Jul 01, 2023
I love puppets! I came for the title, and am staying for the sweetness!
Minor grammar mistake: coliseum --> colosseum
Minor criticism, but for the paragraph that starts with the sentence "The damp atmosphere," I feel like it could be changed to increase impact. First would be spacing discrete sections apart to give it more weight in the reader's mind by making certain parts stand alone since they are so singularly discrete. Second would be drawing parallels between the dampness of the environment and the dampness of the face/tears to give it a more artistically intense and vivid impact.
LOVE the puns! And HAH! He joined in. That's great!
Since we are just now meeting them, I was kind of hoping for more facial expressions, and to know HOW they speak. In what they do they sound like? Gruff? Monotone? High-pitched? My ears hear little here.
Dialogue itself is great! Very smooth and flows well!
