Pun Detectives and the Case of the Missing Music! (Part 4)

Only problem was I didn’t know where I was going. Frankly, I was out of my element. I’d hardly set foot in the East Ring since it opened last year. The fact that the whole “grandpa’s face” thing weirded me out was only half the reason. The other half was that me and sports were about as compatible with each other as me and sports. Oh, sorry. I couldn’t think of a pairing that went together worse than me and sports, so I just repeated it. But it just went to show you: sports and me didn’t mix. I was about the worst athlete you could think of. I couldn’t catch a ball unless it was with my face. I couldn’t dribble unless it was red down my chin after having caught said ball with my face. You get the picture.

I delved further into the building, awed despite myself at the enormity of the complex and the sheer amount of individual courts, both for practice and real games, therein. There were basketball courts, tennis courts, volleyball courts, handball courts, racquetball courts, and kangaroo courts, as well as courts for all kinds of off-the-wall sports like sepak takraw, no-contact aikido, zero-g botany, pogo stick racing, competitive hula hooping, underwater ice fishing, flaming frisbee, ostrich jousting, and floor-is-lava obstacle courses. I couldn’t even begin to fathom how half of any of those worked, and something told me that, kind of like our famous marching band, most of them didn’t.

And being impressed by grandpa’s biggest and most absurdly expensive pet project yet wasn’t even the worst of it. Even more annoying was the fact that investigating without Lily kind of made me feel like I was walking around naked. Me and her had become a solid team in the short time we’d known each other — and that was the problem. Technically I was the detective and she was the detective’s assistant, but sometimes it felt like it was the other way around. I hated to admit it, but without her, I was kind of lost. Figuratively, of course.

That was when I realized I was actually lost.

Great.

“Damn,” I muttered. Would it have killed grandpa to commission some signage for this place? Where was this stupid pool anyway? Worse, I noticed I was back at the entrance, right back where I started. Had I just been walking in circles this whole time? Spinning my wheels?

I sighed. Well, this just about hammered it all home, didn’t it? And the nail? Me. Rusty and useless. If Lily were here, we’d probably be talking to Vance already. Hell, we’d probably be done talking to him. Like it or not, and I definitely didn’t, I had to admit: without her around, I really wasn’t worth much of anything.

I started walking again, still not sure where the pool was. I was hardly even thinking about it anymore though, let alone thinking straight about anything. I was busy kicking myself mentally for having come to 👉depend👈 on Lily so much. Especially with how much of a nuisance she’d been lately. Take earlier this morning for instance, and how she’d gutted my cactus book without even bothering to ask. It was going to take forever to find another copy for a good price.

Not to mention how she’s apparently known how much of a complete dweeb I am around girls this entire time and just kept quiet about it. God, I hated that. I didn’t think I’d ever live that one down. I almost wished she’d been making fun of me for it or snickering behind my back just like everyone else.

Just as I was coming up with a good way to bury myself alive so as not to let the social grave I just couldn’t seem to stop digging for myself go to waste, I stumbled into the pool. Literally into it. To spell this out as clearly as possible, I fell in. Always watch where you’re going, kids.

“AaAAHAhHahgaghahHGAGHAhHAhJKKrakkakfj;skjjlkzdbfkjdsjkfdsb!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!! I can’t swim!!!!!!!!!! I’m drooooooowwwwwniiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I flailed my arms and legs wildly, trying to stay afloat. Chlorine invaded my nostrils and a few mouthfuls of water washed down my throat with a chemical sting. Through the thrashing and the spray, I heard the rapidfire patter of bare feet on wet tile, and then a splash.

“Quick! Reach out your hand!” a voice called. I stretched my hand as far as I could in its direction.

“No, no! Other way!”

Other way? If you say so…

This time I reached as far as I could away from where the voice was coming from…

…and touched something cold and smooth. My hand scraped over it, and then my feet met it too. I stood up and looked around. The water was barely up to my knees. I was standing on the shallow side.

Standing next to me was an annoyingly good looking guy, the source of the voice. He was wearing a competition swimsuit that clung tight to his toned legs, coming to a stop just above the knees.

“Uh… hey,” I said. “You’re a swimmer, right? You wouldn’t happen to know where I can find Vance, would you? Vance Valiance?”

The guy flicked a damp bolt of hair from his eyes. His mouth unseized into a smile, revealing two shiny rows, milky white, perfectly straight, and sparkly enough to eat off of. “You’re looking at him.”

I kind of wished I wasn’t. Or at least that I had some sunglasses or something. Everything about this guy, from his looks to his personality to his voice, was, in a word, shiny as hell.

Wait, that was three words. Well, just went to show you how much blindingly painful radiance he was emitting. It was a shine that those of us at the bottom of the social hierarchy seldom saw. I bet if I changed the light bulb in HQ and screwed him into the socket instead, we’d have some actual decent lightning for once.

Well, Vance and I got to talking. If he felt any qualms about shooting it with a bottom feeder like me, he didn’t show it. I could tell instantly why everyone liked him so much. He was one of those guys who would always give you a fair shake, whether you were the most popular kid in school or Wallace Wade. One of those guys you couldn’t hate if you tried.

He was ticking me off already.

We waded out of the pool. Why our school swimming pool had a shallow side to begin with was beyond me. And beyond everyone, probably, besides the old loon who had commissioned the thing. I wondered how they even held swim meets here, what with the inconsistent depth.

I had more important problems to worry about at the moment though. Namely, getting some answers out of Vance.

But before I could even really introduce myself, he asked: “Hey, aren’t you that Wallace Wade guy? The pun detective dude, right?”

“What? Oh. Uh, yeah. How did you know?”

“You’re all over social media. See? Here.” He brought me over to a bench by the side of the pool. His stuff was laid neatly atop it. He whipped his phone out of his bag and showed me his social media feeds, and sure enough, pictures of me and Lily were on there, attached to comments like “These two are investigating the puns at school,” and “Anyone seen them around lately? They’re detectives I heard?”

Not to mention all the posts about how Lily was way out of my league. Or the ones about how much of a lame cringe weirdo I was. Or the ones about how I should just worm my way into a hole and die already.

Wait. I guess I did just mention them. Shoot.

“Didn’t you know? You’ve been getting all kinds of famous.”

“Uh, yeah. I guess you’re right.” Was he missing an “in-” there? As in “infamous?” Either way, I hadn’t realized just how much conversation there was around me and Lily. But I guessed that came with the territory of barely using social media. I had a Twitter… err, X now, I guess. But I only used it to check video game news.

“Well anyway,” he said, “what can I help you with? I take it you’re on one of your investigations? Without your maid friend this time, looks like.” He slipped his phone back into his bag and grabbed a towel to dry off with. He tossed me one too even though it wasn't going to do me much good. My clothes were soaked through.

“Something like that…”

I explained the situation, making sure to pay close attention to the look on his face when I first mentioned the disappearance of the violins. It was surprise. It wasn’t overblown or exaggerated either; it was slight. Vance didn’t strike me as the type of guy to emote very much.

“So… mine’s gone too?”

I nodded. All the violins were missing. His included. I continued explaining, obviously leaving out my suspicions of him. I just told him I had come here to ask him some questions and see what I could find out.

I shouldn't have bothered. He saw through me right away. “You probably think I did it, don’t you?” he said with a sigh and a self-deprecating smile.

“Huh? Oh no, it’s not like that…” Damn. Was I really that obvious?

“You don’t have to hide it. Come on. Follow me. You can check out my locker and some other places. I’ll show you I’m not hiding anything.”

The end of Pun Detectives and the Case of the Missing Music (Part 4)!
To be continued in Part 5!