Sep 21, 2021
To:Joe Gold
On the passage you cited, let me set the record straight: Vos is from South Africa (he's a Boer in case you're wondering) and Tatev is an Armenian girl who's as old as Tarou. The way I wrote was the best I could think of because I honestly didn't have time to research speech patterns for South Africans and Armenians. You can infer that they're all speaking English but for Tatev's case, her politeness (hence why she addresses Tarou as "Mr. Ganji") is because she owes it to the people who saved her and that includes Tarou (unintentional spoiler for future stories). As to why Vos doesn't talk that way, he may be a mercenary leader but I figured formal speech is part of maintaining discipline within the outfit he commands.
Now, another reason why I'm more detailed with physical descriptions: I wanted to be different from others. Tarou having light intermediate skin is point that he's from Iran while Tatev is from Armenia. I've sent you the resource I used on how I applied skin color for my characters via Twitter.
Back to the wooden writing, if you're expecting me to edit it because I can do so until Sept. 25, personally, I'd rather not anymore. I lost plenty of sleep with my edits and I even had to resort to ProWritingAid. I thank you for your advice, of which I will apply for future stories, but if I am to lose in this contest, I will lose. If I am to win, I'd feel better if I didn't win first place.
