To sing one's heart out

‘Oh… I see.’ He looked down at the remaining three pieces, now lacking their luster.

‘I’m sorry. It felt dishonest to not tell you at this point… And now I ruined the mood.’

‘No, you didn’t.’ He set the watermelon box aside. ‘Hey, I have an idea. What about you tell me your most precious memory?’

‘My most precious memory?’

‘Yeah, something that makes you smile.’

‘Let me think,’ she wandered off, making Dave relax a tinge. ‘I think it’s when I was four. My dad took me to this little Christmas event. I don’t remember much, only that each kid had to stand upon a chair and perform something to deserve a gift. You know, recite some poetry, dance, sing a song — anything, really.

When I stood on that chair and gazed upon the people, I knew I wanted to make them listen. And I sang. I have no clue what, probably made up a song on a go and went on for ages. Just pouring my heart out. And they clapped. Oh, they clapped so much,’ melancholy lingered in her voice like a nascent butterfly.

‘Singing is really important to you, huh?’

‘Yeah… It has been. Although now when I’m trying to take it seriously, things don’t seem to go anywhere. Perhaps I should forget about it and focus on what matters.’

‘What do you mean it’s not going anywhere?’

‘You will laugh at me.’

‘I won’t.’

‘How would you know that… Well, if you’re that curious, I’ve uploaded a cover of a song.’

‘Really? You never said or shared.’

‘Of course not. I’m quite embarrassed about it. Much easier to upload a faceless cover with a random name. But yeah, it was a stupid idea. I’ve barely got any views at all and the only comment is a guy criticizing me. It’s still feedback, and he’s not wrong. I suck.’

‘Well, I highly doubt it. I’m not just saying that. It can’t be bad considering your commitment. Speaking of which. You promised you would sing for me. Perhaps give me a chance to get my own opinion.’

‘Are you sure about it?’

‘Why wouldn’t I?’

She paused. ‘Just so you know, I am shy and embarrassed. So be gentle with me, okay?’

‘I will be, I promise. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.’

He closed his eyes. Was she climbing up on the bench? It sounded as if she was higher when she started a voice warm up, giving it a good stretch. His lips curled in satisfaction at her diligence. Then silence. The scent of hydrangeas wafted through the air as a warm summer breeze cradled his hair. He could almost hear his heartbeat.

‘One… Two… Three… Four…’

And then words of chaos spilled out. An unheard language, yet it resounded in his heart, gripping it with might he didn’t know existed.

Imperfect, yes — some notes were slightly off key, her voice struggled to carry the intensity. But it was a raw reverberation of Emily’s soul. Her voice flowed with each deliberate breath, bending voice through nuanced turns. Turns through a hope born of bitterness and loss, tender acceptance of moments passed and unreturned.

Upon her final note, he realized the reality had slipped from him for a moment. He should’ve said something, anything, yet words fell short to explain the feeling he harbored. Her feet shuffled around, hinting her descent from the stage.

‘Dave?’

‘I’m r-right here.’

‘Was it that bad?’

‘No, not at all.’ He shook his head sprightly. ‘I think… I’m moved.’

‘It’s okay, you can tell me if you didn’t like it. I’m quite aware it’s weird. The language, the style, the level of emotions — it’s not your usual song.’

‘It did take me by surprise, but I think it just added to an effect. And your emotions, they got to me.’

‘Did they..?’ she whispered.

A slight whimper caught his ear. Could’ve misheard. Perhaps a stray? But no, the whimpering intensified until it broke into a waterfall of sorrow. Something irrevocably broke in her. The more she tried to contain the cries, the more they pulled her back in.

‘I’m such a fool… You know the worst of it all? When I uploaded it, I naively believed that perhaps I’m good. Perhaps someone will notice me. Perhaps… I could live off by singing. Then I wouldn’t need to leave. We could continue playing, meeting here… Can you believe it? What an absolute brainless moron I am. Who am I? Some entitled prodigy? No. Only the most ridiculous clown of this world,’ she bawled with hatred in her voice.

‘Don’t say these things…’ he wanted to cheer her up, but what was there to say? The lump in his throat expanded, eyes welled up.

She sobbed like a defenseless child. It came straight from her soul, the drenching hopelessness. ‘Idiot. How did I end up this way?’

He had a million things to say, yet none of them could describe the feeling brewing inside. It was an urge to draw her into his arms, let every fiber of his body transfer the care and tenderness he had, easing her pain.

‘But I could… couldn’t I?’

He stood up, heart rate going over the healthy limit, making him dizzy. But he shook it off. The whole three meter journey towards the gap seemed to outstretch beyond what made sense. Yet he pressed on, fueled by his urge to quell her shattering.

As he crossed onto her side, he saw her — a sight that stole his breath. There, surrounded by bushes and hydrangeas, a pink dainty girl sat, her nose bright red and cheeks wet from the tears. She hugged her knees tight, locking her widened eyes with his, halting the cry.

They could’ve been frozen there for a second or several minutes. There was no telling. Then, her surprised face contorted back into a sorrowful expression, lower lip quivering, eyes squinting with dew.

He took a step forward, and she lunged with her outstretched arms to him. With an open embrace, he received her as she grasped his body tight with all her might.

‘You came… Why did you come?’

‘This is the least I can do for you. And I want to do it while I still have the chance.’ He etched every strand of her presence into his body, breathing in her scent.

She pulled back, stars reflecting in an ocean of tears. ‘Perhaps the real idiocy of me is overreacting so much to make you do things like this.’ She chuckled weakly. ‘I promise I will get myself together. I won’t give up. I won’t disappoint you.’

‘And I will be there with you every step of the way.’

With a quiet parting of her lips, he fell into a stupor of an early summer spell. It was so silent, only a duo of heartbeats.

‘One, two, three, four…’

Feeling the warmth of her breath, he closed his eyes. In the darkness, the light danced inside him.