Dec 29, 2025
I went ahead and read Chapter 6 (skipped 2-5) since thats what u told us on discord , focusing only on this fight. so my comment will purely based on this fight alone, (i dont know any context before this, as i will just comment purely based on two fighting individuals)
Yes. I can visualize it clearly. all the movements, skills, etc comes through. I can tell you put a lot of effort into the choreography and the abilities themselves, But again, i need to emphasize, i am reading this scene with brain turned off and just imagine, like what i told u before.
this kind of scene would probably work very well in a visual medium like anime or manga.
That said, as a novel reader, I started feeling fatigue before i even finished. The fight islong and a lot move with a lot is happening, with not much change in emotion or narrative for me until very late.
It becomes a sequence of attacks, counters, named techniques, and reversals, but the status between them stays mostly the same for a long time.
Because of that, while i am wondering how the fight will end, I also found myself just waiting for next ability and unconsciously skimming thru some repeated stuff, tired.
I also felt that the heavy use of named attacks and mid-sentence bolding started to interrupt the reading flow. I understand why u do so and i can read through it personally, it really does make me do what i said above.
especially in prose, where the reader has to imagine everything without the help of other stuff like animation or manga panel.
The action itself is clear, but I struggled to stay emotionally invested for the entire length. The pain and damage are described, but they don’t always feel important in a way that changes how the characters decision in the moment, which makes me feel the scene is longer than it needed to be.
Overall, I think the fight shows that you can choreograph complex combat well,
But as a novel writing like this, where words is everything, it will benefit from tightening — fewer moves, more focus on what shifts during the fight (inner of the fighters or the strategy), so the action feels like progression rather than accumulation.
Tldr? u write good action. but i think u already know what i gonna say that already had been said by both Ashley and Caeli. All in all, yes, i can read, but it require me to read it in a special way. I said what i wanted.
Just my thoughts as a reader. Good luck.
