10-12 What noone sees, Demonic shrine, Vampire

#10 What noone sees

I was raised in a cult of Jehovas Witnesses and was regularly attending their meetings. I found problems with their belief system but everyone else seemed to never notice anything.

Forexample we were told that we can fully trust god and that he is also omnipotent with unlimited power and intelligence. This statement contained a contradiction that I never saw anyone point out ever.

If something has unlimited power and intelligence you can’t discern if it is lieing to you or telling the truth, this contradicted that we can fully trust him. Lets say you can fully trust him, then you can trust that what he said about himself, that he is omnipotent is true, but this once again contradicts the base of my statement that you can fully trust him.

There are some other things to note, mainly that you cant trust anyone 100% either way, because you can’t see inside their head.

Being surrounded by people who always told me things like that and expected that I dedicate my life to their cause, while they all seem ignorant to reality led to a lot of pressure and distress. Critical thinking was discouraged by the cult and people were expected to conform.

#11 Demonic shrine

After questioning religion, reality and everything I ever knew, trying to rebuild my collapsed belief system I was visibly depressed on the outside.

My mom was complaining why I was always depressed and suggested that I might be influenced by demons and stop with anime-related stuff for a week as she deemed it the cause.

I stopped with anime for a week as I was getting desperate for help. After that week I started avoiding Japanese shrines, be it games or anime. I also stopped showing my real emotions nearly completely after this but it got even worse later.

This was first of many event’s that would destroy my identity, what I loved and make me do things I hate by blaming innocent things and protecting what should have been blamed. (magical thinking, cults beliefs, twisted realities)

#12 Vampire [OCD]

One of the things cult forbade was drinking blood or blood infusions. As I drifted to the extreme end I became extremely cautious of blood.

Getting cuts and small injuries was very stressing. I stayed cautious of them until they healed. When eating with small cut on hand somewhere, I made sure to not touch the food with hands or parts of utensils I touched. At the time I was also cleaning hands after literally everything, as you can guess my blood avoidance was worsening the situation.

I had a habit of tearing of scabs when in stress pretty much from childhood, I often did it unconsciously. After I started avoiding blood I felt anxious from it and always needed to clean my hands after. Alongside that I felt the need to clean surfaces that I touched with blood on my hands.

In that point in time small injuries were causing me a lot of anxiety even if normally I wouldn’t care.