Two Hearts Beat in Favor

After all of the action I’d seen in Pride, my clothes had been well dyed by my fallen enemies. Having risen from my soak, I’d traced way to my room to settle a few matters before my meeting with Hyla. There on my bed was every article I’d worn into the Sin.

Given the amount of grime I’d taken on, I’d have expected that it would be a hard sell to so simply wash it all away. Though Juna had taken it upon herself, I couldn’t shake a small seedling of guilt for having left her with such a tast. And despite all of that, there they rest, completely free of any and all of the filth that had marked them.

I think to go and express my gratitude to her, but the previous encounter we’d had holds my heels. I let that idea go and reason that I could speak with her tomorrow when my feelings have had some time to settle.

Before I can get on my way to Hyla, there’s a knocking at my door. After I speak clearance, a woman with long, adorably pink hair is steps inside.

“Hello, master. I hope that your bath was refreshing. I’ve come with your meal for the night.”

“You have my thanks, Jupa. It turns out that I’d forgotten to eat for nearly the entire day. I could really use something right now, even if eating so near to bedtime may not be the best choice.”

“Of course, it’s all my pleasure. Mercy may have a word for you if you make skipping out on meals a habit.” She giggles cheerfully. “Lady Hyla had informed me that you should finish your meal first before your check up.”

“It’s past 10 so I’d best not leave her waiting for too long. I’d imagine that she’d like to be sleeping soon.”

“You are very understanding, master. If all is to your liking, I will take my leave so you may enjoy your meal at your leisure.”

“Before you go, I do have something else that I’d wish to have your help with.”

“What may that be?”

I twist away from my desk to face her with my full attention. The curiosity she has in her innocent smile makes for quite an adorable pairing.

“I know that you’d given it all that you could to care for Juna during her hardest time. You’d prepared meals for her did whatever was possible to help her find comfort. I’d also come to know that you’d found a bit of resistance on her part.” The heaviness of the thought pushes a deep sigh out from my chest. “I’m not so dense even if I may act the part. Juna… has been abrasive with you, to put it lightly. I apologize for her actions.”

“It is the place of a servant to do as their master wills. By serving her, I serve you. And I’ve already made it my task to assist you about your duties. It goes without saying that I too desire to serve all of the maidens.”

“It must be difficult receiving such animosity. I’d wanted to give my thanks. You’ve been so kind to her in spite of how she’s been conducting herself lately.”

“It’s fine. It’s all in the service of a maid. I’ve handled more difficult tasks many times before. It’s a paltry matter for me and I care about her well being.”

“…I know how she’s felt about you. I’ve known how she’s felt this entire time.”

To my admission, Jupa only stands silently, waiting, knowing that there’s more to my thought that I momentarily struggle to verbalize.

“She isn’t happy to know that there’s someone who has spoken of marriage with me. It offended her that you’re as focused on caring for me as you are. I’m sure that much is obvious.” I watch her closely and she sends me an elegant nod to show her attentiveness.

“You’d come into the manor at a difficult time for her and I believe that had factored into the way she sees you. Paired with everything and then my… injury, she’d found it simplest to put a heavy burden onto you whether or not you’d deserved it. You’ve had great patience all this time. All I could ask would be that you’d continue forgiving her.”

“I do and I will. You are a very gentle soul and a kind master. But my intuition is telling me that there’s more you wish to tell me and right now you’re timid to do so. As your servant, I’m here to listen to whatever you’d wish for me to hear.”

“You’re right. Although that was a part of it, there’s much more on my mind. Something I’ve long had troubling me. For such a very long time.”

“May I sit here?” Jupa gestures towards my bed at the side of my desk.

With my approval, she lightly tucks her dress beneath her legs as she plops herself down upon it. She knits her fingers together and makes herself look as disarming as an adorable porcelain doll.

I agonize myself to walk the fine line of precision. Seeing just the right words, seeking to at last let free the pressure I’d had in my chest for years. I come to wonder to myself if there would be a better person to seek the counsel of than a woman who had already spoken of her love to me so clearly and unreservedly.

But I can’t last a moment longer, I feel like I’ll go insane if I were to try lasting a single day more as I’ve been.

“Juna… loves me. She’s had those feelings for a long time. I can’t even remember when it had started. Or at least when I’d at first realized it.” I breathe out and take a small glance towards her painting hanging up on my wall. “But I’m worse. I’m a convoluted mess on my own. I’ve always worked to be as knightly as I can be and to carry the appearance that I have it all figured out. But inside I’m a wreck.”

I choke on the way, my legs waiver while I walk the tightrope of my own emotions. Trying not to fall either here nor there but to keep going on the most painful admission I’ve made up to this point in my life. All the while I fight against the gales of guilt that threaten to shove me off that narrow pathway.

“…I love Juna.”

“These feelings had been growing inside of me since we’d first met. When I’d first laid eyes on her, when we’d chosen to be partners on that first training day, it had felt like a moment that was meant to be. A moment that was written before I had even been born. Like destiny.

“My heart raced at the sight of her even then and I’d wondered to myself why I’d felt so anxious with her around. It all grew and grew until the day I’d realized how far in denial I’d forced myself to be.

“When I’d woken up from this incident long ago, it all became clear to me. Rescued from drowning in a river, I remember how wet my clothes were and how hers had wound up every bit as damp as mine. I could never forget the way she’d looked with her wet hair while she stared down at me, her eyes full of tears. At that moment when she’d saved my life, I was devastated to know that I couldn’t fool from myself any longer.”

I look to my plate of food, still attempting to keep myself from saying the strongest feelings that have tormented me. But I brusquely grab my resolve and look Jupa directly in her eyes so that maybe with another witness I will no longer run away.

“I was in love with her. I’d fallen in love with her. But… But…” I falter on that tightrope yet bare down and catch my balance again to continue with the next step.

“But I was afraid. I was terrified. There’s something wrong with me that I can’t say. Something that I could never see as lovable and so I’d always made excuses for myself and lived by them. All so I wouldn’t have to face the way we’d both felt for each other.”

I take a handful of my shirt where the pain echoes most sharply. I feel it pulse within me with each heartbeat. Not only the pain of the scar anymore, but the pain of my aching heart that has endured holding all of its truest feelings inside, managing to keep itself from bursting underneath the immense pressure.

“There are so many times Juna had wished to be more. Times where she has attempted to confess her own feelings to me. But I would always sabotage her on purpose. I’d act like her voice was too soft for me to hear it or that something had taken my attention away. Maybe I’d quickly change the subject, maybe I’d interrupt her or make up an urgent matter that didn’t exist.”

Jupa continues watching me closely, meeting my eyes without a fault in her gaze. She listens so intently, silently telling me that I’m not alone.

“I could never say it myself. I couldn’t let her love me like that. That’s what I’d always said as I’d felt that my faults, the way I am would never be good enough. That she’d be making a mistake if she were to love me. And if she had confessed, I would have broken without a way to escape from the inevitable I’d felt would come.

“And in this way, I’ve told the greatest lie of my life. I’d lied to myself that I could go on living this way when I love her. When I love her so much I want every bit of who she is. Yet I couldn’t imagine giving every bit of myself to her. Because when I do, I find myself being reviled. That she would be sickened.”

The words spill out at long last and another person has heard the truth. The painful, bitter truth that wounds me as a second scar invisible to the eyes. And I relent, I repent of myself and fear that I’ve spoken too much. The guilt of my words feeling like another curse waiting to be brought down upon me.

I’d spoken all of this to the one who had been so blunt with their own feelings.

“It’s been so very obvious to everyone this entire time.” She gives her response which comes with a humored giggling. “Even if I had been introduced after you’d both had your troubles, I could see it in everything you do, Khiron.”

“What?” All that I can say as I’m given a major shock.

“It’s no secret and you’re both bad at hiding it. All of us maidens can tell clearly the feelings you two have for each other. It’s every little thing you two do together, the way you talk about each other, the way you carry yourselves. You couldn’t hide it if you’d tried.”

Despite the severity of my own feelings from our conversation, she laughs lightly to herself.

“It didn’t matter if you’d ever confess those feelings to any of us, we were already more than aware. But I suppose that’s enough of that. What I have to say about all of this is that I’ll do whatever I can to help you, master. I’m your servant, after all.”

“To help me?”

“Yes.” She nods with cheer. “I don’t know what it is that’s kept you all this time, but I think it’s about time that it comes to an end. I think you two belong together. So whatever I can do, I will.”

“But, Jupa… Your… well, your confession.”

“Polygamy is legal in Celestia, don’t you remember? I’d expect you to know that much of the law since you’re an honorable knight. Even if it isn’t practiced nearly as much as in the past, there are still cases all around the kingdom. In fact, in my family polygamy is the norm.”

“I’m sorry, this is all sudden so I’m thinking I’m misunderstanding what you’re trying to say.”

“Did you know that Mercy has 12 mothers?” Jupa leans in towards me with a cheeky smile on her face like a school girl spilling a rumor. “She has family from each of those mothers as well. So her family is quite a large one. One day she’d decided to live another life and so she’d been off on her way as she is now. That girl has always been the type to be open to talking about most anything if only you’d ask. It’s not a secret, I just suppose you’d never really wondered.”

“That can’t be right.”

“It is and you can ask her yourself if you’d desire it.”

“I’d… You’d have no reason to ever lie to me and… But that’s besides the point. I’m still thinking that I’m assuming a bit too much right now with what you’re saying.”

“Well then, let me keep you from playing dense and putting yourself into denial again. Let’s get you out of your self denial once and for all.” Her cheer and sunshine only brightens with a cute flushing of her face. “Juna can be your first wife and I’ll help you to have her. But someday you’re going to marry me too. That can be our little deal. I love big families and I’ve always wanted one too. Talking with Mercy reminded me of that dream of mine.”

“…I hope you don’t mind the fact that I’d never once had anything in my life prepare me to answer anything like this…” My face is as hot as fire, my mind is spinning.

“That’s all fine. I already have the answer I need.”

She stands to her feet and leans herself on my desk to come closer to me. Only mere inches away, her eyes are innocent and loving as they lock with mine.

“I love that you love Juna. And I look forward to the day you’ve finally given yourself your own happiness.” She places her hand upon my cheek and plants her lips on the other. “Enjoy your meal, sweetie. Thank you for trusting me with your heart. I’ll take good care of it.”

With that, she dismisses herself and lets me be. Then and there alone to myself, I’m left to piece together my mind. I take a deep breath and begin to eat.

And while I enjoy the meal she’d made especially for me, I begin to question my past choices all over again.