CHAPTER 3: SOME ANECDOTES ON THE GREAT DUCAL HOUSE OF RUBINFORTH

Well, it certainly connected the dots.

“…”

Honestly, it had been a while since I have last seen Her Holiness after the royal dudes from Nerfes had left. For one, I’d become busy searching for work in the town of Arles. And another reason was, I felt I have no right to meddle too much in the Saint’s personal life. Her best friend, Lily, was with her, so I thought the head maid’s presence was enough for her.

Plus, come on! I’m an outsider to the affairs of this world. I barely know of the people here, save for a few in Arles and inside the palatial gardens.

But yeah, Lily herself confessed she could not prevent Her Holiness from what I think was called ‘binge eating’.

“…”

I knew little; however, given the Saint’s circumstances, it must’ve had some connection with what happened between her and Nerfes’ second prince. After all, one characteristic of people suffering from depression was having a significant change in their appetites—either they won’t eat, or would always want to eat. As for Her Holiness’ case, she had been indulging herself with sweet things like chocolate cakes. She always had Jessica prepare an entire chocolate cake for her at least once during a set of three meals.

Yeah, I know that chocolate is a great stress-reliever, but still…

“…”

Anyway, so the Saint started gaining weight, and her dresses got smaller as her body expanded. Add a sedentary lifestyle, and she would indeed have something to whine about. Top that with shrinking self-esteem, and that’d be the reason she slowly retreated from the public eye, contrary to her usual, conceited, self.

Heh, like I was one to talk though. Back on Earth, I was also the same. Stressed out from my usual work routine, I’d always took the time to stop by my favorite convenience stores, and order any food that caught my eyes…and sometimes, I’d go back for more ‘till I felt bloated and satisfied.

Fortunately, I did some activities, so I maintained my weight on average…

“Ah, Kuro…I don’t know what to do anymore,” Lily confided to me as we walked down the hallway; her eyes looked as if she was about to cry. We decided to leave Her Holiness’ room for a while, taking the chance to talk about the problem they’re facing right now.

I couldn’t think of anything to say at the moment. Her Holiness should be able to function normally as before; but based on Lily’s words and from what I saw back in the cathedral, she had been hiding away in her room for too long. The Human Saint was quite conceited, especially with her looks; and I could tell that she won’t let herself be seen by others with her appearance now.

Not that being fat was a bad thing. I mean, look, I knew some individuals were genetically ‘big-boned’—or their body build goes to the ‘big’ range. It’s natural, and one couldn’t help it if it’s a matter of DNA. However, it was a different matter if it’s because of excessive eating and an inactive lifestyle.

Not only does it lower one’s self-esteem, but it’s also unhealthy! It’s not a surprise that back in my old world, many people die every day due to weight-related illnesses.

“Hrmm…if only that stupid Simon didn’t break Maddie’s heart, this wouldn’t happen!” Lily couldn’t hide her frustration as she stomped her feet while walking around.

“Err…I think Sir Simon did the right thing,” I tried to placate the Head Maid, as well as defend the second prince’s actions a little, “At least, Her Holiness’ fantasies were dispelled by his act. It’s better this way than we keep on our pretensions.”

“On a second thought, you’re right,” Lily nodded. I was getting the feeling that she didn’t think of her answer that much, but I guess this was fine in its way.

“So, I’ve been thinking of ways to help Her Holiness…” I carelessly muttered.

Lily turned her gaze on me, and it was filled with expectations. Please don’t be like that. I’m just a human, not a genius of some sort.

I could tell that the Human Saint was still depressed over her heartbreak. And hey, it’s pretty much normal. Heartbreaks were painful emotionally, and it was hard to get over with, especially if you expected much from the person you love. And since you couldn’t dictate to a person on how and who they should love, it’s a ‘hopeless’ situation.

Okay, so it was indeed hopeless, but what should be done in her case?

Think, Kuro, think…

“…”

Heartbreak…heartbreak…heartbreak…

“!!!”

“A break…”

“Huh? Excuse me?”

“A break!” I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, “Her Holiness needs a break!”

----------

A break.

Back in my old world, we had a lot of terms for this matter. Words like ‘vacation’, or ‘leave’—which were further subdivided into ‘sick leaves’, ‘birthday leaves’, and ‘vacation leaves’—permeate the corporate world in which I was once a part of. But no matter what term we may call it, the one thing that remained true was that it was a much-anticipated event for any over-worked employee…or for anyone who wants to take in a breath of fresh air.

“I can’t understand?” Lily’s face was puzzled. I could tell that her head was full of questions.

“You see, back in my work, I had this co-worker of mine who suffered a heartbreak after her longtime lover left her,” I explained to her, “She can’t function well with her duties, so our boss gave her a time off.”

“You mean, Maddie will not be a Saint anymore?”

“Well, you could say it’d be like that, but only for a temporary duration.”

“But…” Lily was having her apprehensions, “It’s not that I’m against the idea, but who’d take care of her duties as a Saint?”

“She should leave someone who could be trusted to take over some of her easiest responsibilities.”

“Oh…” the Head Maid seemed convinced, “That seems plausible.”

“Indeed, it is,” I replied, “Let Her Holiness do what she usually does in a fresh setting. Or do some extreme fun for a while. Whatever it is, have her take an ‘active’ vacation; not only it will help her recover, it can also give her an ample amount of exercise to trim her body back to her old figure.”

Yep, I’ve thought of that. Going through a heartbreak could lead to a drastic change in how a person lives her life. As for the Saint’s case, she went on an eating spree, which caused her body to expand, exacerbated by her sedentary lifestyle. And, as if that’s not the worst yet, having your body change into something you don’t like was something that could bring you down further into depression.

And well, we couldn’t blame people for the way they behaved. We’re talking about sadness and depression here, and binge eating was one of the common—though not correct—way of dealing with what you’re going through, for most of the time. I mean, look, who wouldn’t want to chomp down on that delicious chocolate cake when you’re down?

Even I will do the same!

“Alright, I guess, I should make some necessary preparations,” Lily was hyped-up, “I always have a suitcase or two of Her Holiness’ things ready for something like an official visit. I never thought it can be used for this!”

“Oh? You’re going now?” I was surprised by her revelation. Well, that’s the Head Maid for you; of course, her title wasn’t something for a show. “By the way, where do you think is the best place for doing some recreation here in Chersea?”

“About that…” Lily paused for a moment, “…actually, I had an idea. And it’s a great place, since not only can we take a break in there, it’s also where Her Holiness’ family is!”

“Nice.” Having a vacation with your family is a good idea…

“Yep, the place is called Fen. It’s a town several miles away from the city of Kamran,” Lily explained, “And it’s also the capital of the fief of the Rubinforth House, the family where Her Holiness comes from.”

Well, having Her Holiness’ family around was a big help if we were aiming for her recovery. This was also good timing, not only does she get to rest; the Saint would not miss the opportunity to check on her loved ones as well.

“So yes, I will have some maids get ready for the journey ahead,” Lily told me, “Oh, and I’ll also have a suitcase brought to your room, Mister Kuro, so you can pack your things as well.”

“Ha?” I was not sure if I understood clearly, “Pack my things? You want me to come as well?”

“Isn’t it the case? You’re joining us, right?”

“Uhh…don’t you think it’s Her Holiness’ private matter…”

“What are you saying?” Lily was surprised, “It is indeed a private matter, but you’ve seen through our worst and been with us for almost all of it we don’t consider you as a stranger anymore!”

Well, I was happy that Lily and Her Holiness thought of me that way, but I just got myself involved again in something so troublesome. Haa…I guess it couldn’t be helped then. I was the one who suggested the Saint taking a break, so I guess I’ll have to see this through the end.

The face of that stern, balding guy with a foul mouth that was Her Holiness’ father floated in my mind…

Ah, shit.

----------

And so, it took us a few ‘days’ to complete the preparations for the Saint’s vacation.

As I’ve said before, Lily had suitcases prepared beforehand. That, and she also selected a few servants to tag along, ready to attend to Her Holiness’ daily needs. Letters and squads of advance guards were also sent ahead, obviously to secure our route and also so that the other party would be ready once we arrived at their place. She’s quite fast and reliable, as if she already expected a situation like this.

Lily’s pretty efficient and meticulous, down to the very details of this event.

Meanwhile, it took Lily some time to convince Her Holiness to take a break from her duties as a Saint. Her Holiness was reluctant at first, going as far as emphasizing the responsibilities that she had to bear ever since assuming the Sainthood. However, Lily had me for her trump card…

Seriously guys, do I look like I can get all things done to you?

I made the Human Saint realize that as she was right now, she’s virtually useless for her duties because she vowed never to go out unless she gets back to her old figure. And it’s not like she’s helping herself to lose weight, either. I heard from Lily that she had to pry that plate of chocolate cake from Her Holiness’ hands when she was trying to stop her from eating another cake.

So, I told the Human Saint, “If you can’t be responsible for your own body, then you shouldn’t assume that you’re doing your duties well as a Saint too!”

I guess that made Her Holiness cave into our demands.

“…”

As for me?

Well, I couldn’t even fully pack the suitcase Lily gave to me. I mean, I was virtually empty-handed when I came to this world, and my possessions had increased little since then. Partly because I knew my stay in this place would not be permanent (it’s troublesome to move a lot of things), and partly because of my limited finances.

But if you ask me, I was not that excited. I mean, it’s a good thing that I’d get the chance to have a change of setting ever since I came to this place. However, having to meet that asshole back from the ‘seasonal mass’ was something I was not that happy to think about.

What will I say if we meet again? Will that guy recognize me? And if so, what should I do? This was a different world. There’s no telling what would happen to me if I raised enemies in a place where I have little control or knowledge.

Hey, that incident back in Arles—when I first met Her Fluffy Holiness disguised as a slave—was a different matter!

“Hmm…Master, I see you met Maddie’s father back in the humans’ seasonal mass?” Just like Her Holiness, the Beastman Saint had read my mind once again, without my permission.

“Uh, yes,” I still couldn’t adjust myself from having the privacy of my head violated by these holy women. But well, it’s not that big of a deal to me, so I’d let it off as always.

“Well, if you’re afraid of that guy, don’t worry, you have me around like your slave, Master!” Her Fluffy Holiness had a smug expression as she declared that.

“‘That guy’?” I was surprised by Her Fluffy Holiness’ way of referring to that person. I mean, you might saw me do it in my mind, but I never dared to speak it out, lest I risked getting executed for insulting a noble. But it looked like this beastwoman, Ruro of the Wolf, had something to do with Her Holiness’ family to say that so easily, huh?

“You’re quite right, Master,” Her Fluffy Holiness nodded as she handed me a folded clothing, “I once kicked Jimmy Nee Rubinforth’s arse when he’s young, see?”

I stared at Her Fluffy Holiness with puzzled eyes, “Jimmy Nee?”

“Maddie’s ancestor.”

“Oh…” Now my interest’s been raised once again. It’s the first time I heard something like this on a personal level. I mean, talking to a person who was there; holding a conversation with someone who saw, or was involved in history…

Think of a light switch being flipped on…

On second thought, though I wanted to ask more questions about the extra information the Beastman Saint put up to me, I was afraid I’d be getting myself involved in some private matters if I dig deeper.

I sincerely hope Ruro of the Wolf will be gracious enough to tell me the entire story behind that, though. Hope she reads this…

“Master, if you’re that interested…” Her Fluffy Holiness gave me a mocking look, “You could’ve asked me to tell it to you instead of having me read your mind to know your wishes.”

Sorry. Cultural matters, see?

“Ah, I’ll tell you the story about it, anyway. That’s the reason Maddie and I are friends in the first place,” Her Fluffy Holiness explained while she gestured with her hands, “So yeah, Jimmy Nee Rubinforth is Maddie’s ancestor. If I remember correctly, they are about 15 generations of her kind apart?”

15 generations are quite a very long time…just how old is the Beastman Saint?

“Well, humans are the shortest-lived among the five races of this world. A normal Beastman lifespan is equivalent to 30 to 40 human generations before we leave for the land of the Gods.”

Isn’t it the usual setting of fantasy novels? I kind of expected that, so I was not that surprised.

“So, well, just so you know, Jimmy Nee Rubinforth is a loyal retainer for the Duke of Nerfes, back when it was still a small duchy of the old empire of Chersea. He’s the best-rated human knight at the time with the highest rank as well.”

“I see…”,

“And I was still a wolf cub.”

A picture of a little pug immediately came out of my mind, but I quickly tried to disperse such thoughts that I resorted to hitting my head on the wall.

“Well…as long as you understand, Master, I’ll be fine with you just shaking your head from time to time,” I heard Her Fluffy Holiness’ awkward reaction, “Anyway, continuing, I was still a wolf cub back then, and I am the child of Wolf Tribe’s chief—”

So technically, you’re a princess, huh?

“No, let me finish. I’m the child of Wolf Tribe’s chief cook.”

What the hell?

“So, as I was saying, Jimmy Nee, or JimmyN as we call him, is a noble knight, and I was a wolf cub—”

Yeah, I know that for about nine paragraphs already, just go on with the story.

“Ahem…and even though I was a wolf cub then, I got some big boobs for a child every time I turn into a human.”

Do you have to tell me that?

“And well, you know, human nobles…” Her Fluffy Holiness shrugged, “They always like it big.”

So, let me guess, Jimmy saw your big jugs and ran after you?

“Hey, Master, it’s JimmyN, pronounced like ‘Jee-meen’. Please say it correctly from this moment, okay?” Her Fluffy Holiness showed to me how to say that name with her tongue, before she continued, “Well, no. JimmyN likes it small and flat. That pissed me off, you know.”

I’m not making any sense to Her Fluffy Holiness’ story…

“Argh! You see, JimmyN is a handsome guy, and he’s the most eligible bachelor back then. He’s the greatest knight during his time, remember? If I recall correctly, his knight corps is called PDS which means PalaDin boyS, and their fans are called ‘Knighties’, like me. They have seven members: JimmyN, Gin, Van Cook, Sugar, Bee, Lei Pope, and PM.”

“O-okay…” Why the heck I keep on thinking about it as a Korean boy group?

“And of course, I had a crush on all of them back then! But JimmyN is different! Heck, I even bought a lot of posters of him and filled my cave with those back in Cherwind! Plus, I also bought the limited-edition songbook that was put out when he returned from slaying the Demon King. And that’s not all! If you’ll come to my old cave, I also have a 3-meter-high gilded statue of him with his autograph on the neck! My greatest regret is his sword though, I wasn’t able to take hold of it, because I had to be a ‘big sister’ to a fellow Knightie…ugh, I should’ve got that if it isn’t for that whiny, pockmarked-faced bitch…” (She whispered that last one, but I could still hear it.)

Why do I feel like I’m talking to a fangirl of a Korean boy group?

“I repeatedly defended his honor from our rival fans from the ‘Archies’—ARXO. That one’s composed of ugly archers, so they’re barbarians. ARXO often stan PDS, so it means we’re the best!”

I can feel the bloodlust of a typical fangirl oozing out from Her Fluffy Holiness…

“By the way, I also completed my collection of PDS candlesticks that we use and wave during their fan greeting moments! Want to check it out?” Ruro’s bloodshot eyes were almost popping from their sockets the more she talked about her favorite boy group—I mean, knight corps.

“Haha…” I let out a forced, awkward laugh.

The image of a crowd with fancy lighted candlesticks on their hands and waving them around entered my head. And, uh, you know…my mind was asking questions like, ‘How the hell do they wave it around?’. It’s a candlestick, so there’s got to be a candle, and when a candle’s lighted, of course, the melted wax would come raining down on the people who were unfortunate to be around.

And, now that I’m able to think about it, how do they even keep those candlesticks lighted when they wave them?

I already think that some of those screams when PDS did their fan meetups were not exactly because their fans were head-over-heels about them…melted candle wax hurts, after all.

“Uh, Your Fluffy Holiness, I think I’m interested in the incident why you kicked Mister JimmyN’s arse.”

The Beastman Saint was brought back to reality, “Oh, right! Yes, about that…well, I tried to kidnap JimmyN, and he fought back, so I kicked his arse because I thought he hates me and he’s a jerk. Turns out, he’s just freaked out by my boobs, that he almost vomited.”

“…”

“That’s it, Master.”

Why do I even expect something else? I forgot I’m in the world of stupid.

----------

Ah, anyway, I knew that Her Fluffy Holiness got way too lost in her random ramblings about this knight corps called PDS and their obnoxious rival ARXO, so I had to remind her from time to time of our topic. But well, to make things short, what I understood from her words was that Sir Jimmy Nee Rubinforth was the first among the long line of Rubinforths to serve the two royal houses of Nerfes.

And that Her Fluffy Holiness had once tried to force her way on him—that almost succeeded, but he got disgusted by her big boobs, that she got pissed and kicked his arse in front of many people, humiliating him.

As if not to stop there, Sir Jimmy Nee’s descendants vowed revenge for their revered ancestor. The Rubinforth House had been quite antagonistic towards the Great White Wolf named Ruro of the Wolf ever since.

Now talk about stupid stories…

Haa…anyway, what’s the connection of that story to the friendship between the Human Saint and the Beastman Saint? Well, I didn’t know. I, too, got lost in that random conversation about Her Holiness’ family background, and by the time I finished packing and double-checking on the things I would bring, Her Fluffy Holiness had been off to run around the palatial gardens.

So, nothing much happened after that, save for several moments later, a maid came to my room to fetch my suitcase. Though I told her I’d be the one to carry it, she insisted she would do it, so I relented and let her do her job (it’s light anyway).

And then, the next thing I knew, we’re on our way to Fen…

Inside the holy carriage.

Together with Her Holiness, Lily, and Her Fluffy Holiness…

Wha—

“Seems like you’re out of it the whole time, Kuro?” it was Her Holiness who broke the ice.

“…” I hadn’t thought of an answer to that. To be honest, it’s quite awkward to be in this carriage. I mean, look, I was sitting with two of the most important people in this world, and a member of royalty as well. I was something like trash, compared to them.

I feel like I do not belong here.

“Don’t say that,” Her Holiness consoled me, “At least, you’re more important than trash.”

And of course, those two bigshots can read my mind.

“So anyway, Kuro, my good friend the Great White Wolf here has told you some rather embarrassing things about my family?”

My eyes immediately fell on Her Fluffy Holiness. She deliberately averted her gaze from me and looked outside. You pug…

The Human Saint laughed softly, “Well, if you’re wondering why we got close to each other when in fact, we should be enemies…I think your world has that saying, hmm…what is it again?”

This was the first time I heard Her Holiness refer to my world’s own culture. Perhaps she has seen it in my memories?

“Ah yes! Right, this is it. ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend.’.”

Oh, that. It’s been quite a long time since I last heard or read of that quotation; it’s giving me an odd feeling now that Her Holiness was the one saying it, considering she’s from a different world, “By the way, Your Holiness, what could you mean by that?”

“Well, we got common enemies.”

“Yes, I know the meaning behind that saying, but who are your common enemies?”

Just then, a resounding silence ruled inside the carriage. Her Holiness gleefully avoided my eyes, and when I looked to the Beastman Saint for an answer, she was still looking outside. What the hell’s happening? Is Her Holiness estranged from her father or something along those lines?

It was Lily who answered for them, “Mister Kuro, if you’re wondering why you’ll see soon enough. We’ll be arriving at Fen after at least five long sleeps.”

“Oh…”

“Yep, just lay back, and relax,” Lily reminded me while she gave out a blanket, “We’re here for a break, remember?”

Well, I guess I should let it be for now. From the sound and looks of it, Her Holiness and Her Fluffy Holiness wanted me to know about their enemies personally than having them tell me. And for that to happen, maybe I had to wait for a few more ‘sleeps’ to get to Fen.

Author's Note:  (1) Most Filipinos are relatively shy when it comes to speaking what's in our mind. We usually won't tell what we ACTUALLY think, and instead go around words to tell you of our opinion, or what we really want.

Like, for example, if you ask me how'd you look in a certain dress, I would say 'It's okay.' when I really meant it's ugly, or don't like it. Or if you ask me where'd I like to eat, I'd tell you 'Anywhere is good.' when I actually want a burger or pasta.

Don't worry. We really rarely get offended by it, even if it doesn't go our way. It's just our culture of trying to get along with everyone.