Chapter 7:

Chapter Seven: Denial

Stupid Maid Boxing Prison

How?! Ruby thought, her mind racing. How is Star-Anis here, of all places? She closed her eyes, trying to make sense of everything. All lines of enquiry traced back to the same culprit. It has to be that P.O.S Goddess and her schemes. Urgh! Of course she would pull something like this.

“Ehhhh?” Callie said, as a wicked smile crept across her face. “You’ve been staring at that picture for a full minute.”

Oh crap! I zoned out!

“I was just wondering…ahhh,”

“Hey, I get it. You dig chicks now.”

Ruby’s went wide-eyed. “Yes and no, but yes.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s cleared up.”

How can I explain being a 2000 year old dude? If people found out I’d be tossed into Desert for good. Come to think of it, if I tell her I’m 2000 years old, she’ll think I’m a Vampire or just plain creepy. Think-think-think! Oh no, I’ve gone blank!

“No, I…er…was surprised to see Elves exist.”

Nailed it.

“What are you talking about?” Callie said. “Half the realm belongs to Elves. You should know, you’re one of them.”

Ruby blinked.

“Back up a little bit,” She said, laughter mixed with disbelief. “I’m what, now?”

Callie pulled a strand of hair over the girl’s long, pointed ear.

“Let me ask you, when’s the last time you checked yourself in a mirror?”

Ruby thought back to when she arrived. There was only one time she did catch a brief reflection, but the long hair covered her face, so it wasn’t exactly a thorough inspection. Then Callie burst through the doors and dragged her into the main block; followed by a bunch of stuff with Hal, forcing her to live outdoors for months on end.

Even looking into the knife gave nothing away, since the blade was so small.

Ruby sighed, her body sagging.

“Not long enough, it seems.”

“Well surprise! You’re an honest to goodness Elf.”

“Weird, I don’t feel very Elf-y. So what did I do to end up here?”

“I said before, you have to ask the Warden. Rumour has it’s got something to with your ‘Klementieff’.”

Ruby nodded, pretending to pick up on the reference.

“Oh that? Pfft! I mean, it’s a bit overrated, like nothing really. The big C. Old Clem, as we call it. The number of times it’s got us into trouble…phew-wee! I can tell you stories.”

“Klementieff’ starts with a ‘K’, Numbnuts.”

“Yeah, I should have just bluffed it.”

“Well, it’s a big secret in the Elf world, so good luck pulling that thread.”

“Just not my year, is it?” Ruby said. “First this then the other thing.”

“What’s the other thing?”

“Before I woke up, I think I used to do something with my hands.”

“Like a Carpenter?”

“No more, like ‘whooosh!’” Ruby said, pushing a hand out.

“A window cleaner?”

“How is that a window cleaner?”

“I don’t know, you could be holding a sponge.”

Ruby turned away, frustrated. “You are never cleaning my windows.”

“Speaking of which,” Callie said. “You might want to get yourself cleaned up, because…damn.”

“That bad is it?”

“The back of your ear is like a Slip n Slide.”

“A simple ‘yes’ would have sufficed.”

Callie pushed her away. “Seriously go! You smell like Dogs and campfires.”

***

Still somewhat hurt by the Assassin’s comments, Ruby found the shower block more occupied than she would have liked. Upon seeing the rampant nakedness of her fellow inmates, she quickly turned away, face flushed red.

If it was up to me, this place would be all mosaics. She thought, before taking a deep breath. Strolling in, her gaze was fixed to the floor. No eye contact, no eye contact. Act natural, act natural, you’re just like them. One of the giiiiiirls. Chilling out after a hard work in the Gyyyym. Wait, what are you doing? STOP WAVING! WHY ARE YOU WAVING?! Crap, I was too casual. I really hope no-one saw that.

After finding a vacant stall, Ruby turned the shower on and reached for the soap.

Pausing, she felt uneasy, even more so than usual.

Does this count as sexual harassment? I mean it’s not my body, but I can’t let it stink the whole time I’m here. Cursed Goddess! She knew my morals would take a beating. I bet she’s laughing. Ruby slapped herself. Focus! Not important right now. If I can avoid the chest area, I should get away with a clean conscience. She began to chuckle wickedly. Hehehe! Look at me, I’ve found a loophole. Eat a bowl of Ducks, Goddess. After scrubbing both arms and legs, her hand moved toward the lower torso, when she stopped dead …and squealed.

“I thought that was you!” Came a voice from behind. Ruby squeaked, before turning round to find a petit blonde woman smiling back. It was a genuine smile, like from an old friend. Except this one was naked. “I’m so glad. When Hal took you, I was afraid I missed my chance.”

“To take me?”

“No silly, to catch up.” The woman said and wiped a tear. “Yes, I’m aware of the policy about not hugging in showers…”

Oh God, no!

“…But when we heard you were dead, it was like a kick in the gut.”

That can still be arranged.

Another voice came in from the side, belonging to a brunette with piercing blue eyes,

“Hey, what’s going on here?” She said. “Oh wow, Ruby’s back!”

She was joined by two others, a Goth looking woman and one with tattoos all down her arms. The women were all smiles and unashamedly exposed to the elements.

Eight. Ruby thought, closing her eyes tight. I counted eight.

***

Relieved to back in her old Maid’s uniform, Ruby and her new friends gathered around a table in the common room.

It turned out the blonde’s woman was indeed an old friend, by the name of Georgia, and had been using Ruby’s talent for lock-picking to break into supply rooms.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember.” Georgia said, somewhat confused. “Even though you work for Mademoiselle, you still find time to help others.”

Sounds like something I would do. Oh crap, Mademoiselle! I get the feeling I should check in; she might think I’m avoiding her. Which I am! So…good instincts, lady.

Georgia got a second wind of peppiness and balled her fists in excitement.

“I have an idea!” She said. “Why don’t we all tell you our back stories? The combined time would be exactly 22 minutes!”

Urgh, I smell filler material.

“Before then, the best thing we can do is to re-introduce ourselves and give you the best Hip-Hip-Away welcome!”

“Do what now?”

“I’m Paula!” The brunette said, standing up. “Point-woman And Utterly Lovely Always!”

Yeah, that’s something other people are supposed to say.

“I’m Roberta!” The Goth girl said, standing up. “Research, Observation, Bento’s Equipment Report, Tactical Analysis!

This is worst Cheerleading squad. Wait, Bento’s?

“And I’m Chris…!” The Tattooed girl said, standing up.

If it’s short for Chrysanthemum, I’m taking a walk.

“…Critical Hits, Recon, Infiltration, Sadism!”

Wow, that last one took a turn.

Standing together sideways on, all four women posed with finger guns and yelled in unison:

“Weeeeee’re…The Escapers Club!”

The performance ended with a cheer and double high-fives.

It was then, a sudden realisation flashed in Ruby’s head; one she hadn’t picked up on until that point

Maid uniforms, happy poses, finger guns. Are you seeing this? These chicks are a frickin’ Idol band! She felt like crying. Best. Prison. Ever.

“And you!” Georgia said, pointing like a lead singer. “You are an honorary member, but never wanted to dance with us.”

The other three synchronised sad faces.

“Yeah,” Ruby said. “That sounds like something I would do. Or not do.”

“Since you’re back from the dead, why not try it?” Paula asked. The three remaining women nodded eagerly.

“Remind me again, what is this club thing?”

Georgia smiled and sat down, followed by the rest.

“The Escapers club,” She said. “Every week we make flyers and posters advertising our latest escape attempt. When, where and how. It’s a fun for all the community.”

Ruby nearly bit her lip.

“You advertise…when you intend to escape?”

“Yup!”

“And yet – shocking I know - you’re still here?”

“We always get caught!” Chris said, genuinely upset. “It’s infuriating and doesn’t make sense.”

Ruby smiled weakly. “I’m sure it does, if you give it a second.”

“You’re right,” Roberta said. “There could be a mole among us. It could be an inside job.”

A gasp rose among the other three.

“Roberta, no!”

“I’m just putting it out there.”

Way out there.

Suddenly from nowhere, a loud crackling sound filled the room outside.

To Ruby’s surprise, none of the people around her seemed the least bit phased; almost like it was an everyday occurrence.

“Oops, they got another one.” Paula said. “Hey anyone wanna do a puzzle? I’m in a Jigsaw mood.”

“Yes!” Georgia said. “But make it a 300 piece, the 500 ones take too long.”

“Well, they don’t if we start in the morning.” Roberta added.

Chris shook her head. “I don’t want to spend all day doing a Jigsaw.”

“I’m sorry; you got a bus to catch?”

“I might!”

“HEY!” Ruby said, still bewildered. “What was that noise just now?”

Georgia looked up from her colouring book.

“Oh, the ‘All-Seeing-Eye?’ ” She said.

“I think she means the All-Seeing-Eye.” Roberta said. “Hey don’t get the Cheesecake puzzle, some of us were drooling all over it.”

“Some of us…or one of us?” Paula said, smirking.

“Like you weren’t!”

Chris shook her head. “They just put it there to taunt us.”

“LADIES.” Ruby said, barely containing her dismay. “What is the All-Seeing-Eye?”

“You never noticed the black domes in the ceilings?” Georgia said. “They’re Magic prevention devices. Any Mage who tries to sneak in or teleports a buddy out gets zapped.”

“Annihilated.” Roberta said.

“Absolutely incinerated.” Chris said, looking for edges.

Ruby went silent. Deep in thought.

“Something the matter?” Georgia asked.

“I don’t know, When you mentioned magic, I got shivers.”

“Obviously nothing to worry about or you’d be dead again. Permanent this time.”

Ruby heads for exit. “I have to go.”

Taking an immediate right, she slams up against the body of Helga Bearmonger.

This day can only getting better!

“I smell desert on you.” The woman said, staring down.

“That’s something a person might say.”

“The Ursina Sahara tribe, we do not get along.”