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tony01p

Anthony P.
A 20 year old trying to branch out into novels and other storytelling methods. 3rd year game design/dev major with a minor in computer science.

registered at: Jul 05, 2021

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aaa

Sep 17, 2021

To:Workaholic

True. Just roll with it lol (Hope you're enjoying it so far though)

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:5

Sep 17, 2021

To:Workaholic

I honestly really enjoy this comment. Mai herself has more of a passive personality, so she wouldn't slap someone for trying to comfort her. I am pretty passive as a person, and I project parts of myself within each character. But I really liked your comment. Maybe you can come back to this comment after you're finished with the hindsight knowledge haha. Take care!

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:5

Sep 09, 2021

To:mugmoth

Thanks for your comment. As far as the accident scene itself, maybe not the most emotional. I was just trying to be descriptive about what happened in that scene, but everyone interprets things differently, so I can see your perspective on it. Again, thanks for the comment, and I hope you keep on reading!

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:2

Sep 08, 2021

This is a really nice scene to have between Hajime and Jiro. Like, everything here is pretty good. Nice interactions and subtleness with some nonverbal actions.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:9

Sep 08, 2021

I'm with the health counselor on this one. If someone came up to me with this grand story, I would probably keep listening to be entertained. Also, I really like the interaction with the "goddess" in his story. She seems like a fun character, but I heavily suspect something more sinister (but that's just me).

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:8

Sep 08, 2021

I really enjoyed the scene between Jiro and Destiny here, even if it was his own imagination. His ties to his other world are so strong that he can't break away from them. He finds comfort in his old ways, even though they were more war-torn than where he is now. Great descriptions here as well.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:7

Sep 08, 2021

A pretty well executed chapter. I enjoy seeing the family doing well. I had a feeling the father wouldn't be all that bad, and it looks like I was right. Hopefully the young Hajime will not face any more abuse from his older brother.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:6

Sep 08, 2021

The switch up here was really nicely done as we get taken back to either a memory/reimagining of something from Jiro's mental creation. Great descriptions all around for the fight sequence. Honestly, this was really well done.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:5

Sep 08, 2021

This was another great chapter showcasing how lost Jiro is in this world. I enjoy the story telling a lot. It's very easy to follow and understand. As someone who doesn't normally fancy isekais, I do really enjoy this.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:4

Sep 07, 2021

I really enjoy this chapter as we get to see how the MC is finding out about more about this world he's in. You can still see his "PTSD" or memories from his past world taking over him and directly controlling the actions he makes. I like the nice descriptions as well. There are a few grammar/sentence mistakes in here, but nothing that deters me from the actual content of the story. I'm glad I decided to read this one. I'll let you know more as I keep reading.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:3

Sep 05, 2021

I really like the content and how the characters interacted with each other. I skipped from chapter 2 to this one to try and give feedback. Even though I don't fully know the characters or the plot, the scene written in this chapter is very nicely done. All of the subtle motions noted by the characters greatly help tell the story.

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The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:16

Sep 04, 2021

This prologue has been completely redone. There were plenty of issues with the original version of it (as expected since it was my first chapter/experience of writing a novel). I took the constructive criticism and made this something I am much more proud of. Hopefully those who were originally derailed by the prologue give this new one a second chance.

Take care!

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:0

Sep 02, 2021

To:Workaholic

For Chloe, I was trying to go for the angry crying, but I'll look into ways to make that appear clearer. I have some of her dialogue cut off, but not too many. Only when I felt it absolutely necessary.

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:4

Sep 02, 2021

To:Workaholic

It really is a miracle, isn't it? I was trying to go for a smaller town vibe, and it looks like I got it through.

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:2

Sep 02, 2021

To:Workaholic

Thank you for the comment! I'm glad this chapter seemed more natural to you. I have to go back and redo my prologue soon, but these comments really help me.

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Mischance: Love's Misery and Misfortune

Chapter:1