Jun 07, 2022
This is quite an interesting start. I assume this is a different way to start a web novel than usual, that is beginning with a script. I'm used to your traditional fiction novel in which it builds up the world in a formulaic style, but perhaps utilizing different forms of writing is an intriguing delivery of concepts, especially if you're trying to be creative with presenting ideas or narrative development. I do supposed though that it might throw off some people who aren't used to different styles being used. For me, when I read this part, since it's my first web novel, I assumed all web novels are like this but of course that's not the case. You did something unique which is good but of course, there is risk for some audience members or readers who might get alienated in some way that they're not familiar with reading script-like manuscripts as opposed to reading a creative novel like progression. So just keep that in mind when retaining your readers. Although I like how this is a unique start, I do want to understand the purpose behind starting with a script or manuscript. It might be better if it was alluded to in some way as to why Chapter 0 started with a script just to indicate to the reader that hey, this style started with a reason and perhaps that may be for letting it feel "corporate" as what your other comments alluded to, but perhaps I just want to know the reason why it started this way and not traditionally. Delivery must be able to justify itself with its content and substance. It's an interesting start don't get me wrong but the question is, why is it starting this way and will it hook the reader? As a new reader to web novels in honeyfeed, I just found myself confused maybe and I felt lost while reading it in this format. Though I can understand the more conversational parts of the script, but like the cameras and angles, it was difficult to imagine because I am not a filmmaker so that's just my point is that others who are not used to reading a script might be alienated from this form. Meant to offense on this post. Just wanted you to know my feedback. If I were to offer a suggestion, I like the conversational aspects of the scripts. They were the only times I felt something was progressing with the chapter or that it felt alive. I feel like using the cameras in a script may be good for some but to me, it just forced me to imagine it from the perspective of the camera, not the characters themselves, which I prefer to have the characters' POV instead of the cameras and angles. Anyways that's just how I feel. Hopefully my feedback adds something to your writing. Sorry in advance if I meant something offensive and such. Hopefully this feedback helps. Write On!!
