7 - Hidden Concerns (not really!)

The following days were just a blur of the same things repeating again and again. I'd search for the mystery cosplayer online (to no results, may I add), go to work, come back home and repeat. I knew I was being a major fool, but I couldn't stop myself. I didn't tell anyone about my recent… interesting experience, but even my coworkers had noticed something was off about me. Needless to say, my friends were even more concerned. It was especially suspicious that I was acting all peculiar right after the con. I had looked forward to it for ages, and I had cheerfully reported to them that I had a blast with it. It was most expected that they'd be worried about me…

Which is why, the one to put a momentary stop to my not-so-healthy daily routine was none other than my childhood friend, Riku. He invited me to hang out at a public park that weekend (which was two weeks after the 'incident'), and maybe have a chat with some snacks and drinks at hand. It wasn't very often Riku would go outside without the persuasion of Mayu—which was why I had accepted his offer without any thinking. It would have been even more fun with her around, of course, but she was up to her neck preparing for her term project. As a result, it had to be just us two boys, and who knows, maybe it'd prove to be a lovely and valuable time even without our usual mood-maker around.

My friend, Riku… The best way I could describe him would be that he was quite unfortunate. Of course, he had many good traits to him, he was a very kind, understanding and generous guy. But for some reason, he just couldn't get his life in order, despite all his efforts. He was always a more sensitive soul ever since I had met him, however some things he experienced had rendered him quite… depressed.

Misfortune didn't seem to want to let him go anytime soon.

Nonetheless, I had full faith in my friend that he'd overcome it all, and I was already so proud he was willing to meet up with me outside. He really tended to shut himself in, and it's not like I didn't understand him. Under his circumstances, I'd probably be way worse, knowing myself… So, yeah. I had major respect for my friend.

We had agreed to meet in front of a convenience store nearby the park, so we could get our snacks together. Since he was very punctual, I suspected that he'd arrive way before our agreed time—and so I was right. Despite it being twenty minutes earlier, he was sitting on a bench, looking at something on his phone, possibly one of his gacha games. He had a white hat on top of his short, blue hair and a comfortable and light sweater matching the color of his hair. His pants were quite baggy, yet they felt classy. I smiled. Even if Riku claimed not to understand fashion, Mayu's effect was visible on both of us.

I called out his name gently, making him flinch despite my soft tone. "M-Mattsun? Why are you so early?" I chuckled and gently tapped on his hat. "I knew you'd be early, that's why. Well then, let's head in~"

The colorful snacks of a convenience store never failed to make me excited. Call me extra, but I simply loved trying new snacks whenever possible. All the different flavors, and the special packaging that sometimes changed from season to season, set my curiosity on fire. Riku noticed my shiny eyes and pointed it out. "You're always so excited, even with the smallest things. I admire that about you."

I scratched my neck and insisted it was nothing special, it's just that my nostrils and taste buds loved to be stimulated with all kinds of sensations. This just made him chuckle more, though. He said that as always, I had a very colorful language. "As expected from a talented writer, I guess."

"C'mon, stop now… I'm a mere copywriter and hobbyist dreamer!"

Once we grabbed our snacks and drinks, we headed towards the park. Something inside me told me that we would be having a serious conversation—and if it were just about him I'd be all ears to listen, but the moment the spotlight shone on me, I just wanted to run away… So I decided to savor the currently silent and peaceful walk towards our final destination.

We found a quiet corner inside the park and sat on the picnic mat brought by Riku. I recognized it, Mayu had sewn it around five years ago. Before sitting on it, he seemed to hesitate a bit. Then, he simply threw himself on it, as if he didn't want to perceive it any longer.

I could guess why…

He immediately reached for his fizzy drink and asked "So… How are things, Mattsun?" Oh no. Not yet, I wasn't ready to be honest. I passed the question back. "I'm alright, what about you, Rikkun?" He didn't seem to want to answer in detail either, replying in a similar manner. For that reason, we just sat in silence for a while.

I tried to focus on the lychee flavored sparkling water I had chosen for myself. I had tried it before, but it seemed to taste a bit differently now. Was it from another brand? I started to examine the bottle inside my hands. Riku was looking at the peaceful environment surrounding us. Suddenly, he spoke. "Y'know, if I had any visual talent, I'd maybe try to apply to be a graphic designer." I couldn't reply for a bit, trying to understand why this was suddenly the topic. He explained, pointing at my bottle. "Just saying because you seemed focused on the bottle. Designers choose the colors and typography and all that." I nodded hastily, grasping his point now. "Oh, yeah. My agency has a graphics department too. Sometimes if they need help with typography, I help them out. They seem to trust my sense."

My genuine smile was met with a bittersweet one, immediately making me regret my words. Oof.. why was I talking about my job so happily to a currently unemployed person…

Well, he had opened the topic, so maybe he had some stuff he wanted to share about it.

"Sounds so fun… Both you and Mayu are so amazing and talented." I waved my hands in front of me in panic. "Rikkun is plenty amazing too! You're tall and cool and so kind and… Even play video games so well!" My panic seemed to amuse him, but very quickly his expression was replaced with a pained one. "Hahah, Yuuma. Those aren't traits that land you a job."

Riku was a sociology major, and despite having many fields and jobs he could potentially work at, he could never seem to land any. It greatly puzzled me. He really was a very decent, hardworking, honest guy. But some unfortunate circumstances made him fail his earliest job applications and the gap on his resume just seemed to put off future employers even more. None of it… was his fault. I had landed my job because of an acquaintance of Mayu's, it wasn't like I had any experience or a cool resume either. I couldn't help it but feel a bit… Guilty.

My childhood friend sighed. "Jeez, I know, you feel guilty and like I'm the one deserving of a job instead. Yuuma, what's the point in feeling guilty over something you fully deserved. And this is what I deserve. I must be lacking something, that's all."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out "I feel lacking, too!". He turned his head to me, puzzled. "Lacking? Why would you think that? You love your work, your coworkers adore you, too. What do you mean?"

I could feel my face heat up from humiliation, but I couldn't back away once I stepped into this topic. I took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. "It's… it's not really about my career that I feel lacking about."

"Ah."

He somehow seemed to immediately understand what I was insecure about. As relieved as I was to potentially not having to make any more explanations, I felt a bit bad about how 'obvious' my concern was… I snorted lightly. "And here I thought I was hiding it well." Riku reached for my shoulder and gave it a reassuring pat. "Well, I am your close friend, who knows all your tendencies to keep to yourself when in trouble. Your silence is what gives it away… Even then," He continued with a smirk. "See, it didn't immediately click what you were worried about. If not work… Then it must be a matter of your heart. Speak up, man."

I fidgeted with my hands. The chirping of the birds resting on the trees nearby suddenly started to sound very loud. The sunshine rays peeking from the leaves started to burn my skin. But what was I so embarrassed about? He was right, there was no way I was hiding well from Mayu and Riku. They'd find out sooner or later. So why not fess up now…?

"Rikkun… You see…"

I told him all about my loneliness and how I started to doubt myself, my identity and how I was even unsure about whether I was able to present it to people honestly. This way or another, I was probably 'lacking' so it had resulted in me being like this… God, I couldn't even say the word "single" out loud, as if it were some forbidden word. As if it'd stay true to my identity forever if it left my mouth…

"I guess that's why what you said reminded me of my own situation." I scratched the back of my head, a bit ashamed. "I'm sorry to kinda hijack your own topic." He didn't mind at all, he suspected that his situation wouldn't get any better soon, so if he could at least help me out…

What was there to help about this though, dear Riku…

I refrained from telling him about the more alarming side of my concern, which was basically developing an unhealthy curiosity about some stranger. But what a cool, beautiful and charismatic stranger…

Ah… If only I could find their social media account at least…

"Oooi, are you listening to me Yuuma?"

My thought bubbles popped away and I was back to reality. "A-ah! Yes, of course!"

He laughed at my panicked voice. "I'm trying to cheer you up here, y'know~? Well, I don't know how much advice coming from me would be valid, but…"

Aaargh, my dear friend, please don't go saying such things now…!

"Anyway, as I was saying." He unpacked some crackers and gave one for me to try. As I munched away, he continued. "I know that… you being pretty and all that gets on the nerves of some sickos. And some girls are so brainwashed by gender stereotypes that they think 'a man should be this, a man should be that'. Even I was bullied for having a gentle personality, and I was always one of the tallest boys in class, having a big build. Who cares about them? Who cares about gender stereotypes? Your true love will love you for who you are. Don't go thinking you're not full of charms just because you didn't find a person with good taste yet!"

This way of cheering me up had the Mayuyu blueprint all over. It was almost as if the three of us were connected so much that we formed one solid soul. One who shone with three distinct colors, though…

"Mayu told me similar things before…"

"It's because she's damn right."

We laughed softly. Her presence was so strong even if she weren't here with us.

"I got so proud seeing you in that cosplay, y'know? It's a character you love, and you always liked seeing cosplayers and their pretty outfits and makeup and all that. You have such a powerful accomplice like Mayu by your side, so why not go out and kill it out there?"

I was filled with warmth with the words of support from Riku. We talked a bit more, and seeing how much lighter my expression looked compared to earlier, he seemed satisfied. I asked if he'd like to open up about his circumstances as well, but he simply opened another can of a fizzy drink and said "Nah, I'm good. It's the same stuff as always, and I'm just focusing on beating my depression. So I go help my family with stuff I can handle around the house, and then play games and stuff."

I nodded encouragingly. "Yes, that's exactly what you should be doing right now. Please take it easy and recover nicely~ Great things will come your way!" I jokingly added that he should focus on getting that 5 star character he wanted in his game. He laughed and gently hit my head. "Yuuma, where have you been all this time? That banner is gone and done with already."

Oops… During my era of infatuation with a stranger, I had kinda forgotten about games—I didn't even check mine. "Shoot! It's been that much time already? I should check if there's any new events in my games…"

I hastily took out my phone, and we spent the rest of our hangout discussing our games and all kinds of otaku stuff. It was very… Refreshing.

His gentle gaze set on my smile as I tried to 'full combo' a rhythm game. He asked "You alright now?". As my fingers tried to keep up with the colorful shapes on the screen, I answered with a quick and simple "Totally. Thank you, Rikkun."