Unceasing brightness (fin)

There’s this saying I remember sometimes. It’s not a very uncommon one but if I had a nickel for every time it accurately described my life, I would probably be able to buy a burger. It went something like “out of the frying pan, into the fire.” Except in my case, as I stood in front of Lily trying to convince me to ride Luke’s CBF250 bike, it felt more along the lines of “out of the fires of phlegethon, into the bottomless abyss.” Escaping Hazel’s coffee dunk had been just an appetiser to my night, huh?

“You keep telling me that I know how to do it but Lils, it was just that one time. I don’t own a bike. My parents don’t either.” That was kind of a lie, I had learnt how to ride a bike pretty well when I went to visit my cousins in Milliford. But she would have no way to know that, right?

“I called your mom, you know?”

Oh. Of course, she had. Fuck.

“...What would she say?”

“Nothing much. I just know for a fact that you are bullshitting me right now.”

“Okay fine, I give up. Is Luke okay with letting me ride his shiny new bike though?” The first thing he had done with the money he had got from publishing sales was buy a bike. The world really worked in strange ways because somehow, quite inexplicably, Luke’s book had ended up topping the bestselling charts. He said it might have been because a pretty big ‘booktuber’ had covered his book but it still felt like an incredible stroke of luck to me. Well, I suppose he was really due for a lifetime’s worth.

“Don’t even worry about it.” She said and pulled out her new smartphone. Her extremely clunky flip phone had finally died (RIP) on the 4th of July. Well, it was less that it died and more that it got hit by a stray firework. Long story short, she had been forced to get a new one. “Here you go.”

She put the phone on my ears as I heard Luke’s voice, “Just try to return it by tomorrow, please? Without damaging or breaking it, if possible. Also- good luck homeboy.”

“Good luck? Hey?” I realised a moment too late that it was a recording. Lily smirked at me. “I guess we are doing this after all.”

“Mmhmm.” She said and handed me the helmet. I sighed as I unwrapped the jacket around my waist and wore it again. The night air would continue to get more and more baltic and I did not want to catch a fever tomorrow. I was responsible like that. “Oh right, here’s the keys.”

The beating heart of Willowby still permeated the air as more and more people began to flock into Council rock park. A brook cutting through the rather barren patch of grass and rusty benches. In tight turns and little ridges, in little sharps and trebles. It was weird seeing such a lonely little place so full of life tonight.

I revved the 250cc engine to hear a smooth, high-pitched hum. It purred as I let it idle and looked back at Lily. She had a weird expression on her face.

“What?” I asked.

“No, it’s nothing.” She said as she got on the bike. “It’s just that…”

“Yeah?” I looked forward as I felt her lean on my back.

“You just looked really cool right now.” She said, putting her arms around my waist.

I kept quiet, trying my hardest to stop my heart from beating through my chest. She just said the darndest things sometimes. Lily had never told me where we were going but for a while, I just felt like driving around the town. I didn’t know if it was the sheer adrenaline running in my blood or this intense feeling of being with the person I love, but I just wanted the night to go on forever.

“They are apparently calling you on stage.”

“What for?”

“For the award of exceptional new talent.”

“Oh fuck.” I said as I slowed down the bike. I had to go back, didn’t I?

Lily poked at my stomach, “Look forward idiot, I already told uncle you would be with me. He’s gonna take it for you.” Oh. Well I guess that was that. “Or do you want to go back and get it for yourself? Sorry, I just kinda thought you would feel-”

“No, you are right. It’s fine.” Even thinking about going back up on that stage again was terrifying. I knew this feeling wouldn’t last but at least for tonight, I wanted to be away from all those eyes. “Thank you.”

I drove through the quiet Elm street, the houses slumbering as the street lights flickered. Down Glen avenue, that same New York Pizzeria where I had seen Lily in her casuals for the first time. I smiled to myself remembering the events that had followed it though. It must have been hard for her, to have to meet me with a straight face and hide all of her feelings. And all of that just because she didn’t want to burden me with it. Kind and caring, as she had always been.

“You know you are quite the mind reader, Nels.”

“Huh?”

“You somehow managed to get close to where I was planning to take you. But then again, it would be more impressive if it wasn’t such a small town I guess.”

“I am not even sure if that’s a compliment anymore.”

“It is! Anyway, go straight through Grove street.”

“Yes ma’am!” A chuckle escaped me even as I said that.

“Adorable. Park at the Red lot when you get there, should be pretty much empty tonight.”

“Roger.”

It really wasn’t too far from where we were. In a few minutes, the Copperstown Distillery lay ahead of me. The lights decorating the exterior of its very industrial walls certainly looked quite pretty tonight. I parked at the empty parking lot, painted in a red hue from the rather ominous looking spotlight the Mayor had installed ages ago.

Lily took out her phone to take a picture of the distillery. Being a part of that ‘silly people’ demographic, I flailed my arms wildly in front of the camera until she took my photo first. Then before I could say anything, she grabbed my hand and started walking towards Rock Street.

I remembered the steep slopes of this road. All those bus trips out of town on the NH80 to perform at musical events in other towns had been nothing short of gruelling. Didn’t help that half the time I could hear the passengers in the bus desperately trying to hold it together. Suffice to say that I had seen my fair share of disgusting things.

The road went all the way up to a fairly high ridge and wrapped around itself towards Hill street. We walked slowly, our hands clasped. Our breaths laboured as the incline continued to grow steeper. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten to ask where we were meaning to go, but it didn’t really matter anymore.

It felt like forever before she stopped. Right at the turn of the road. She hopped over the road barrier into a bit of dead grass and shrubs. She looked at me from the little spot that extended from the otherwise evenly cut elevation. I sighed and followed suit. She moved past a big thicket of grass and I followed. My eyes were pointed down as I came out the other side. I looked at Lily standing still beside me, her mouth slightly agape.

I looked ahead to find the town of Willowby stretched out, as far as my eyes could see. The bustling streets of Leatherstock street, still busy from the influx of people in the White House Inn and Landmark Copperstown Inn. The Quehenna Avenue, a mess of people and cars as people left the town or joined the big party at Mel’s. I could even see our little homes in the distance, lit aglow by all the little lights. And in the distance, the picturesque coastline occupied the horizon. It looked like an ethereal boundary as it shone a brilliant blue and white.

Lily squeezed my hand and then smiled. All the pain I had seen on her face all those months ago- none of it remained. It hadn’t been easy getting to where we were now. To smile that freely, to be so vulnerable around each other all the time. That intense want to get better at anything she did, it fueled me in the same way it did her. The only reason I was able to perform today despite everything, was because of her. All those days at the workshop, as we struggled and persevered in our own little bubbles. Those memories were warm.

But so were all those times when we bashed heads and lashed out at each other for reasons sometimes justified and sometimes not. That fierce drive to do something within us was quite the double-edged sword. It was truly a miracle that we had both still stuck together, in spite of it all. Seeing her emerald green eyes shine like they do now, her real smile as evanescent as a summer ghost, her vividly red hair fluttering in the cold breeze- it made it all worth it.

“You really do have a knack for finding spots like this, huh?” I said as she sat down with her feet in front of her. The ground was a coarse bit of sand and stone which was a bit uncomfortable to sit in. But then again, it was a far better option than sitting on the frankly wet grass.

“Mm, it’s more of a side thing, I have been doing a fair bit of bird watching since coming here. Just so happened to find this place a few weeks back.”

“Right… bird watching… And what kind of birds have you seen around her?”

“Well, there’s the flirty kind that always travels in pairs. I did spot a few of those last morning around Beaver Street kissing like the world would end if they stopped.”

“...” I stared at her. She pretended to not notice.

“There’s also the audacious third-wheel kind, flocking together and screeching like crazy. They annoy me the most personally. The kind you would see in a rave-”

“Wait, no. Stop right there.”

“What? You just told me to elaborate.” She looked at me innocently.

“What kind of twisted birds are you watching in the sky?”

“Who said anything about being in the sky?”

“Are you sure you aren’t just a pervert?”

“Rude! I used to do this all the time back in the city. Just go on a rooftop somewhere really high up and watch all the people below. There’s so many stories being told all at once. It’s kinda overwhelming. In a small town like this though, it’s so much easier to just vibe with all the little things.”

“Such a hopeless romantic.” I said and smiled.

“You thought I had far more twisted intentions, didn’t you?”

“You did phrase this as ‘bird watching’ for whatever reason.”

“Do you know how difficult it is to observe the right group of ‘birds’? Let me tell you, it’s the exact same in practice.”

“I sincerely doubt that but you know what? I am choosing to not care, this one time.” She turned towards me, a look of shock on her face.

“Earth to Neil Grayson? Is this really you?” She tried to pinch my nose but I dodged.

“We have played this game far too many times, Lils. You are not getting me this time.”

“Fine! Have it your way.” She said as she crossed her arms across her chest. “Only a pathetic loser doesn’t let his girlfriend touch him.”

“You are quite literally free to touch anything else.” I said aloud, even as a flush of heat rushed across my cheeks. The implications, Neil!

“Well whatever.” She whispered as she decided to put her head on my shoulder. I looked at her for a moment, a peaceful look on her face. I put my hands around her shoulders as we lingered in silence. At some point, the ending ceremony of the function came to a close. We didn’t have to hear it to know. We simply saw the vista that lit up the sky.

Exotic fireworks in a frankly majestic show of lights and sparks. Is this why she had brought me here? Looking at her grin at me confirmed as much.

“The Brocade Crown.” Lily whispered pointing at the spider-like lights. “They use extra glitter in it to make the tails more pronounced.”

“I didn’t know you were into this sorta thing.” I whispered back.

“I dabble in the sciences.” She replied. A cheeky tone in her voice.

“For an idiot, that’s pretty impressive.”

“Wow. You really called me that, huh? Fine! Literally going to not talk anymore.” I laughed as she puffed up her cheeks. Another firecracker lit up the sky, this time a cluster of them bouncing off of each other.

“I am sorry! But there’s a reason I called you that, you know?”

“Hm?”

“Only an idiot would fall for someone like me.” Her cheeks turned a bright pink as she turned away from me. Another set of fireworks lit up the sky.

“Crossette. Notice the cross shape? It’s actually a single comet that breaks off into multiple ones. Pretty ingenious design.” She pointed out as she finally decided to look at the sky again.

The next one looked like a shoal of fishes in the skies glowing and flashing in a burst. “That’s the Crackle. The gold lace visual effect is pretty novel but the snaps and crackling sounds is why it’s called that.”

She went on for a few more as the fireworks kept bursting into the skies with renewed splendour. The Chrysanthemum, aptly named after the fireworks that resembled the flower of its name. The silver dragon, a beautiful stream of dragon shaped gold laces that flew into the night sky. The strobe, the peony, the whirlwind and the dahlia. At the end of it all, there was the Willow.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” She asked. It was more than that. The willow tree, golden and tall, shone bright in the sky. Its golden trails- so very delicate. Something to be cherished in the few moments it would last. Soon the lights faded out and the night sky settled into its comfortable darkness. The smell of charred wood and metal faintly filled the air as the wind started blowing westward.

“You worked on it, didn’t you?” I asked.

“Well, it wasn’t just me, the engineers did a lot of work figuring out the mechanisms and actual mathematics of it all.”

“Not my question, Hoover.” She just sighed and nodded. “You are really downplaying the fact that you worked on creating something so damn spectacular. Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise!” She replied exasperated.

“I am pretty sure they advertised the light show at the end as much as they could to make people stay.”

“Okay fine, it wasn’t supposed to be a surprise. I just-” She paused for a moment as if weighing her words. “I just wanted you to focus on your performance.”

Somehow that single line from her lit something within me. I couldn’t wait anymore. Not a single moment longer.

“I love you.” I said out loud. Like it was nothing. So utterly casual.

“...”

“I.” A pause.

“...”

“Love.” Another pause.

“...”

“You.” I laughed. It felt so effortless to say it. Made me feel so very safe.

I looked at Lily Hoover, a hilarious expression on her face. I suppose I hadn’t been very careful, saying that twice in a row.

“Too effective?” I asked her. She nodded. “Well I guess it would be, huh?”

“I guess…” She said softly.

“Say again?”

She grinned all of a sudden as she lay down on the ground, pulling me down with her.

“You know for months I had been thinking how it would feel for you to actually say it.” She turned towards me, her eyes twinkling in the dark.

“Me too.”

“I thought I would be prepared when it actually happened, you know?”

“Me three.”

“I was prepared to lose my cool and say something stupid. Hell, maybe even do a stupid dance. But like, I really didn’t imagine myself getting absolutely annihilated like this.” I laughed at that.

“I am glad.” I said as she stared at the night sky, the ambience of the town slowly making its way back into my brain. It really had felt like the world had just stopped for a few moments.

“I know.” She said, wrapping her fingers around my hand. “But I love you anyway.”

“So do I.”

Fireworks burnt the brightest in summer. But the ones that burst in front of me that night would stay with me. Seared into my heart. Etched into my very soul.

At some point we got lost in the streets of Willowby. In that high school party Luke had called us over to. Lakefront park looked awfully pretty that night. Under the stars, as the couples danced around the bonfire to the lovely tunes of the local band.

The night was still young after all.

When the sun began to shine, we lay in each other’s arms. A grin on our faces, with just a touch of mischief. Our journeys had barely begun, I realised.

It wasn’t easy to like someone.

It was harder to care for them.

It was harder yet to love them when you don’t love yourself. But you do.

Because when you find someone that brings out the best in you.

That’s special.

Special in a way that you wanted to cherish forever.

Special in a way that you never wanted to let go.

I parted Lily’s hair from her face and kissed her.

And I never wanted to let her go. Ever.