To Murder

I stop walking. Killed? Me? I was murdered by this Hangman person?

“But—”

“You’re alive?” Grat interrupts. I nod. He beckons me forward. We walk on.

Grat continues, “I suppose victim would be more accurate since you survived. He got the nickname Hangman because he always strangles his victims with rope, and you still have faint bruising around your neck. He also robs them, which would explain your lack of anything but clothes. And he either dumps his victim's bodies outside the city or somehow lures them out, then kills them. No one's really sure on that point, but again it matches where we found you. All this to say, we think you were Hangman’s most recent victim, and the first one to survive.”

Grat pauses. Gives me a chance to process this new information. I probe my throat. Find a tender patch that circles my neck. Rub it gently. So I didn’t just wander outside the city and get myself sun scorched. Didn’t nearly kill myself. Didn’t just lose my memories. It’s all Hangman’s fault. Everything was taken from me. My possessions. My memories. My important someone. Maybe if I kill Hangman, I’ll get them back. This last thought startles me. Am I a more violent person than I thought? Would I really kill Hangman given the chance? I don’t know. But the way I’m feeling right now — angry, violated, vengeful — I think I might.

I open my mouth to speak. No words come out. I don’t know what to say.

“This must be a lot to take in.” Says Shuri. I nod. She strokes my head consolingly.

“I’m sorry to overwhelm you, child. This must come as a shock, but we thought you needed to know.” Grat says.

“I’m— okay. I did need to know. Thank you.” I say. Really, I’m more shocked by my murderous impulse than by the news about Hangman. But I refrain from mentioning this.

“We thought it best to tell you before we returned to Hellonde since Hangman is a popular topic of conversation right now. He’s causing quite a lot of trouble, you see. And I don’t just mean because he’s killing people, causing fear and panic. The politics around Hangman have derailed the focus of the summit. Remember how we explained that we’re in demon territory right now? And that there are many races and several powerful nations represented?”

I nod.

Grat continues, “Well, consider for me this. Say Hangman is a human, and he kills a merfolk. Once he’s caught, how will he be punished? Do we follow the demon laws because this is their territory? Do the humans take him because he’s human? Do the merfolk take him because a merfolk was killed?”

I consider it.

“ … The demons, I suppose. Since this is their land.” I figure.

“A reasonable decision, and a sentiment many share. But some don’t agree. Suppose we add more claims to the pot. We get a complex mixture of nations, alliances, vested interests, races. All with valid reasons for being the rightful one to deal out justice. What then?”

I say, “Hmm— I don’t know. No matter who takes him, everyone else would worry he wouldn’t be punished severely enough. Or perhaps too severely, depending on their stance. Being here in the first place means he might be a delegate, making it more difficult. Ugh— I don’t know. I guess he needs to be caught first. Or maybe it would be easiest if the killings just stopped.”

Like if I kill him myself. Another unbidden murderous thought. It startles me. Seems I am more violent than I realize.

“Yes, and some would accept that. Peace, even without justice. But now you see how complex the Hangman problem is. A problem which you are now unfortunately intertwined with. And the longer it goes unresolved, the more people die around the globe. Which is why I volunteered to help catch him.” Grat says.

This surprises me. I had the impression Grat was gentle. Not the type to hunt down a murderer.

“I thought you were a farmer.” I say.

He chuckles. Says, “Yes, but I’m big, burly, and mean looking. May as well put it to use.”

“I don’t think you're mean looking.” I say automatically.

Grat laughs. Deep and hearty.

“You’re quite the endearing little elf!” He says. He pats me on the back, jovially. Knocks me flat on my face. I rise, laughing. Brush the dirt from my dress. Rejoin Shuri and Grat, who’s being scolded by Shuri.

“Is that how you found me? You were outside the city hunting Hangman?” I ask.

Shuri answers, “Keen insight. That is indeed what we were doing. And as you know, we did a poor job. I’m sorry we didn’t come sooner. If only we’d come sooner. You wouldn’t have been hurt, wouldn’t have been sun scorched, and wouldn’t be—”

Dead? Her voice cracks before she can finish. But I feel sure she was going to say dead. I’m still confused. About a lot of things. But I’m almost certain I’m not dead. I’m breathing. My hearts beating. Not dead.

Grat wraps a thick arm around Shuri. I look up at him for explanation.

“I’m sorry child. She didn’t mean you. We lost our youngest daughter to sun scorching. The similarities between how we found her and how we found you, it’s— uncanny. It’s not your fault, of course. It just unearthed some painful memories, is all.” Grat says.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I say. Dumbly. Is that all I can think to say! They lost a child! They saved my life! Yet that’s the most I can say? Can’t I think of anything else? I’m so useless! I want to punch myself for being so stupid.

We walk in silence for a while. The sun is rising. I finger the sunguard around my neck. Shuri created this. To protect from sun scorching. But her daughter died to sun scorching. Wheels turn in my brain. I think I understand. Shuri created the sunguard because her daughter died to sun scorching.

I say, “You really are amazing, Shuri. You made this sunguard, saving who knows how many lives. Including mine. You came to this summit. You’re working alongside the smartest people in the world. And most of all, I know you’re an incredible mother. Your daughter would be proud of you. I know I would be proud to have you for a mother.”

Before I know it, I’m wrapped in a furry embrace. I try not to grunt from the rib cracking force. When I’m finally set down again, I’m soaked from tears. But I don’t mind. Shuri has the brightest smile. I smile back.

She says, “You sweet little child. Thank you. If you never regain your memories, I would be happy to adopt you.”

I smile at the thought. Learn farming from Grat. Learn to make sunguards from Shuri. Live a peaceful life with these two sweethearts. Doesn’t sound too bad. But I know I can’t. Someone out there needs me. And I’m going to find them. No matter what.

I say, “Thank you, Shuri. That would be the happiest life. I’m sure of it. But I have someone important I have to find. They're out there somewhere. I can’t remember them yet, but I know they need me. And I have to find them.”

No matter what. I promise to find you. My important someone. My dearest. My beloved. My Cara. This word takes me by surprise. It comes to me on instinct. I know it well. I’ve said it often to my important someone. It’s not her name. But my nickname for her. Latin for beloved. I smile. Tears creep to the corner of my eyes. My Cara. Wait for me. I’ll find you.

I wipe my eyes. Shuri does the same. She nods sympathetically. Says, “I understand. I remember you saying ‘she needs me’ before I treated you. Whoever this person is, she’s lucky to have you. You sweet, amazing child. Just remember that we’ll always be there for you. No matter what. If ever you need help, you can count on us.”

I know she means this. I feel so lucky she and Grat were the ones who found me. Endless gratitude floods me. I hug Shuri. Bury my face in her fur. Can’t help the tears that spill out.

“I don’t mean to rush you.” Grat calls from up ahead. “But the sun is up, and one of us three is without a sunguard.”

I give Shuri a final squeeze before releasing her. We join Grat at the crest of a hill. The three of us stand side by side. We gaze down at the city below. Stretched out before us is what must be Hellonde. A remarkable city on the sea. Buildings taller than a main mast. Four distinct landscapes flank its sides: ocean, beach, forest, plains. Numerous tents hug the city wall. Creating a second city unto itself. From the tents to the sea, everything hides from the sun. A vibrant quilt covers the city. Canvas, flags, banners, tapestries, anything to block the sun is strung up across every street and alley to act as sunshades.

I can’t help but smile with excitement.