Nov 20, 2024
What a tragedy of Hiroki-kun. ๐ข
I don't knew this advice will help you or not, I'm also beginner too.
The Story started interesting, but the Hiroki is little flat. I will advice that. let's him speak more or think more, when he saw the book, you can write his though about it, or the how he look around the town or street. He fell cold, hot, hate. show how he looked world, object, people.
"I hate you all..." He looked at trash bin of convenience store. "what a dirty bin... you are also like me, always be the place to let everyone filled their rage."
"Huh, black cloud again. Are you not think to change the color?" Crow flew passed him. It also dropped warm welcome gift on his shirt...
Because you pace of story is slow (I did not mean it bad, slow also good when show characteristic.)
And when the flashback time, of his regret past life. You have to strike hard on that moment, to show how his desperate. I don't know how he got bullied. Social shame from girls? Bruise form attacker? Or Betrayal of friend?
If you create vision on that moment, it will make character vivid more, and show how will fight for that.
Hope that will help, but do not keep my words into heart I'm also beginner too.
โ Wish you have a good time in writing.
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