Ashley / Comments

Ashley

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I write stuff

registered at: Oct 22, 2024

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aaa

Feb 19, 2025

“demure”… Really?

Memes ruined that word and I cannot take this very mature and thought provoking piece of writing serious anymore.

5 Stars

End of Service was Announced, So I'm Retiring as the Last Boss to Become a Bard!

Chapter:4

Feb 19, 2025

You wanted some feedback, so my biggest issue is that I am uncertain about Sayuri's age. Given that your style seems to take roundabout ways of saying things like age and occupation, if you aren't going to explicitly state her age, it needs to be consistent.

Vet? Starting high school? Using the term 'crack it'. 'Crack it' is more of a British phrase, which suggests, based on the high school comment, 12-13. However, I doubt she would be a vet/pet groomer at that age, so I suspect she must be using the American/Japanese style. So, I'm finding a dissonance regarding her speech and age/locality. Perhaps find another way of saying 'open a window'.

Other than that minor issue, I like how you have styled this story. I like the characters and look forward to further chapters :)

Cat Got My Tongue

Chapter:1

Feb 18, 2025

When are you publishing more? 0/10 until more is posted. You can't be doing this. >:(

Cat Got My Tongue

Chapter:1

Feb 17, 2025

Ok, I'm just going to comment before reading the entire chapter. So take that with a grain of salt :) Regarding the perspective shifts, unless you want to build the mystery, I suggest making it clearer. Perhaps the central characters' perspective or the tribe's perspective is italicised and underlined of something. Again, I need to read this chapter XD but that's just my formatting suggestion. Overall, I am enjoying your writing and world :)

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:1

Feb 17, 2025

You asked for feedback, so I'm going to begin with the formatting of the letter. It could probably be a little tidier (formatted differently), but otherwise. Good job so far.

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:0

Feb 16, 2025

Is the remainder of this series just going to be them trying out different types of tea?

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:3

Feb 15, 2025

A bard? I think this requires some further analysis.

End of Service was Announced, So I'm Retiring as the Last Boss to Become a Bard!

Chapter:3

Feb 14, 2025

It's an interesting choice to use present tense. :) I'm enjoying it thus far. Keep it up, Bubbles :)

Also 10/10 Cover art <3

Cat Got My Tongue

Chapter:0

Feb 13, 2025

I’m loving this, although I must admit I’m a little disappointed it didn’t go down the Mpreg Route when no girl was getting with him.

Screw It! If Fate Won't Let Me Score, At Least The Demon Lord Will!

Chapter:1

Feb 12, 2025

You madlad, you actually cut it in the middle 😂

Bloodlust

Chapter:1

Feb 10, 2025

I will put this down and forget I ever read it. 🫡

Do Not Read This Journal

Chapter:1

Feb 10, 2025

I simp for this now ❤️

Tinker, Tailor, Tyrant, Traitor, Husband… Mine?!

Chapter:1

Feb 10, 2025

Thou hast intrigued me.

Of Love and Liberation - to change þis rotten world wiþ þee [volume 1]

Chapter:1

Feb 10, 2025

I thought yours would be a romance. Dang, end of the world music. This is lit.

Eclipsed Dawn: Which will be your last song?

Chapter:0

Feb 10, 2025

Please tell me somewhere the bard is going to become the 'bardbarian'

End of Service was Announced, So I'm Retiring as the Last Boss to Become a Bard!

Chapter:0

Ashley

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