Sep 29, 2025
Hi! I'm here to share a few things that might be helpful, since you asked for feedback.
To be clear, I don't consider myself a professional author, so I'm not here to harshly criticize your work—just to point out a few things that stood out to me:
1. What you're writing feels more like a screenplay, where you use words like Scene or similar stage directions at the beginning of your lines. In game development, when working on cinematics, that's something we often use for internal reference—not for the reader. In your published chapters, it's usually better to describe the scenes naturally without those labels.
2. You tend to write in one long paragraph. Breaking it up into shorter paragraphs and lines will make it much easier for readers to follow.
3. As you read more of other authors' works—whether on this site or in published books—you'll naturally pick up on both the creative aspects of storytelling and the technical side of writing style.
Overall, I enjoyed the story you're telling. The creative side of your work is great; with more practice in writing style, it'll really stand out even more. I wish you all the best with this and your future projects. Good luck. 👍
You don't need to call me author. H or Shura are both fine.🙏
