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I like to write
Jul 13, 2021
My primary comment is that you seem to be writing, or at least striving for, an adult level while in a contest judged by teenagers. Personally, I suck at prose and don't like pushing it because it takes too many editing passes to get just right. I find your attempt admirable.
It might be worth your time to go back and put a string of concrete clarity to what is being portrayed, if for no other reason that to give readers like me confidence that they're on the same page as you.
Jul 12, 2021
Did I overlook a description of the locale in chapter 1? The action was fine (though these men need to learn the beauty and power of a bayonet), but I'm visually lost on the scene aside from the monsters. If I overlooked a paragraph I need to go re-read.
HMMM I wonder what part of her is getting too big to squeeze beneath the floorboards? Whatever could it be? I'm on to you Clowniac.
Overall a good start though. It feels like this shouldn't be cut where it is, that chapter 2 (which I have yet to read) should be directly added to the end rather than having a break. Which is of course to say, I ended the chapter wanting more.
I for one thought Syrvena Kunning and Ven were two different people for most of the chapter.
