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NotWriting

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Failing and falling are the best experience.

registered at: Jan 25, 2026

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aaa

Jul 12, 2026

To:VegaStar_LVS

Okay no idea how to DM you anywhere to share more examples, but here:

First telling, "The smell was good/she liked the smell."

A better version might be: "The (object/noun) smelled (describe what makes the smell good) sweet."

And the showing that purists might expect from you, which are great at times too, is like: "The warm smell of the dry bread" or "the breakfast, along with the warm summer wind, smelled like morning."

Each writer needs to know which topics in the story are worthy of the amount of words a showing description costs.

Personally my example fits my style as I do believe taste and food are some good ways to show to a reader that you are good at setting the immersion, which many would say is why showing instead of telling is so advocated for.

The Blessed Hero is Just an Ordinary Girl

Chapter:0

Jul 11, 2026

To:NotWriting

Also I hope this isn't too much of a spam, but I do really like your art. Great designs

The Blessed Hero is Just an Ordinary Girl

Chapter:0

Jul 11, 2026

Okay, another small thing other than maybe 2 more spelling mistakes I found in the second half is that you wrote okay as OK.

Yeah this is the most annoying nitpick ever, but it was in a very serious scene so it kinda mattered at least to me.

Other than personally too much telling again. "She felt XXX, she did XXX" I enjoyed it.

I suggest you get friends as beta readers to help with grammar.

Good luck and I await the next chapter!

The Blessed Hero is Just an Ordinary Girl

Chapter:0

Jul 11, 2026

I'm near half of the chapter, the two things I want to ask are:

Are you writing in american or british english? It really matters only for small things like toward or towards, but I wanna know if you yourself care for that.

Second, might be a nitpick as this is a web novel and not a real book, but I feel like there are too many emotional moments that are pure telling, IE "she XXX in XXX" "She is in awe."

I'm not a show not tell purist, but it gets annoying at times when in my mind the character shows a specific emotion very clearly, and then the text has a line telling me I am correct. TLDR, the readers are smart, expect them to understand the emotions through your dialogue and the MC's thoughs.

Well, that is if you know how to write good dialogue and inner thoughts.

Might do another review if I read the full chapter

The Blessed Hero is Just an Ordinary Girl

Chapter:0

Jul 11, 2026

I enjoyed the last part a lot, her using the glass shard that pierced her as a weapon was very cool.

I also like how it seems in the last line and a half that she accepts or even likes her body? Which is great in my opinion, people accepting their bodies is good.

I do wonder, did she actually spend multiple days inside, or was it just how it felt to her?

Other than that, just get a friend or two to help you with english grammar and corrections.

Hope you'll make this story even better!

Mecha-Shebeasts

Chapter:1

Jul 10, 2026

To:lolmeme

Dude people say for the best worldbuildings ever that the story serves the worldbuilding and not vice versa from how good it is, so in my case it would feel like the plot is made just to have the characters talk about their magic.

I'm the kind that would write on the board every little thing

Zayobi: Chronicles of the Daybreak War

Chapter:3

Jul 10, 2026

I never drop a novel because of spelling mistakes, but before I finish and do a review, please have some friend help you with spelling mistakes. If english isn't your first language, I hope you have a writing discord server or someone to help you fix those

Mecha-Shebeasts

Chapter:1

Jul 09, 2026

spelling mistake at "before her found himself."

Okay review:

Might have slight headhopping (is that how it's called?) where even in a 3rd omnipresent PoV you kinda move into the shoes of "your enemy" without noticing. That, and while I am very interested in the elf girl, she was slightly described too much in my opinion at the end.

I am all in for beautiful and charming girls, even more so as MCs, but it happened at the very end after a few (personally, maybe I am tired) complex descriptions.

I will say though, for what was simply farmers and dude with a crossbow against wolves, this was very fun. In terms of action this was very good, and there are chances my issues are because I am after a lot of reading already and so I got lazy.

Ebonhart

Chapter:1

Jul 09, 2026

To:Ryuukarize

Do you mean I mentioned specific information too many times, or is it closer to too much telling instead of showing?

I'm very much the kind to prefer shorter lines, so I am happy knowing I can cut stuff if it looks like I actually overdid.

Zayobi: Chronicles of the Daybreak War

Chapter:1

Jul 09, 2026

Again, please be vocal if you see spelling mistakes!

Thanks for reading!

Zayobi: Chronicles of the Daybreak War

Chapter:4

Jul 08, 2026

To:KyleDWilson

If you changed something it is not updated for me.

I am pretty sure it was meant to be He said and not His said.

A Full-Time Homemaker is the Legendary Hero, Whether She Wants to Be or Not

Chapter:1

Jul 08, 2026

To:NotWriting

or was it his advisor?

A Full-Time Homemaker is the Legendary Hero, Whether She Wants to Be or Not

Chapter:1

Jul 08, 2026

Spelling mistake "ladies and gentleman" his said.

I think?

A Full-Time Homemaker is the Legendary Hero, Whether She Wants to Be or Not

Chapter:1

Jul 08, 2026

I have no ADHD to blame, but personally there are too many names too quickly. In the first 15 lines or so we learn of 5 names and one name of an academy.

Also, this might be very annoying to ask, but what really is the hook here?

Sure there is the "who did the thing and thus MC is blamed," the first line says dying government and we learn the state is somewhat dead yet they're still holding a court. So there are many things to look forward to and ask, but I am not sure if any of the pieces which are starting this puzzle are interesting for me.

Though I'm not the biggest fan of dark fantasy, so if that matters in how you view my review, that's fine. The darkest enough novel I read that I can say I fell in love with was mushoku tensei, which too had the many families and complex politics I guess.

Inheritance: Chronicle of the Galerian War

Chapter:0

Jul 07, 2026

Damn your story has a very similar name to mine

Inheritance: Chronicle of the Galerian War

Chapter:0

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