Aug 29, 2023
Hey there! I like the main character, the exposition about his life, his dad etc is brought up well/feels organic. One thing you can look out for is when you repeat yourself without realising (ie. when he apologises to the goddess, either he apologises in dialogue, or in narration, but if it’s both, there needs to be a stark difference or a reason why you chose to highlight it again ;) Same thing with certain details (ie. when you explain the group of girls on the right and the group on the left, it helps visualise the space. but when you say that the girl guest speaker used ‘her left index finger’ maybe you can shorten it to ‘finger/index/with her left hand. In the sense, does it really matter to the story that tipped the mic with the left index? also, if you say left index, I don’t think you’d need to add finger 😂 See how I’m going around? ohalala anyway apologies the for long message. That advice is really about small stuff though. But if you skim through your writing with that lens, it could help you streamline the story ;) small things that can make big changes you know? lots of luck! ^^