Jan 19, 2023
Hey, sorry for the long delay. I was working on a new murder Idea and got sidetracked.
Now that I say it, it feels kindof wrong lol.
But anyhow on with the REVIEW!
Suzuka got really angry and started to throw
Suzuka gets really angry and starts to
we didn't do anything to that guy Antonio to
We didn't do anything to Antonio
He would never do that to me, we were friends for six years
He would never do that to me, we are friends for six years.
there are a few more places, where the tense in the words isn't matching the situation. Re-read this part and fix it accordingly.
Apart from that okay chapter. But would be a lot better if these errors were addressed.
Jan 16, 2023
This chapter was a bit harder to read than the previous ones. There were more errors here and there. You should revisit it and try and fix these issues.
This section shows a bit of Antonio, and his decision to let them kidnap Suzuka, but the reasoning behind it is shaky. Not sure how to feel about him literally selling her for gold, but eh.
Jan 13, 2023
Your writing has gotten a lot better over the past few chapters, and I have a feeling we're going to see some sort of romance between Isaac and Suzuka in the future.
Those bastards Tho, planning to risk Suzuka's life with the werewolf bite just to make her more compatible with the magic box. I have a feeling she will kill them overwhelmed by her anger.
Jan 11, 2023
The writing in this chapter certainly is better. I was surprised at Antonio's betrayal, to be honest, and I'm looking forward to seeing what MIS is going to do with Suzuka.
Jan 10, 2023
Hey Elukard! I was reading through this but one major issue I'm noticing is the grammatical errors. This should be revisited and fixed later on.
Antonio talks like he is in the mob or something. Interesting idea, but the idea is killed once he starts talking with Suzuka.
Suzuka being underage might make your readers slightly uncomfortable as well, and the way she acts and talks, such as asking Antonio if he finds her attractive, may turn away readers.
I'll continue reading, and the chapter itself is good, with her being a "wise guy" with the teacher.
Another suggestion I have is that the introductions of the characters feel a little rushed. You give us their names from the very start, which can confuse the reader on who's who.
If you have discord, we could communicate there as well for faster conversations.
Jan 10, 2023
Hey Elukard, I'm here as you asked, and I finished reading this chapter just now. I wanted to say that I personally don't like such long narration. You give the sales pitch, and the story begins. That's what I personally like. Your story reminds me a lot of full metal alchemist so far, with the philosopher stone, and the idea of sacrificing monsters instead is interesting.