Jul 15, 2026
Pretty strong start, I’d say. Characterization feels strong; scenes leave enough to the imagination to be quick, but contain enough to be imagined; a lot about the world and status quo are shown right away. Excellent job with those things.
Take the following with a grain of salt—I always say it should be hard for people to convince you to change your writing. Regardless, a couple things I noticed that struck me as odd: the beginning and end feel quite terse/strained. I will refrain from making too many explicit suggestions as to if anything should even be done there (it’s your story, after all), but I think some things could be expounded on to build scene and stakes even further. A lot can be derived from context in this case though, as I mentioned. Things like Atalanta’s mindset coming out of the fight(s), the scene (crowd? announcer?), etc. are left to the imagination. One final thing is that sometimes it was difficult to tell who was speaking, or who was taking certain actions. E.g. I did not understand that Atalanta was following her father and brothers in until later in the scene. (This could easily be my own reading comprehension…)
Regardless, good start and I will do my best to keep up as time allows. Since you asked, I will provide feedback where any might be helpful. Let me know if that is not of use, though.
