Just Another Adult / Comments

Just Another Adult

31 Following

37 Followers

Writing Fiction - available for hire
https://justanotheradult.carrd.co/

registered at: Dec 11, 2021

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aaa

Dec 10, 2023

To:lolitroy

it do be like that sometimes~

I, Human!

Chapter:7

Dec 05, 2023

To:lolitroy

yes

I, Human!

Chapter:6

Dec 05, 2023

To:lolitroy

ahh... just me then~
sometimes you only realise something isn't a universal experience when put it out into the world 👀

I, Human!

Chapter:4

Nov 30, 2023

That was a very tense sequence at the end. Really felt like Lysander was being toyed with. Good job!

My Undead Maid

Chapter:4

Nov 30, 2023

To:ItWasntMe

Oh god, I really try with that... it's something I love in films, when they don't use text or a voiceover to give exposition. They just let you experience the visuals with a nice soundtrack for a bit, and that lets the setting sink in. It's harder to capture with only words, so I'm glad I haven't screwed it up.

I, Human!

Chapter:2

Nov 30, 2023

To:ItWasntMe

Thanks for noticing that. I got feedback about having my paragraphs too long and it took me ages to realise why. I wrote I, Human! on PC, picturing everything in a book, not how it'd look on a phone screen. Very important lesson for me.

I, Human!

Chapter:1

Nov 29, 2023

Nice progression, good use of the *** to break up a long chapter, and the eerie little things in the background not entirely being addressed was real smooth~

My Undead Maid

Chapter:3

Nov 29, 2023

The description around Charlotte on the stairs is really good, and it gets across her personality well too. Line of the chapter goes to the bit about his mom sending too many emojis though... you don't gotta be so real in fiction!

My Undead Maid

Chapter:2

Nov 27, 2023

To:ItWasntMe

Glad you're enjoying it, and I appreciate you looking at the whole thing... CHAPTER 0 was meant as a long atmosphere/tension build, but it ended up getting away from me. Ooops~

I, Human!

Chapter:0

Nov 26, 2023

I love the classic hook of "eccentric relative leaves everything to down-and-out protagonist", and I'm looking forward to finding out why, but also why there is bad blood between Henry towards Morgan.

My Undead Maid

Chapter:1

Nov 26, 2023

To:K-J-Whitten

Thanks for the feedback, I'll bear it in mind. Glad you've enjoyed VISUAL SHOCK so far. Everything needs a setting, and I hadn't seen any works based around alternative fashion since Paradise Kiss, so why not fill a niche!