Ivory-of-Phosphoros / Comments

Ivory-of-Phosphoros

3 Following

1 Followers

I hath no fingers, it falls off and turned into mosiac.

And John Cinema appear before me.

registered at: Jul 12, 2025

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievement

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Comments

aaa

Dec 30, 2025

I love the fact that you have the knowledge about turds transitioning from waste to calcium compose dried white feces. And I guess the species part where the MC is a species of Bear-like Marsupials.

Forlorn Hope

Chapter:3

Dec 30, 2025

Spooky… Really? That word❢？

Forlorn Hope

Chapter:2

Dec 30, 2025

I guess that girls voice is quite loud and the main character has good ears (because he or she becomes a dog of sorts).///

Now onto my complainments with this chapter and perhaps beyond this: there's too many telling, not even letting the readers to even visualise what is going on. And you—the writer that writes this and I am proud of you for completing it, lots of love from me—didn't even focus on the brick and be more… precise, but instead, you go straight for the… town. Not the worst mind you. Additionally, claustrophobic…? Please used more precise word, like… compress, or other similar words that fits the stories taste. And saying it is ominous will not make it ominous, it will make it feel pretentious for some odd reason (I guess for me at least).///

Furthermore, you don't need to add "She said" or "I said" or whatever when there's a action dialogue tag that is bind to who is speaking and whatever. So that's all.

Forlorn Hope

Chapter:1

Dec 30, 2025

I can't really feel much in this chapter. I guess the threat is… not well established enough for me to feel much, nor the writer showed anything. I guess the corny is… okay. But I will continue to read.

Whispers Of The Mist

Chapter:4

Dec 30, 2025

Hm…… don't like these specific types of cliffhangers.

Whispers Of The Mist

Chapter:3

Dec 30, 2025

This chapter feels like I'm repeating the same reading as the first one. Not sure if you're doing some time paradox or whatever. But I'm gonna say this criticism (from this and chapter before this), the whispers thing is way too much on the nose. I know whispers are creepy, but… you should do something different with the whispers or use a more creative approach. Whispers are way too much of a cliché for my taste.///

Don't have much comment about the figure at the end. Like it.

Echoes of the End

Chapter:2

Dec 30, 2025

The Obelisk only appeared yesterday… this perhaps contradiction… I have several questions and I don't know how to say these questions. The placement of the monument is great… great…fine… Even though I feel like there's a contradiction with that wondering under my nose. But it's probably me disappointed.///

And your less than so desirable way to indicate something beyond this world is… lacking at best. But I like the Mother plot.

Echoes of the End

Chapter:2

Dec 30, 2025

The writing is……… I could kindly say unentertaining. It is imprecise, have unnecessary words and metaphors. And you, the writer, didn't even focus the brick and straight to the country itself.

I know vagueness is a good way to create terror… However, it is terrible and only work if the other details are extremely precise and compress with tight and long sentences contrasting with eachother.\\\

And again, there's way too much telling than showing. I'm fine with writers telling us straight up about the emotions, that's great, that's fine, people should do it time to time. However, showing things/action (like a man batting his brows, a woman tapping against her forehead, et cetera) can help with the terror and let the readers precisely visualise what to expect.\\\

I'm fine with the mysterious figure, I'm fine with the phonetics of the text… I immensely dislike the dialogue of this First Chapter. It is on the nose, and in spite of the narrator saying that it is an enigma and whatever convuluted thing, the characters… know about it. The… I can't really explain how much I despise this. Nonetheless, I am going to continue writing.

Echoes of the End

Chapter:1

Dec 30, 2025

This is perhaps the second most terrible prologue I've ever seen. Why? It's because you tell us and didn't show it (I.E., not letting the readers visualise and let themselves be interested.)

Echoes of the End

Chapter:0

Dec 20, 2025

To be a somewhat a big meany, the novel's start is quite terrible. I feel nothing and I feel like a rotten corpse. Something about unnecessary adverbs, and each paragraph is rather unusually small; I can handle things being… tiny, but none of the paragraphs are big enough for me to consume properly, like I'm only eating appetizers waiting for a chunky dinner that one day may come by tomorrow. To add more complaints, there are metaphors (or similes) that are quite unnecessary. Nonetheless, I like one part of it, which is the mystery (even though, it isn't executed well in the beginning of its introduction, should be better to make it the beginning text). Nonetheless, I shall continue because I like it enough to ignore everything.

Whispers Of The Mist

Chapter:1

Nov 19, 2025

What???? What happened to the structure?

LiCangTian

Chapter:2

Nov 19, 2025

Just a tiny correction, but a little ',' at the "Then," isn't grammatically correct.

Although, it is decent, and I can tell that you can improve in alot of ways. So here's this: the beginning sentence is weak. The dialogue is all-right, but it needs better connection, and be interesting.

The ending is great. I guess.

Nonetheless, I didn't see anything in chapter 2 just yet. So, you might improve beyond this, as this is just chapter 1.

Good day and don't take this as an objective fact.

LiCangTian

Chapter:1

Oct 16, 2025

Ahem, I'm ganna gut you for this one, sorry mate. The chapter has a lot of redundant phrases and redundant description that isn't needed.

For example: "his skin was like an ancient sultan." (so that means he has brown skin, because all sultan's are brown).
And after that paragraph, here's this: he has tanned skin.

Yeah, that's all and it is bothering me. Good day lad.🧐

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World.

Chapter:4

Oct 16, 2025

Huh, a romance? Didn't know it is a romance or a hunt of roamce, according to my memory in the first chapter.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World.

Chapter:3

Oct 16, 2025

Never knew he has a deep voice. I apologise if I actually miss a detail in the first chapter.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World.

Chapter:3

Ivory-of-Phosphoros

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Reviews

aaa