Jul 07, 2021
Wow, I was really impressed with this. A good first post for a story too, I probably should've had both my prologue and my initial chapter ready when I created my story on here but I can't change that now. I can say that this was very solid, outside of the setting being a bit confusing at points like I hadn't even realized that the hero was destroying the throne until a few lines later, and some of the dialogue being a bit clunky, I really liked this.
For a psychological story, particularly one about existential meaning, you definitely created a good attention-getter. In one chapter we simultaneously understand, where the character is after his long adventure and the event that contributes most relevantly to his current mental state. Finally culminating in the confusion and disappointment that he feels after seemingly being betrayed by Mellifluus. I find it very effective and concise.
I'll definitely be following this work throughout the contest so I'm sure you'll see me again. I can't wait to see where this goes.