Jul 16, 2022
Also about my Murai comment on "who gets to decide" on Rebirth, perhaps, I just wanted to know more what really is the morality and ethics behind it. Like is it based on an algorithm that these cyber beings are using? If it is, what sort of moral code did they inject in that algorithm? Does an algorithm dictate their lives? Or this cyber brain you call it? Because I just think that the moral implications of giving power to an algorithm mean that it's something they can't really control. Autonomy loosens. Absolutism thrives. And we're all trapped in an algorithm or dictated by it just like what's happening now with the world, with AI so becoming rampant in businesses (for example, YouTube is one, FB, Meta, etc.) With your story, how will that reflect our current times? Or how will that commentate? Since I feel your story is set in a future where it is kinda semi-dystopian. How will we change that or prevent such future happening in our own through the eyes of Kuroiwa? Interested on how you can maybe weave a reflexive narrative around AI, human life, cybernetics, etc. with some comments on morality and ethics. Because I do feel sooner or later Kuroiwa is going to have to make a choice that differs from those cyber inhabitants... that which makes him human. Anyways, that's just my comment. I really like so far where the story is going.
Jul 16, 2022
God as a machine is definitely an interesting topic to tackle. I heard before that scientists believe that if ever life thrived in the universe, it'll be of artificial intelligence or machines because of the great distances of space. Good luck with this! I hope you deliver it in a fantastic way! Looking forward to this.
Jul 12, 2022
I especially liked their conversation about Phoenix and rebirth. From the way I understand it, rebirth is basically memory wiping right? They are just reliving from scratch. That's a very hefty philosophical consideration to make especially coming from a cyberpunk aesthetic future. It would be interesting, if I hadn't missed it already or don't recall, if Murai exclaimed something along the lines that who gets to dictate whether someone relives or redies, to wipe someone's memories anew and start fresh. Such is the power of gods, but is machine a god? Is god a supposed mechanical figure? Is he an AI? This notion puts an interesting spin in this chapter as to let your readers reimagine God as a machine, and not just divine. Just a thought tho since in the previous Chapters, Kuroiwa did mention something about kami. It would be interesting to know what machines think of God.
Jul 12, 2022
Oh wait. It is Nekolain Chiyuki. That is why it is spelled like that. Got it.
Jul 12, 2022
I think you misspelled Shiyuri with Chiyuki at the end of the chapter. Or was that intended?
It was excellent that Shiyuri used a kind of Geass to those thugs. It reminded me of Code Geass when Lelouch first awakened his powers and he ordered the Britannian soldiers to kill themselves. Nice on.
I may have foreshadowed from my comment in the past that this is the poisoned silver plate we have been waiting for. It is also implied that Shiyuri IS Nekolain or maybe it's just one of her lackeys. Either ways, a good antagonist so far. Strong introduction.
(I bet Nekolain will be converted with the power of sexy times. Hahahah joke)
Jul 12, 2022
LOL. A true cuk man, Kuroiwa is. Hahahah. Joke. Like the ending to this chapter. I can just feel the tension. The S factor to be exact. Lol.
Man Kuroiwa sure seems to be enjoying his job of being a man. Lol.
Nice comic touch to the chapter. I for one would like to see how you would weave this comic elements into a good philosophical narrative about hyper technology, life and meaning.
Jul 12, 2022
Hmm, very interested to know the role Nekolain will play in the future and who the girl is at the end from the lake.
I like how Kuroiwa reflected on being a sweeper in this cyberpunk world. Might even be a viable job option. He was a security knight. Not much difference between a guard and an assassin in that they both can kill when ordered to.
To be honest, I'd like to see how Kuroiwa will react to his suffering. So far, he has been lucky with all these "coincidental" events from his first boss having a connection with Sei to Yui and now this dream girl. Might be better not to hand the character the silver plate UNLESS that silver plate is poisoned, then that becomes an intriguing narrative device.
I kinda personally feel that what he is going through is not enough. There must be that one event so unjust to him that he will crack and his true character begin to emerge. I would like to know that. I have just finished Man's Search For Meaning and I feel incorporating the notion of suffering in a cyberpunk tech world would be interesting.
Jun 25, 2022
Wow, KomakiP, that's a good way to introduce your web novel like that. What made you change your thought and place this as Chapter 0? Otherwise, this is really good. I love the chase scenes and the banter between Kuroiwa and Chinatsu. I have a sneaking suspicion it's "that" girl. Hehe. But you don't have to spill the beans.
Jun 20, 2022
I like this chapter. The previous chapter's build up paid off in this one, and definitely, as your comment below suggests, Sei and Kuroiwa will meet again. I like their character dynamic, and I could even feel the "S" tension in the previous chapter when she was leaning her "assets" hahah. Enjoyed that part too. One thing I just thought of, with these characters being introduced like Sei, Chigusa, Shinada, and then Yui, I take they have some sort of narrative significance to the themes you're trying to portray? I would like to imagine that each of these characters represent a certain archetype or a certain what do you call it, like symbolism or representation to something larger that relates to your core theme? I'd love to see how these characters weave together in the final act or in the middle chapters, how they interact with each other vis-a-vis the themes they're trying to convey. I think they have some sort of symbolic significance or narrative significance, but as of now, I'm not yet sure how they weave in to the larger story of Kuroiwa. At this point, it feels like they're random encounters, but of course, I'm thinking you have plans for them in the later chapters. I'd definitely want to answer to the question for Kuroiwa's character: Is getting a job all there is to living or making a living? This question resonates with a majority of people who just work and work. For the baby boomers, it may seem that hard work was their answer to getting a good life, but with our modern life, hard work isn't enough. How does Kuroiwa grapple with this? I had a talk with a friend before that he seems to think now that he's nearing his 60s, he seems to think luck plays a more significant factor than hard work, but of course, that presents problems when you view success. It's as if resigning yourself to fate and not doing anything much, but then if you think about it, there are people born to such fate others don't have access to. In Animal Farm by George Orwell, he says all animals are equal but some are more equal than others. There is inequality really in the world. Even in Code Geass, the anime I'm rewatching again from my teenage year, the Emperor of Britannia believes that inequality breeds progress as it incites competition. Is equality really the answer or inequality an alternative? What's better than those two? Equality assumes that there is a universal standard which follows the absolutist way of thinking of morality. How can we reconcile a moral absolutist and moral relativist ways of thinking? Yeah, sorry these are just some thoughts that pop up since I can see some undertones that you're using about job-hunting, inequality, etc. Some subthemes that are very interesting in your work to tackle. Anyways, hope to read more KomakiP! Good job for these two chapters!
Jun 20, 2022
This is an okay chapter for me. It felt more like it's building up to something in the future chapters. You're giving more character development for Sei as well as describing Neo Shibuya which is good for world building. I'm excited how Sei will play in the part of Kuroiwa's journey, like will there be something that'll test the will and character of Kuroiwa? Will Sei play a part in Kuroiwa's development as a character? Can't wait how all these elements weave together.
Jun 13, 2022
I think his previous boss, the dog, Shimada was it? was holding back on him if he had this connection to begin with that would've helped Kuroiwa earn a little bit more. I don't know. Maybe in the future chapters when his boss reappears, this question could be answered. Why was Shimada holding back on Kuroiwa when he knew full well that Kuroiwa needed the money? I was of the mindset that if he's working in Poppy's part time, he could've worked also as a Security Knight, double jobs. Since Shimada knew the gal, they could've made some deal to accommodate the work hours? I don't know. I hope maybe as a reader this can be explored even just in passing like a comic event down the line like Kuroiwa saying "Why didn't you tell me this job sooner?" and Shimada going, "Well, you didn't ask." Something like that I guess, but feel free to ignore this as well as it might not be pivotal to the story, however I do feel even a small interaction like this between them can shed more light to the kind of person Kuroiwa is -- that he is poor and is in desperate need of money, that's why I'd imagine that saying that to his previous boss, should they encounter again.
Hope this helps KomakiP.
Overall, the chapter feels so action-packed. I like how the chapter was handled. It's quite different than the previous chapter since the tone of the previous one was a bit more comedy and this one is more action-sided, which gives variety to your chapters. Very good all in all.
That's my only comment though that his previous boss seemed to be holding back when this job seems to fit perfectly with Kuroiwa.
Jun 13, 2022
With all this talk about Neo Shibuya, the only person I can remember is the titular Kaho Shibuya. AHHAHAHAHA She's the Neo to my homo erectus. HAHAHA LOL Just kidding. Just sharing my thoughts.
Jun 13, 2022
This is a very good chapter. Got a couple of chucks from this like the part when Chigusa says that she'd like to know more of his "body". And Kuroiwa responds, "Phrasing". Haha. I felt that the author enjoyed writing that part. Also, I liked it when the riot people were clamoring, Kuroiwa overheard one guy saying, "Dude, why am I even here?" That was so funny. It just felt so out of place yet it hits perfectly. It's good.
I'd like to see how the story develops because everything in this cyberpunk world seems to be in hyper mode, like even the smallest things considered mundane in our time today, have like a big deal in this world. I'd like to know how the author would tackle these themes throughout the web novel. Very interesting and very comically entertaining.
What I thoroughly enjoyed reading in this chapter too is the variety of expressions and delivery the author was able to accomplish throughout the chapter. The words used never really get stale which is a good sign that the author has good depth in words and vocabulary. Write On KomakiP! Doing a good job!
Jun 09, 2022
No probs. I generally feel that you'll reach your intended target for this web novel. I feel you will go beyond what you normally do and exhibit the spirit of Kodawari! You can do it KomakiP. Looking forward to the next chapters!
Jun 07, 2022
The reason must be, in my humble opinion, integrated into the structure under which the very fabric of the narrative resides. You must be laser-focused on delivery intention in every word you choose, for isn't that the sense of Kodawari as used by Japanese people to make the best products?