Jul 05, 2022
To:catenaccio
Hey, thanks for giving me my first comment and having an overall positive opinion on what is hopefully the start of something good. I appreciate your long and detailed opinion on the first chapter of this, especially the specific points of the story that you found good/bad. Truth be told, the points you complimented were things that I actually felt most worried about (particularly prose and description), as I always felt that I might have made a misstep or failed to think of how to improve upon it. I'm glad to know that how I unfolded the world and the characters managed to be appealing to read through.
To address your criticism, I certainly understand where you're coming from in regards to Lan's character, though a part of it is intentional as he is getting into a new and unfamiliar environment. So part of his adjustment over the coming days is to slowly forming a concrete stance regarding the school, the war between Roduchy and Piranthy, and the people on the other end of the fence. For better or for worse. Regardless I do hope to make him a more impressionable character in the following chapters.
In regards to how dogmatically uniform Piranthians and Roducians are, that is also intentional in regards to setting up a status quo for the world. One needs to set the trends for groups of people before trying to properly dissect and subvert them, or at least that was my mindset in regards to the establishing scenes regarding both sides of Osvir. The questions you posed regarding the world is definitely something I would hope to address in future chapters, as well as to have more characters from both sides that breaks the mold that has been formed in this first chapter.
Once again, I have to thank you for complimenting my skill as a writer and showing interest in what is my first attempt at writing a completely original story for audiences to see. I hope to vindicate that belief as I continue to expand upon it in future chapters.
