From the Vault - "Awakening"

A/N: The following is from the original Just East of Eden, which was written about five years ago by this point. This chapter is probably my favorite from the original set of writings, and it's been posted here with only minor edits. You can see here the genesis of several themes and concepts (for better or worse) I've continued to explore - and the following chapters will probably make more sense with this bit of backstory. Thanks everyone for reading.

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“So I was telling her,” Jackie explained, eyes red, “That a straw has two holes, I mean, it’s obvious.”

The car was parked on a big hill in East Eden. Lucille slouched into her car seat, staring intently at the driver’s seat in front of her.

“How do you feel, Lucille?” Fran asked, her own eyes red.

“It’s like you said,” Lucille said at a much quieter noise level than usual. “I feel pretty fine, just chilling.”

“I didn’t expect to ever hear those kinds of words out of your mouth,” Jackie said, laughing. Regina, in her own world in the front seat, nodded in agreement.

“Usually I love talking, but right now, you know, I feel just...wavy,” Lucille said, for lack of a better word.

“Same here,” Fran agreed. She slouched in her seat too.

The parking lot on that East Eden hill was at such an elevation that you could see the skyline of the big city in the distance. The sun had set; the four sat with the night sky above them, watching the lights in the distance.

“I haven’t been to Boston in forever,” Fran mumbled.

“You should visit more often,” Lucille said. “My mom works there, so I go visit sometimes with her.”

Jackie clapped her hands. “Idea time,” she excitedly said, looking at the pair in the backseat. “We can drive to the city right now.”

“We can?” Fran asked.

“Well...” Jackie said, for a moment wondering if she actually could.

“What’s stopping us?” Lucille asked.

Even Regina tilted her neck to look. The four all made eye contact and realized that there was nothing stopping them from doing anything. In the definition of spontaneity, Jackie began driving towards the highway.

“We’ll take it easy, since I don’t drive in Boston a whole lot,” Jackie explained as her car turned onto the highway. “We’ll go through the tunnel, cruise for a little bit, then follow the signs back out.”

“It’ll be busy on a Saturday night,” Regina said softly from the passenger seat.

“We can take our time,” Jackie answered.

“The joy is in the journey,” Lucille said cheerfully, sipping on a 7/11 slurpee.

Jackie nodded in agreement and pushed down the pedal as the highway opened in front of them.

Fran wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but the speed of the highway was slowly getting to her. She looked at Lucille, who was happily staring out the window, watching passing green signs and headlights. Sometimes Fran wished she could be more like Lucille. Sometimes the world just felt so...heavy.

The car slowed down. Fran initially felt relief, but she soon realized it was because they were driving over the city's largest bridge, where the majority of cars going into Boston merged into a single expressway. Seeing all the white and red lights, imaging the bridge swaying beneath her, Fran brought her palm to her face, struggling to maintain herself.

“You alright, Fran?” Lucille asked with concern.

“Yeah, just a little tired,” Fran said, not sure if she convinced herself, let alone Lucille. But Lucille was a good enough friend to leave well enough alone when the situation called for it.

The car entered the tunnel. A mass of cars packed underground, not good for Fran. Fran imagined what could go wrong, because she imagined that a lot, imagined how if things went wrong, everyone would look worse upon her. She shuddered, leaned her head against the side of her seat, and closed her eyes.

“Hey, Jackie, can you lower the roof window?” Lucille asked after finishing the last of her Slurpee.

“Good idea.” Jackie pushed a button on her car console, and the window on the roof of the car began retracting, allowing the sounds of the city into their car. Fran kept her eyes closed.

“Hey, hey, Fran,” Lucille said, shaking Fran gently. Fran didn’t want to admit it, but feeling Lucille’s hand on her shoulder made her eyes open.

“Yeah?” Fran asked, but suddenly she saw Lucille pointing out the windshield. Fran looked forward and saw it: the city itself. There it was. The biggest metropolis she’d ever seen, several times the size of East Eden and any of the suburbia that surrounded it.

The tall skyscrapers of the financial district surrounded them. Fran saw lights, heard music, but above all else, felt the sheer amount of humanity that was present all around them. Fran didn’t want to admit it, but she always did feel a little lonely, worrying what people thought of her, but now, she realized she was part of the great mass of humanity.

“This is great!” Lucille exclaimed with a huge smile. Jackie nodded along, and even Fran smiled, the sick feeling slowly receding. Regina found a good song on Jackie's playlist.

Jackie tapped along to the beat on the steering wheel while Regina nodded with the beat. Both Lucille and Fran smiled at each other.

“Hey, watch this!” Lucille told them. She suddenly unbuckled and stuck her head out of the roof window.

“Lucille!” Fran said. The Miad cousins simply laughed in the front.

“Cops have more important problems than a couple of kids sticking their heads out of the window,” Jackie said, content with letting Lucille do Lucille things.

Fran watched Lucille smile into the autumn night, her brown hair flowing into the wind. Fran liked seeing Lucille smile. The sick feeling was mostly gone.

Lucille lowered her head and looked at Fran. “Your turn!”

“Me?” Fran questioned. She rubbed her eyes. “I...I don’t know about that.”

“C’mon!” Lucille said with excitement. She extended her hand out to Fran.

After a moment, Fran nodded, smiled, and took her hand. As Lucille lowered herself back into her seat, she helped Fran upwards.

Fran’s head emerged above the retracted roof. She was immediately greeted by a blast of cool October air, and her hair covered her eyes. She reached up gingerly, but then confidently, and pushed her hair out of her face.

All of life was there to greet her.

Under the cover of the night sky, as she watched the buildings, streets, lights, and people pass by her, Fran took a deep breath. She felt a peculiar sensation rise inside her; she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but the realization dawned on her.

“Hey, Lucille,” Fran asked from above the roof. “You ever have the realization that you’re alive?”

Lucille gave her an honest smile. “Every day.”

Every day. Fran hoped the realization she made today would be made every day as well.

Her hair continued to flow behind her. Fran wiped away a single tear from her eye, but she couldn’t tell whether it came from sadness or happiness. Probably both.

Fran closed her eyes, happy with life and herself for the first time in forever.