura! Found your shoe!"

She hopped over to us to get it. This time around, it was her to avoid my gaze. "T-thank you."

"No problem. Kenji, come on."

Would Hoshino be mad if she were to find out he, too, spoke to Hanamura normally despite his words? I didn't go after them, instead watching her fix her shoe over and over and over again. Even beyond the mass of dyed hair, I noticed she'd buttoned her shirt wrong. Had no one bothered to tell her that? "Hana—"

"Aizawa-san told me you guys would be here and that I should come as well so that's why I did. Come here. I wasn't stalking you."

"I don't mind, really, but—"

"If you're gonna reject me do it later people are talking to me and I don't want to cry in front of them please thank you."

"Your—"

"Bye."

When she turned to leave, I took her hand. The other three continued the passing drills, close enough for it to matter, far enough for us to talk without them listening in. "What I wanted to say was, your shirt's buttons are off."

"M-my... oh."

I let her go. 

Hanamura turned to face the fence, her back towards the trio, whereupon she unbuttoned her shirt. Right there. She didn't even check if I was looking, which... yesn't. "I can't believe I walked around like this all day... ahh... at least nobody talks to me, so maybe nobody noticed. I-in class, I mean. You guys are nice. Is it good now?" She turned back to me, pushing her hair behind her shoulder so I could... see... better? It was buttoned again, though. Correctly. I nodded. "Good. Now, let's go back to—"

"Wait."

She did.

"...onigiri."

"Uh. Takoyaki?"

"No, you—I have some left. Do you want?"

Since, based on the way she smiled, the answer was evidently yes, I guided her back to the fenced tree. We sat together. I'd always liked the way wind made trees sound like the sea during this season. With this being the literal edge of the school, all the screaming and clattering and yapping receded to nothing. "H..." Hanamura swallowed. "How do you do this? How are they so good? It's like magic."

"Talent," I replied.

She handed one to me, though when I tried to take it, she shook her head. Right. It felt kind of pointless if I was the one to make these in the first place, but sure, I gave the onigiri a bite. Hanamura grinned. More like :3'd. "I can't even use rice cookers," she lamented, muching on the same spot as I just had. She wasn't even trying to be cheeky about it. Like her lifting her skirt or unbuttoning her shirt or acting shy around strangers, that was who she was. If Hanamura the first or the second and so on and on existed... those were still her, weren't they?

I said, a bit loud, for the fake sea could swallow the words: "I didn't care about cooking until a couple years ago. Still don't, kind of. Sometimes it can be a good distraction."

"Would you become a chef?"

"No, thanks. Cooking for all these idiots is tiring enough."

"Hm. Aizawa told me yours is the only real food he gets."

Were their conversations that heavy four days after meeting each other? Well then. Even if they had, Kenji's family life was none of my business, or hers, so I saw no point in talking about it behind his back. "Aside from manga shit, what do you like to do?" I asked.

"I like animals a lot."

Those weren't a thing you did unless you wanted jailtime, but I digressed. "Do you have a favorite one?"

"Yeah. Giant millipedes. Wanna see?"

"Uh. No thank you."

Hanamura took out her phone.

"I said no."

She showed me her screen. "His name is Augustus."

A giant black noodle curled within its confines, and I'd never been more glad to forget my contacts. "Charming," I said, looking back at the trio. "I'm surprised it's legal to own something like that."

"They're herbivores. Unless you annoy them, they won't bite, but they can also throw stinky liquid."

"Piss?"

"No, another stinky liquid."

"Like I said, charming."

"Let me show you anoth—"

"I'm good. We should go back if you're done eating."

"Saku."

That caught me off-guard. I forgot we were supposed to interact on a first-name basis now. 

"Actually. Would you. Just for a moment. Would you please hold my hand again?"

I did. 

There it was, the grin. Her eyes always narrowed a bit when she did it. This was as good and as bad a time as any to say, "I never said I'd reject you, by the way."

"...eh?"

"Yeah."

"B-but you. But. Then. Why were you avoiding me?"

"I wasn't a... okay, fine, I was."

"But why?"

I shrugged.

"I—I thought you'd also started to hate me!"

"I certainly don't."

"It certainly seems like you did, though! I saw you turn around when you saw me the other day, um. In the morning. I also noticed you open my messages, but don't reply, and..." She trailed off. "I know I sound pathetic to you right now."

"...no, you don't."

"No? Okay. Good, because then I'll keep going. How can you go around saying things like 'I care about you' but then ignore people for days? Why did you keep trying to set me up with Aizawa after I confessed to you, huh? You think I didn't notice? Of course I'd think you started to hate me too. I thought Yuki had finally convinced you. I thought that... I just... I'm. I hate being alone. It's not fair. Or maybe it is. I don't know. Maybe. But I still hate it."

"Most people hate it."

"Do you?"

Yes. 

"That looks like a no. It's hard to imagine you hating anything, really..."

If only. "Well, there you have it. Then I certainly don't hate you." I should've apologized. "Anyway, we should work on getting you some friends again. Even if you're not in the drama club, you could... now that I think about it, how come you're not in anything?"

"I'm theoretically in the literature club."

"Good, why don't you—"

"They do hate me." She used her free hand to toy with the hem of her skirt. The other one used mine as a stress toy. "I tried to go there the other day, but they just stared at me until I left. So yeah."

"They suck, then. You should come to the drama club tomo... ugh. Right. Hoshino."

She nodded. 

"But she's lying, right? Why not expose her somehow?"

"It's hard. Also, even if she's not your friend, she's still... acquainted, so, you know..."

"Don't care."

"Yeah, that, too. I don't care about 'exposing' her or anything."

"That's... silly." I said.

She :3'd.

"As you say, I guess. Still, you should come to the theater during rehearsals. They let people in and I'm apparently the vice-president, so if anyone complains, I'll kick them out."

"You're so corrupt."

"And you haven't seen anything y—wait, where did they go?"

Hanamura blinked, looking back at the trio... or where they should be. She then glanced at her phone. She then showed me the time. 

"...oh."

We were almost an hour late to class already.