April 4th- Reprised

“Did you remember to take your lunch, honey?” Mother said loudly from the back of the kitchen.

“Is it those veg wraps from last night?” I asked. She made a sound in affirmation and I groaned. “Can I just not eat? I am on a diet.”

“Listen lady, I don’t care if you hit puberty or fell in love with someone- but you will have your veggies as you always did.” She cackled as soon as she finished saying that. “God, it’s actually nice to be able to say these things to you now. You were so mature about everything when you were younger. Your father and I wondered if we weren’t the ones being taken care of instead.”

“I was the one who made those veg wraps, thank you very much.” I sat on the second last step of the little staircase that led to the entrance door as I tied my shoelace and rolled up my knee-high socks. It was a dark navy blue. “By the way, is pops up yet? I am pretty sure he told you to wake him up early for a meeting or something.”

“Oh god, you are right.” She ran through the halls of our quaint little house on Brooklyn avenue, her footsteps loud on the white marble floor. I sighed to myself as I stood up and looked at the partially broken mirror near the entrance. I straightened the collar of the white shirt I wore under the blazer-style jacket. Willowby high’s logo sewn to its breast pocket. The pleated skirt I had seen all those years ago, looked the same as they ever did as I wore them now.

The town had changed very little in all these years.

The black loafer I wore felt a bit tight as I walked out of the house and started walking. I walked faster when I heard mother’s muffled shout as she realised I had in fact, not taken my lunch. Sometimes I seriously questioned why I had thought for some reason that having veggies was the way to exhibit how ‘unique’ I was.

The walk by the riverside felt as pleasant as it always did when I would come here on vacations. The sloping embankment leading down into the grassy shore of the river looked greener than usual today. The morning dew, maybe? It hadn’t rained last night anyway. I would know if it did. I was up till 4 am.

Yes, I was running on barely 3 hours of sleep. Why? Well for one- Changing schools and making new friends on the final year of high school was fucking nerve-racking. The other reason was a fair bit more embarrassing. And very weird. Like, how do you even talk to someone you haven’t seen for years but who basically sent your life on a trajectory it would have never gone on otherwise? I wish they had a handbook for that somewhere. Well actually, maybe I could write it myself depending on how today went.

I took a turn onto Mill street as my phone rang out loudly from my bag. Whoops, could have been quite bad if I had noticed that in class. I flipped open the top of my rather antique flip phone to see Lace’s name. That girl simply wouldn’t listen to reason.

“How you holding up, babe?” Lace sounded positively dead even as she tried her best to keep up her usual energy. “You sure you will be okay? I will stay on call with you if you want me to… Wait no, I can’t do that. Ugh, this is the worst.”

“Respectfully, it’s far worse for me.” I replied as a smile managed to escape me. Lace had stayed up with me super late trying to help me figure out the best plan of making a good first impression at school. In reality, all we had done was put together her new cosplay outfit for the games convention happening in LA. “I told you to not worry about me and sleep, right?”

“Yeah whatever, I keep my promises.” She was such a sweetie. A very irrational and I-will-destroy-my-mental-health-to-keep-you-company kind of sweetie.

“Did Ryan agree to dress up as Doom guy by the way?” I asked.

“He’s gonna have to. I am fucking tired of how picky he gets with shit like this. He refused to do our couples’ outfit from the MMO we mainly played last year and I had to return 200 bucks-ish worth of stuff. I am actually going to break up if he refuses this time.”

“Would you really though?”

“Yes!!”

“Even if he offers to take you out to a fancy restaurant?”

“Well…”

“You are such a simpleton.”

“Hey! I don’t wanna hear this from someone who’s behaving like a spoiled princess about meeting her childhood crush.”

“Shut up or I will literally cancel the order for your Isabelle hair band.”

“I will just order it again?”

“Uh, I am pretty sure it was the last one and will get immediately bought out if I do.”

“Okay FINE I am just a glutton, what do you want from me?”

“Your body, if that can be arranged.”

“Babe I would swing that way just for you if I wasn’t in a relationship, I promise.”

“Idiot, I meant I need your body.”

“I don’t think that changes what you said in any way.”

“You could literally down five 6-inch pizzas and not gain weight. What kind of idiotic logic is that? God you are such an idiot.”

“Isn’t me being an idiot completely unrelated to this?”

“Fucking apologise.”

“TO WHOM?!”

“To all the women in the world who are miserably trying to lose weight!!”

“How is literally any of that my problem again?”

“Okay fine, apologise personally to me.”

“Again, why??”

“For having such an idiotic body, what else!”

“Again, isn’t me being an idiot very much unrelated to this whole thing?”

“No, it’s because you are an idiot that you should apologise.”

“Oh my fucking god, I am sorry for being so based that I can eat all the food I want and still look sexy as hell.”

“That’s not an apology you idiot.”

“If you call me an idiot again, I am literally hanging up.”

“Fine! Go sleep for another 5 hours, you idiot.”

“Try and hold yourself together while I am completely ignoring your ass.”

“Bye! Fuck you!”

“Fuck you-.” I hung up the call and chuckled to myself. Lace Wilkins had changed a lot in the last few years. But with me? She was still the same adorably cute (and now incredibly hot) nerd that she had always been. I guess I would try not to think about it too much and go with the flow.

I checked the photo of the google map I had stored on my phone as I took a left onto the rather winding Estli avenue. It curved around and joined the national highway very close to a street crossing and more importantly the school premises. It wasn’t a long walk all things considered, probably another 15 minutes or so. And the weather was really pleasant on top of that. Except for the wind. I was having to hold my skirt down as I walked against it.

It did feel a bit weird to walk around such a quiet town where the only sounds I could hear were the clinks and clanks of the households waking up, the birds chirping and the quiet rush of the river flowing to my left. It felt weird in a way as if the world had all but stopped existing in a sense. Without any of the hustle and frenetic lifestyle I had gotten so used to while growing up in a metropolitan. It felt weird, but it was a welcome change regardless. Moreso because I knew I could take in a deep breath without permanently reducing my lifespan by a year every time.

I saw the elm tree as the street bent towards the highway. It stood tall even after all these years, in that little corner with a lovely patch of fern and moss growing around it. You could see the open fields right behind as they stretched all the way to the riverside. It brought back a wistful memory of a vacation forever ago. Of those days when I used to sit and sketch things all day long. Desperately trying to get better at something I was somehow not a natural at.

The chill of the winds. The barren trees. It was a rather haunted look for such a cosy town.

“You aren’t lost, are you?” I jumped in surprise and slowly looked back. It was a boy wearing a dark-coloured uniform, with a blazer on top. The logo for Willowby high glistening under the Sun.

“I don’t think so? I was just looking-”

“I see. Well, the first period starts in 5 minutes so I should probably run.” Wait what? I had started walking almost an hour early.

“That can’t be right…” I started as I stared at my watch and found that he was indeed right. “Oh fuck.”

I looked up to see him mid-run already. Welp, I couldn’t possibly run in this wind without making a fool of myself so I settled for a brisk jog. There was no way I had spent almost 15 minutes standing in front of that tree and reminiscing right? No way.

I neared the school gates as I heard the sound of the bell ring out. So help me god, I was NOT going to be late on my first day. I wagered all of my accumulated positive karma on my skirt not flipping and broke into a run. Not that I needed to run for very long as I had to slow down amongst the crowd of other students casually walking into the premises.

I quickly realised a big problem however. I didn’t know where my class was.

“You are the new transfer student, right?” I jumped for the second time today. I looked behind me to find a pair of ocean-blue eyes staring at me with a smile. “Prez told me to pick you up yesterday. Said I couldn’t possibly miss the ‘red-haired girl’. Turns out he was right.”

“You are…?”

“Hazel. Not often we get new people transferring in so late so I hope we get along.” She smiled again. “Follow me, I guess? I don’t think you know where the class is.”

“Oh! Yeah. Thank you.” She started walking towards the nearest set of stairs and I followed suit. “Also, my name is-”

“No spoilers! I wanna hear it straight from your introductions.”

“You really remind me of someone I know.” Lace. She was just Lace all over again.

I made 3 theories at the start of freshman year. In the first one I posited that every high school friend I made was a genetic restructuring of Lace. It still held true.

“Were they as cute as me though?”

“I don’t think I should answer that.”

“Ouch. That big of a disparity?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Must be nice.”

“Is it? I have this hypothesis that your stupidity level is directly proportional to how pretty you are.”

My second theory stated that every high school friend I made would get the worst first impression of me. That also still held true.

“I must be really pretty then.”

“How so?”

“I am extremely stupid.” I laughed.

My final theory stated that they would like me anyway. Looking at Hazel’s face made me realise that it also held true. Things were going well, right?

“Is that the new transfer student?” I was prepared for it this time so I immediately turned around to meet them. It took me a moment to realise who I was looking at. Broad shoulders, grey eyes and that unkempt hair he always had. Oh god, it was him.

“Yeah, I was just showing her to class.” I slowly turned around and started walking. “Lily, wait! I promise he’s one of the good ones.”

That’s not the problem here, Hazel! Still I stopped and waited, still refusing to turn back. I couldn’t do this right now. It was way too early and I was extremely not prepared. I heard Hazel talking to him as they started walking towards me.

“You still on for tonight, by the way?”

“Yeah, your place? Are the others coming too?”

“Nah. Just us tonight.”

“Terrifying.”

“Oh, shut up I won’t kill you.”

“That would be merciful.”

There was a smell of ember. Something rancid burning. I could smell it. I started walking slowly as I felt them get closer.

“Oh also, you wanna catch that horror flick I talked about next weekend? It’s been a while since I saw a good one with you.”

“I mean they are budget slashers for a reason usually. You really need more than an iPhone and some cheap CG to sell horror well.”

“I mean, you could also just make it good if you really tried. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Ah yes, the fan-favourite ‘make good movie’ button.”

“Oh shut up.”

That smell was everywhere now. It was burning something fierce. I stood in the middle of a burning field. A hundred chords of memories and emotions tangled on my skin, burning ever so bright.

Their voices became muffled as I kept walking, my pace increasing with every step until I collapsed on the first bench I could find. It was suffocating. I knew there was nothing wrong with it. I knew it was pointless for me to act like this. Maybe they were just really good friends. Yeah. There was no reason to be so upset.

But that fire still kept burning. Noxious. Pungent. Overwhelming.

I saw Hazel rush to my side, a worried look streaked on her face.

I don’t remember what I said exactly. But she walked away after a while. I wonder if she was still worried.

Classes started but I couldn’t pay attention. I managed to nod my head and respond slowly to a few questions. But at some point I put my head on the desk and the next thing I knew I was being dragged back to conscience.

Ah, well I didn’t care anymore. It was one of those teachers. So goddamn insulting and condescending. I just stood there soaking in his insults. Fuck if I cared.

And then I was being dragged out.

I guess it was fine if Neil Grayson forgot who I was. I would just have to make him remember. Yeah, it was better in a way. I could be someone different this time. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to know him. I wanted him to be my muse. I wanted him to keep his promise. But I could wait.

Later, his blank stare of unrecognition met mine. He didn’t play the piano anymore, he said. He talked as if he had never met me.

But it was fine.

My heart could burn a while longer if it had to.

I would make him play one more time.

That was a promise I intended to keep.