Jul 13, 2021
My primary comment is that you seem to be writing, or at least striving for, an adult level while in a contest judged by teenagers. Personally, I suck at prose and don't like pushing it because it takes too many editing passes to get just right. I find your attempt admirable.
It might be worth your time to go back and put a string of concrete clarity to what is being portrayed, if for no other reason that to give readers like me confidence that they're on the same page as you.
