Nothing Gonna Work

Every day feels like a dream to me. Day by day, Yui slowly opened to me. I feel happy that she finally can become honest with although she is only show this side where there are only both of us.

“Haruna, did you think I am bit harsh with that new girl earlier?”

“Do you mean Yuki? Yeah, I think you should use a better word next time.”

“I thought so. I just want to say that without strong resolution, you should reconsider to become an idol just like another trainee who had come here before. I don’t want to lose this group.”

“Me too, Yui. With Yuki’s addition to our group, we will debut, I think.”

“Yes, and you still not forget our promise, right?”

“Our promise. I hope we can realize it quickly.”

“Of course! We will form subunit and perform MiMi’s song! It will be awesome, right?”

“Yes!”

After we debuted, I did not expected that we would become such a successful group. I really hope that all of this can last longer. Raina-neechan, did you see all of this? Your cute little sister had done her best right? But that sweetness will be gone soon. Our group has been involved in many controversies that caused our group to start to crumble. Weird enough, my name has been involve in the syndicate that I don’t know even were happened in our company. I feel like I have been set up by someone. Fortunately, my name was cleared after insufficient evidence was found but some media reported to me that I have been punish because some of evidence are pointing to me that showing me that I have involved in the syndicate. I feel so mistreated! The group finally disbands. Ana said she will participate in several of modelling audition, Yuki will having her solo debut with new label, and Yui still recovering after accident before. Meanwhile, I am still lost. Every day, I have received several hated comments for my involvement in the syndicate before. I am trying to explain that I am not involve and my name has been cleared in that case because of insufficient evidence. I guess that is not enough to stop them from criticizing me. Then, some people said that I am the one who does not contribute enough to the group. Yui is good dancer; Yuki is good singer and Ana as our visual. They pointed out me is unnecessary as I don’t have any special point or talent.

“Haruna, why are you so pale?”

“It’s nothing mom.”

“Really? I sense something is happening with you. Can you be honest with me?”

“It really nothing, Mom!”

I don’t realize that I shout at mom. My mom is so surprise with my unusual behavior.

“Sorry, mom. I don’t mean to shout at you.”

I quickly entered my room after that and locked the door.

What really happened to me? Why does this happen to me? I don’t even want all of this. Lying on my bed, looking at my room’s white ceiling, I thought that my future would become brighter than that ceiling. I guess my life now is not different than under my bed, so dark that I can even know what I am grasping right now. What I have done until now, all of it is useless.

“Takahashi-san, what’s wrong with that movement? I can’t call it a dance! Do you think you can become an idol with that skill?”

“I will try hard, teacher!”

“Are you kidding me? You should realize that you don’t have any talent for dancing. Your footwork is also so bad that I can’t even know how to repair it. I want you to practice again until perfect, only then, I will let you have your lunch.”

“Okay!”

A few hours later.

“Teacher, I am ready!”

“Let me see your dance then.”

After I show my dance…

“Look! You haven’t even improved since earlier and it has become worse now! Continue your practicing again!”

“But I’m so hungr-“

“I don’t need excuse.”

What I endure until now, is meaningless.

“Takahashi-san, can you even singing? Since earlier, I have notice that you always singing without following the right key. Can you put a bit effort?”

“Okay!”

“Takahashi-san! I have said sing properly and follow the beat and the key! Why didn’t you listen to me?”

“I’m sorry! Let me try again!”

Now, look where I am. In this room, without doing anything that related to idol. I feel like I have waste my time for something that does not even benefit me. Raina-neechan, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can become an idol after all. My life is done.