7-9 Monkey, Naming things, Isolation

#7 Monkey

My avoidance to evolution made me avoid monkeys to a pretty big degree.

I used to learn japanese words from one mobile app. Later I stopped with it and uninstalled the app for the sole reason that they used a monkey avatar to give you thumbs up. Were they doing it so they show me that monkeys are our predecessors and highly intelligent with the possibility to evolve to understand our language, in other words saying “evolution is a valid possibility/solution”?

Definitely no (confidence 99.5%)! Did the monkey in the app made me have intrusive thoughts and think the aforementioned until I lost my mind? Yes!

Another example was me not giving a chance to ubuntu linux because they had orangutan on the background.

Even though now it might sound silly, at the time it was giving me way more anxiety than I could handle. I felt strong fear that it would change my beliefs.

#8 Naming things

In one of my worst time I was avoiding references to reality in my creation as I was scared of doing so.

My reasoning was that if I use a reference it could create a lie, as I created something called “grass” in my game while it wasn’t real grass.

Another problem was that if my game would be tainted by something evil it would dishonor god as I used references to his creation.

At the time I was working on a game and was trying to come up with my own plants, materials, etc… I also didn’t want to use existing names to avoid references. Each time I made a name I first checked on google translate and sometimes google itself to see if a word like that or something similar sounding doesn’t exist.

After doing it hundreds of times I got an ability to make names that have no real meaning but sound fine.

#9 Isolation

During the time when I was making the game mentioned in #8 I also isolated my process of making the game from everyone else.

I did not show the game or mention it to anyone. I did not ask for advice and instead googled my problems when making the game. I did not show any things related to the game to anyone. I pretended I had no experience in things I got experience from working on the game.

This was happening during social distancing(Covid) and besides the game I was also cutting social contact with other people I knew.

I didn’t show the big project I was working on to anyone because I was scared of losing it. Contact with other people meant it could be influenced by “evil” idea and I would have to shun it to maintain purity.