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Jul 20, 2021
Please revisit the first three paragraphs of this chapter. It’s packed with too much imagery, on the second paragraph you invoked the sounds of crickets and the third you wanted me to think about the echos of footsteps (a sound that only fancy dress shoes or wooden clogs make). Your readers just wanted to know what’s happening, they don’t need an elaborate image. Be mindful of their time and put the elaborate scene building on the parts that really need it. You gonna tire them out. Best of Luck.
Decent foundation. This can be slimmed down even more by taking out the adverbs that you can live without and simplifying sentences. Be more direct.
